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Original poster

I just want to curl up and sleep and not wake up

28 replies

SpottedGurnard · 12/06/2012 22:52

I don't plan on harming myself but I don't want to be here. I'm clawing at my skin because I want to get out.

I nees to get away from this. Am having a panic attack.

OP posts:
doggiemumma · 12/06/2012 22:59

Ok, keep posting - i know about panic attacks and it WILL PASS can you concentrate on just breathing for now. slow deep breaths?

doggiemumma · 12/06/2012 23:00

Here for you

DashingRedhead · 12/06/2012 23:03

OP - are you ok? Keep posting. Do you have a favourite song or sound you can get into your head?

Is it a 'reliving a bad moment'? If so, can you fast forward? That worked for me.

Original poster
SpottedGurnard · 12/06/2012 23:04

I really don't want to go to work tomorrow. Im under consultaion and any sickness counts against me. I dont know what to do. Im not fit to drive.

OP posts:
doggiemumma · 12/06/2012 23:06

Don't worry about tomorrow - tomorrow can take care of itself, lets just get you through now. Whats made you feel like this

DashingRedhead · 12/06/2012 23:06

That's still a little while away. You don't have to make a decision now. Is work the major problem here?

doggiemumma · 12/06/2012 23:07

dont worry if you dont want to say, just keep talking, any old shit will do. We are listening

DashingRedhead · 12/06/2012 23:09

Yes of course. Sorry - didn't mean to sound like I'm prying Blush

doggiemumma · 12/06/2012 23:10

Dashing, i was referring to my post :)

Spotted, how are you feeling? Could you get yourself a drink of water/squash?

Original poster
SpottedGurnard · 12/06/2012 23:14

You're not prying redhead.

It's work, life, friends, family.

If I could go back 18 months and change everything I would.

Your name reminds me of an old friend of mine. If you have a friend who moved away from your home town and you havn't spoken to since christmas- give her a call.

I dont have any friends left.

OP posts:
Original poster
SpottedGurnard · 12/06/2012 23:17

Does wine count doggie?I can breathe a bit better now but plan on drnking myself into oblivion.

OP posts:
doggiemumma · 12/06/2012 23:18

"I know this won't help now but it has really helpes me in the past with panic attacks.

Take 2 deep breaths in and out. On the second out breath breathe out for as long as possible. Aim for a count of 9.

repeat the 2 breaths again but increase how long you breathe out for by 2 seconds.

Repeat this until you have slowed your breathing down and you can exhale for 15 seconds."

If this sounds like good advice, it is, and its yours, that you posted to someone else in this position the other day. I hope you dont mind but i was worried about you so i did a search on your name. Not read much but you seem lovely, caring person. You can and will get through this.

doggiemumma · 12/06/2012 23:20

Wine is fine, but not just now honey - wine makes my panic attacks so much worse. Squash or water i think, tea or coffee a no no unless you have cammomile (or can drink it cos it taste like shite)

DashingRedhead · 12/06/2012 23:20

Spotted, I wish it were me and that I could help in RL. I don't think it is but l can try to help here (am racking my brains though). Don't tell us more than you want, I know sometimes it makes everything seem worse to talk about it.

doggiemumma · 12/06/2012 23:32

iim having to go to bed now, i really hope you are feeling even a small bit better. Please feel free to PM me if you want to, anytime. I think that you will be fine and you are really strong person. Be kind to yourself x

DashingRedhead · 12/06/2012 23:34

Me too - and same about PM. You're not alone.

Original poster
SpottedGurnard · 13/06/2012 11:42

Thank you all for last night. I did wake up and go into work. I feel like death warmed up- my eyes are red raw.

I have spoken to an agency about new jobs and applied for 2. I need to get out of here.

OP posts:
DashingRedhead · 13/06/2012 13:52

Well done, it's an achievement to make it to work, all this is so draining. That's great that you are taking the steps needed to change one of the major problems. That can only be the right thing to do. While you can't go back and change things in the past, you can change them for the future.

I'm glad we were there - don't know why I bothered trying to go to bed though, was up to all hours with DS...

doggiemumma · 13/06/2012 16:14

That is good news Spotted, you are an inspiration to me for those days when I don't want to get out of bed (and believe me i have my fair share!) Well done - I hope a new job comes along soon (im looking for work just now and its not easy - you are in a good position coming from a job, something will happen, because you are going out there and getting it) x

Original poster
SpottedGurnard · 14/06/2012 17:09

Things are not going so well today. Just had a massive row with dp and told him I don't want to live like this anymore.

I find out tomorrow about redundancy too so I feel sick all of the time.

OP posts:
doggiemumma · 14/06/2012 18:22

oh honey :( its not wonder you are stressed out - of course you don't want to live like this. I know its awful but even if you are made redundant, at least tomorrow you will know and you can make a plan. I bet that even if he worse happens you wont feel as bad as you do today - i know that seems a bit arse about face but its so horrible not knowing - that is a garunteed trigger for my anxiety.

Are you on any anti-anxiety meds just now? Maybe have a chat to your doctor? I am not on ADs anymore but i find it reassuring that i know that i can have them if i need them.

DashingRedhead · 14/06/2012 19:45

So sorry Spotted but agree with Doggie that at least you'll know and even when things like that happen, it's better dealing with the real version than fearing the phantom. Keep us posted.

Original poster
SpottedGurnard · 14/06/2012 22:21

Doggie- I was on citalopram up until about 6 months ago. I hate all this waiting around, I will be glad when tomorrow is over.

If I still have a job tomorrow I will go to the drs. Its getting dangerous to be so anxious and driving.

Thank you both for the hand holding. I fell asleep earlier after the argument and woke up to DP rubbing my back and he had run me a bath with candles.

I wish I could stop taking it out on dp.

OP posts:
doggiemumma · 15/06/2012 08:29

Can i borrow your DP?? :)

I think you need to see your doctor anyway - when you came off the citalopram did you do it SLOWLY?

You may feel better after today anyway - don't worry, DP knows you are under pressure. Just take one day at a time, but yes, you are putting yourself (and others) at risk if you don't feel able to drive. Its the weekend now - whatever happens, you'll have time to assess it. Try (i know its difficult) to remain positive, even if its redundancy, it can still be positive - a new start. A friend of mine's husband got made redundant recently and has got a new, and better job. Another friend made redundant last year, now running his own business. It doesn't have to spell disaster.

Will think positive thoughts for you x

DashingRedhead · 15/06/2012 09:16

Good luck today.