Am I depressed? anxious? crazy? normal? just angry? just tired? I don't know...

[complexo]

The only thing I know is that i would like help, but I am so confused, I don't even know what kind of help I need, I don't know what kind of problem I have...
I massivly over react sometimes and feel dreadful afterwards...sometimes I don't have energy to do anything...so I drag myself because unfortunetely i can't just hide under the duvet. Sometimes I am up and down, all over the place, getting things done or maybe starting things and not finishing them properly...sometimes I spent a lot of time trying to decide what to do and how to do it, and endeding up doing the opposite, or not doing nothing I planned at all...
But what makes me really unhappy is when I take it on my daughter, she is lovely, but she gets on my nerves just for being a 5 year old, and when she is not readily obeying me, I feel I have no control and I lose the plot...(shout and over react)..
Help

I think you need to see your GP to see if you have a mental health problem. Can you say how long this has been going on for, and did anything trigger it. Talking of wanting to hide under the duvet suggest depression (I am no medic) but do suffer from depression and most of us with this illness talk of wanting to stay under the duvet and sometimes are unable to function very well at all.

You are right to worry about the affect on your little girl and this is why you need to see your GP asap and tell him/her exactly what is going on. Write things down (in a list) so that it is easier to read if you think you will struggle to know what to say. One third of all GP consultations are for mental health problems so you won't be telling them anything remotely new.

Do you have a P or H and if so are they supportive. Do you have any RL support.

I think you have anxiety because you sound alot like me. I think you need to talk to your doctor. Not because i think you sound desperate or anything but you dont have to feel like this, there are things that can help. Not necessarily drugs. Excersise is great for low level anxiety. Also look on the links on the web guide as some of them have questionaires to help you identify your problems.

Have you googled hypothyroidism? There are checklists of symptoms but could include tiredness, anxiety, depresssion, problems sleeping at night, forgetfulness, feeling the cold, constipation, slow hair growth (and more but not necessaril having all of them )
Simple blood test to rule it out

Have you googled hypothyroidism? There are checklists of symptoms but could include tiredness, anxiety, depresssion, problems sleeping at night, forgetfulness, feeling the cold, constipation, slow hair growth (and more but not necessaril having all of them )
Simple blood test to rule it out

Hi thanks for the answers.
I do think a lot about seeing my GP, I do think about making time for it, but I don't really want to. I am scared. I am scared of the GP. He does not even know me properly anyway. He or she, because on the rare occasions I needed a GP I always got someone different.
I don't know how it will sound but I do work with children, so I am also worried how it will affect my work if I see the GP. I want to reassure you that the kids I work with are very well looked after the only thing is that sometimes they see me being a bit impatient with my daughter but I do everything I can to keep it together when I am working.
It all started with my daughter's birthday (we went through a lot of problems since I got pregnant by surprise) and it all gets worse when she is around or when she does things that any child her age will do, I tend to blame her a lot, the poor thing.
I have a husband who is not having a great time either

On the anxiety thread, there are a lot of posters talking about anxiety onset with the birth of 1st child. I wonder of this is what has happened to you?

By this I mean anxiety tha tis triggered by the birth and then stays around for a longtime. Not like PND

thanks again. do I just go to the GP and ask for a test for hypothyroidism? and I can't find the thread about anxiety onset with the birth of 1st child...help?

Yes, you can just go and ask - mention some symptoms and say you'd like to rule it out, also fbc to check iron. Then take it from there. Ask for results tho and if tsh is over 2, post back on here

Yes, you can just go and ask - mention some symptoms and say you'd like to rule it out, also fbc to check iron. Then take it from there. Ask for results tho and if tsh is over 2, post back on here

ok. would you please enlight me on what means fbc and tsh>?

Complexo - I know posters are trying to help but I think you are being given some confusing advice on here, and none of us should be attempting to diagnose on a thread like this. I really don't think you should be consulting Dr Google either as someone has suggested.

I know it can be difficult to see a GP but you really must pluck up your courage to do so, and don't suggest what you think is the problem, that is his or her job. You can help by being as clear as you can about your emotions as you described them in your OP. I am always saying this I know but 1 in 4 people will suffer mental health problems at sometime in their life and one third of all GP consultations are on mental health problems. You will not be telling a GP he or she hasn't heard many many times before.

Are you a childminder by any chance? The GP cannot disclose information about you to anyone unless there is a clinical need, like a referral to a specialist of some sort, and then only with your permission, so don't be worrying about that.

Am I picking up that you have had trouble with bonding with your daughter - sorry if I have that wrong, but I wondered if that was what you were hinting at in talking about getting pregnant by surprise, and things being worse when you daughter is around, as you get impatient with her.

Really hope you can pluck up the courage to get to the GP and maybe start to get the help and support that you deserve.

[http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/feeling_depressed/1489066-FFS-does-ANYTHING-work-for-anxiety]].

Link to anxiety thread

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/feeling_depressed/1489066-FFS-does-ANYTHING-work-for-anxiety

...and here's the active link

I sort of agree and disagree nananina. A quick look at symptoms of hypothyroidism is easy enough and hardly the same as googling brain cancer or something ridiculous. Fwiw I am not 'diagnosing' hypo as ops second post does add more detail, but I will say this
A trip to GP is a good idea
It is better to rule out physical causes of anxiety and depression before starting down the road of mental health diagnosis because once that is what your GP has decided you have (and many are super keen to go down that road) you are stuck with that and many GPs (note not all but I would say many if not most) seem very reluctant to investigate once that is on your file
I have plenty of family and friends examples of this, some extremely serious, but this is not the thread for them really
Once simple things like anaemia and hypo have been ruled in or out, op will be going back to GP for results (takes 3 days) and can also discuss anxiety in greater detail
I don't see a week either way plus getting into the GP system as any big deal

Depends on how bad the op feels about a week either way as being important.

In my darkerst moments a week is like a year, you just hold it together second by second. So a week can seem forever if you feel crap

Thank you all for taking the time in answering to me.
It might sound stupid but I do have this feeling of not trusting the GP, fera of them be judging me or setting me up behind my back. Yes I am a CM and I do worry about me not being able to work if the GP decides I am not fit for it, even though I know I am. But I remember feeling aware of not trusting GPs when I got pregnant. Maybe it is due to communication problems since English is not my mother tongue and I am from abroad...and 5 years ago my understanding of English obviously was a lot worse. So sometimes I might take things out of context, I think.
I bonded with my daughter, not on the first few minutes she had been born, maybe after 1 hour or so...however even though phisically my pregancy was great, emotionally it was tottaly crap and the first year after she was born was the hardest. So it was about 21 months of nightmare and things got better gradually and very slowly. What makes me more confused is I could say that at the present everything is so much better than it was before on so many levels that I don't really understand why it is so so hard for me to put myself together and just get on...
I feel like I have so much potential but my hands ate tied and I can't do nothing, just dream...than I feel bad because I am stuck.

So if I have the courage to go to the GP and say that I feel angry sometimes, depressed and anxious and I am also a CM, would he not be alarmed and contact SS or Ofsted??

No, it's none of his business. Loads of us have to take ad's. 1/3 of the population apparently suffer some sort of mental illness There must be more childminders than you in 20 million people, who will just be carrying on like you will do.

Just putting it into context xx

Hi, I'm experiencing the same symptoms as you have stated: super-tired, unable to focus/ concentrate, irritable for no reason, i drag myself through the day with a fuzzy head... I went to the docs 3 wks ago... i'd never met him before. he was more concerned with how i felt, than what i do for a living. he suggested CBT and AD's, which i agreed. i'm not "cured" by any means, but feeling less desperate than i did.

it has taken me months to take the plunge & see a doc... i wish i had been braver sooner. please go... if it is a physical condition as some folks have suggested can be tested for, then this is best identified sooner rather than later. if it is low mood/ depression, it may not be easy to treat, but asking for help is the stronger thing to do, there is help available & you are not alone.
:)

How to deal with the feeling that you are a failure if you need meds or therapy to be ok and happy? I don't mean to drip feed but yesterday I just remembered that I forgot to mention that my dad is (what we called in my country when he was diagnosed) maniac depressive, he seems to be under control now and my sister disclosed to me she has been treated for depression, I'm not sure what treatments she is having or had but she turned to her spiritual side for help.

There is a genetic link apparently. When I was having this argument with dp I googled this like mad.

There is a gene which has along and short version. People with the short version were more likely to suffer depression. It wasn't inevitable, as child hood experiences also had an effect, but there was conclusive proof

Think you really need to see GP complexo and mention your family history of mental health problems. Don't know if it was just a "typo" but it's manic depression (not maniac depression) and it's usually referred to as bi polar disorder, whereas depression is unipolar disorder.

It is so sad that mental illness still carries such a stigma and that makes people feel a failure for needing meds, but we don't feel a failure if we have to take antibiotics or other medicines for physical illness.

Re the CM thing. You don't have to tell the GP this if you don't want to. The important thing though is that you are able to cope with the CM, and if you can't, then you will say so. That is really important, both for you and the children you mind. Is there any possibility that you can have a break from it while you are feeling so low. The way you describe yourself in your OP doesn't sound like you are up to the task of caring for kids, as it's one of the hardest jobs in the world I reckon.

I was a social worker and middle manager for 30 years and was on ADs for 14 years but I was fortunately able to carry on with my job, as once the severe episode was over, i was ok and made a complete recovery (until a further severe episode 2 yrs ago and still not fully recovered) but am now retired.

You really do need some help and support and the first thing you need to do is to see your GP. Of course meds might make you worse for a while, as they take 2/3 weeks to have any affect.

Thanks. Yes it is bipolar. He usually had episodes of hyperactivity alternated with depression. I'm reducing my work hours from September as I want to go back to study and I will close my business on the end of 2013 to pursue other career. If my daughter is at school I'm totally fine. It is the before and after school and half terms/inset days that makes me worse. When I'm with my daughter only it is easier I think it is because I'm always having plenty of distraction for both of us, always busy and also more relaxed...but if I'm in a position that makes me anxious like eg getting lost or getting late, even if it is not a big deal at all, I do over react...also I'm starting to realise that I maybe have a problem with controlling and when my daughter doesn't do as she is told asap I feel like not in control and slowly start to freak out. I will force me to see a doctor and it is so hard to do it specially when I'm having a good day like today. But I will, I have to.

Are you worried about the way you feel towards your daughter. You say that her first year of life was a nightmare and maybe you have not really recovered or having some kind of post traumatic stress disorder about what you call the "nightmares" of the past. How does her dad feel about her and is there a big difference between the way you both feel. You are obviously having a good think about the way you are behaving towards your daughter, eg you were talking about feeling out of control if she does not do exactly as she is told. How is she getting on at school - what do the teachers say about her - does she make friends easily. Is she a biddable child or is she demanding and difficult. Sorry don't mean to ask so many questions.

I realy think that you should consider seeking counselling about your relationship with your daughter. And yes I think you must see a GP and mention your father has bipolar and your sister has suffered depression, because there is a genetic link.

Ok
The issues during my pregnancy and her first year of life were conected with huge financial problems (nearly homeless and me not being entitled to any help because I am not british nor EU and wasn't married to her british father when she was born) and big decisions that I had to take, eg: deciding to stay in the UK, getting married few months after getting divorce from my 1st husband (which was a huge trauma), having problems with visa application (I was deported and had to come back after marriage) and having to survive on around £900 pounds a month for the 3 of us in London. We didn't starve because he is a chef and took left overs home. Plus he had a drinking problem and used to work 12 to 14 hours a day and I was always alone - no friends - living in a place whitout TV reception, land line, internet conection and even my mobile reception was failing....So what I remember about this time is the bad circunstances of our life but I was happy being a mum, she was a good baby, sleeping well, eating well, developing fine, never ill, so maybe I felt more in control? Now she is sometimes behaving like a teenager already, answering back and being disobedient, and even thought we now have no financial problems, husband have no drink problems and work less hours, I am working at least 10 hours a day, 5 sometimes 6 times a week, and doing most of childcare and housework....so she maybe is feeling left out due the nature of my job (the children are a lot younger and need lots of more attention than her so she hardly comes first) and she has to share everything all the time at school and at home (well she has few things she doesn't need to share if she doesn't want to) so I do understand why sometimes she is difficult and demanding. Sometimes she regrets emotionally and reacts like the toddlers and that is when I go mad because I do know she can be better than that...it seems like sabotage...
Since she started nursery I work closely with teachers to find out if she has any SEN as her family from father side has a history of dislexia but everybody always say they don't have any worries about her and how she gets on at school. Also she is very popular and outgoing, sporty...I would say she is more on the easy side when I am not working. And that is why I am slowly giving up my business.
Her relationship with her father is great and because he doesn't stay with her as much as I do and he doesn't have to work and look after her at the same time the dynamic is very different...and he is more playful and patient but I think that over all there is a good balance.
I had a good day today and done my best to keep it together after school, even though she was pushing and pushing, I won! When the weather is good we are always outside and it is easier, sge meets other children her age and leaves me alone, but today, I am sorry parents, but Cbbebies were on for a little while...better than me getting stressed and shouting. She knows the children will imitate her so she does the naughtiest things just to drive me mad, I talk to her nicely so many times just to get ignored until I loose the plot.

You've painted a very good picture of what has been going on (and it sounds horrendous) and where things are now - much improved by the sound of it.

I think it's interesting that you say sometimes she regresses and acts like the toddlers, and there is small wonder really, as she sees the toddlers getting all the attention. I hadn't realised she was a demanding child, but she probably resents all the smaller children getting the attention from her mummy and so she becomes more demanding. What was she pushing and pushing about today and you won- just a bit curious, and wonderingif this is related to the control issues you spoke about. Are you afraid that she is controlling you. The parent should always have the control of the child, but you need to "pick your battles" and as they say in the UK "don't sweat the small stuff"- she has a lot of control in a way as she knows the little ones will follow her and so she does naughty things. 1 - 0 to your daughter!!

I'm glad you are giving up CMing as I don't think it is good for your daughter. She has to compete with so many younger children for your attention. Do you make time for just the 2 of you to spend time together. I can appreciate that after doing child centred stuff all week you won't be wanting to make jam tarts withher, but it would be good for the child, even if she is just snuggled up to you watching a video.

Oh and do please go see your GP to get some help for the way you have found life such a struggle for some time now.