Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Please could someone just talk to me for a bit, bit desperate

32 replies

TheGroundhog · 01/05/2012 09:42

Absolutely not going to do anything to myself, temptingas it is, but I can't stop crying, feel so trapped, don't even know what I am asking for as there is naff all anyone can do, so lost.

Massive health anxiety, having treatment but justdon't feel I can do it, dp usuall y brilliant, but his dad is in hospital, have been trying to be really strong for him, but thismorning just lost it and couldn't stop crying, he is really upset and has stormed off, i don't blame him I feel like such a bitch.

OP posts:

GRW · 01/05/2012 10:08

It sounds like things are really getting on top of you, and you have a lot to cope with at the moment. It's understandable that you lost it with someone close to you. Is there someone in RL you can call to be with you this morning? I hope your DH's dad will get better soon.

Original poster

TheGroundhog · 01/05/2012 10:26

Thank you for replying, I feel like no-one really has any patience with me any more, I have been in therapy for such a long time and have 'failed' to get better. So there are people whho will spend time with me when I am 'well' but notwhen I fallapart.

I just feel I am a crap partner a crap mum, I don't really want to carry on, but I am clear enought to see that it would be an unfair thing to do to my kids and to my dp too, he has so much else on his plate. I'm just not sure what I am for anymore I am such a mess.

OP posts:

GRW · 01/05/2012 10:38

It must be hard to continue with therapy if you feel you aren't making progress. But I'm sure those who love you won't give up on you, and you need to trust that things can get better. Your therapist wouldn't continue to see you if they didn't believe you can get better.
I don't think you're a crap mum, because you are putting your children's needs first by recognising that you have to carry on for them. It sounds like you have a supportive partner too, even though he is coping with a lot as well.

madmouse · 01/05/2012 10:46

Have a good offload on here so you can give your dp a break now he has worries of his own. What has your anxiety up at the moment?

What kind of therapy have you been having? Looking at underlying causes or just CBT?

I struggled really badly with health anxiety over ds. Was on the NHS waiting list for CBT and decided to go private. Struck gold with a very experienced psychogist who believed I was traumatised by ds's days in NICU and SCBU and treated me for that. I can't believe the result. When ds is poorly now I keep my perspective and don't get scared anymore.

amillionyears · 01/05/2012 10:52

Keep talking TheGroundhog. People on here are listening and want to help, even if you think they cant do anything.And some poeple will have gone through some of the things you have.We are all unique, but will have some things in common.

amillionyears · 01/05/2012 11:05

I always think crying is good.It is better than carrying it all around.
And talking. If you have currently run out of sympathetic people in RL, there are several hundreds on here for you!

amillionyears · 01/05/2012 11:53

I am still talking to you TheGroundhog.And listening.MN has been around for a while now, I dont think it is going anywhere soon.So we are all here.

Original poster

TheGroundhog · 01/05/2012 11:59

Thank you so much all, I feel so pathetic, but just the fact that you have bothered to to reply is nice.

What has got my anxiety up is health stuff I have been having chest pains which I think are just anxiety for a few weeks, I have seen a dr at the local out of hours thingy when I felt I just couldn't cope any more as I was terrified I was having a heart attack. He thought it was just anxiety and advised me to go and get some meds from my gp. After that I was getting a handle on it and they mostly went away.

Then last week fil had a heart attack out of the blue and the pains have become terrible. There is a small logical bit of me that says this is just anxiety but I find it so hard to listen to. I am terrified I am going to die in the night and am too scared to sleep. Anyway this morning I had a really bad pain, worse than the others have been which just sent me into freefall and I went back to the doctors, she was really nice and is sending me for and ECG tomorrow.

Part of me is glad, but she has also really scared me by saying heart attacks in women can be really atypical and the dr I saw at the out of hours should have given me an ECG then.

My coucellor will not be pleased as I am supposed to not visit gps and I had to tell dp and I can hear in his voice that he is really disapointed that I have gone 'against therapy'. I am pissed off with myself that I caved, but I am just so scared, I can't keep spending days crying and nights not sleeping.

I know I am going to have an awful wait now until tomorrow, I think if I can keep posting here it might help and like you say keep the pressure off dp.

Thank you for listening, I feel so disgusting and needy and useless.

OP posts:

Original poster

TheGroundhog · 01/05/2012 12:04

Oh and my therapy is CBT, but tbh I have had on and off therapy (person centered, psychiatric, psychodynamic, interpersonal, group, you name it really) for years and years.

Have been seeing my CBT therapist for just over two years, she is brilliant, but I am just such a mess.

OP posts:

madmouse · 01/05/2012 12:10

You don't really need me to tell you that if she's postponing an ECG until tomorrow she's of the opinion that you are not having any serious heart trouble.
t
How are you eating and drinking? Chest pain can also be indigestion, from stress or other innocent causes. Try some antacids.

JuliaScurr · 01/05/2012 12:23

Make some small plans. What are you having for lunch? Have a short walk round the park. Go to the library. Gentle exercise will help.
Look after yourself. Let us know how you get on.

OrmIrian · 01/05/2012 12:28

Right now if I were you I would get out of the house, take a long walk, get some fresh air and head space. You can't support your DH or yourself feeling like this.

I would be really fed up if a counsellor got pissed off with me for going to see the GP. It's you that is feeling the way you feel, not them!

JuliaScurr · 01/05/2012 12:30

That's 2 votes for a walk (of different lengths)

OrmIrian · 01/05/2012 12:33

It's just that in my experience I don't start to breathe easily and look up until I've been out for about 30 mins. And then my muscles ease, my breathing gets smoother, my shoulders relax and I start to notice what's around me. But we are all different.

amillionyears · 01/05/2012 12:36

You are not disgusting, you are not useless.You need others, we all do.Nothing wrong in that.

fridakahlo · 01/05/2012 12:44

Your counsellor does not want you to visit your GP? Sounds a bit odd. I third the going for a walk. And as OmIran said, do it until you find yourself paying more attention to your surroundings as opposed to how your feeling.
The way we feel is not reality and we can choose how to carry our feelings. Try to accept that this is how you feel now and whilst it is not pleasant, it will end and you will feel different.
Try focusing on noises around you, on the feel of the wind or the rain or the sun. Instead of having thoughts whirling around your head, just try and take your focus to something real and tangible and (preferably) beautiful in some way.

Original poster

TheGroundhog · 01/05/2012 12:59

Okay have made myself some chicken soup and had a yoghurt, am trying to remember to breathe properly.

I know it looks a bit crap but the not visiting the gp thing in terms of CBT does make sense, it is just reassurance seeking which helps enourmously in the short term but in the long term is counterproductive. Tbh being on here and having this thread is probably reassurance seeking too, but I just have to get myself through this one as it is really bad.

Sometimes it just all gets too much though and I feel I am going to explode or start screaming and never stop, when I feel like this I usually get suicidal thoughts pretty quickly which is where I was this morning, totally out of control and it all feels so frightening, that to end it is a much more comforting thought.

I am calmer now however, do not want this to turn into a panic thread.

I think the walk is a good plan and I probably wouldn't have done it otherwise so thank you, am going to venture out into the pissing rain with the dog for an hour as suggested, am terrified it will bring on a heart attack, but if I make it it will be a good sign.

Thank you all, you are all really helping, will report back, post walk

OP posts:

GRW · 01/05/2012 17:23

I hope you are feeling a bit calmer now, and that you had a nice walk with the dog. Well done for getting through this morning.

deleting · 01/05/2012 17:42

I have health anxiety too. it's exhausting and all consuming. Hope your ecg goes well and you get some reassurance.

deleting · 01/05/2012 17:44

Long term reassurance that is. I can sort of understand what the counsellor is saying, but are you supposed to ignore symptoms?

amillionyears · 01/05/2012 20:10

TheGroundhog, hope you are feeling a bit better this evening.
Mn is here at all times of the day and night.Not sure who is on at night, but should be some helpful posters.
I think the fact that your fil had a sudden heart attack has been a bit of a trigger for you, and your dp not being so available.

Original poster

TheGroundhog · 01/05/2012 21:10

Sorry haven't been back, feel awful, can't breathe, keep crying, i can't bear being like this.

Feel like i'm going mad but I know I've been here before.

badly need some sleep.

OP posts:

GRW · 01/05/2012 21:49

It sounds like you're feeling really panicky, and struggling to cope. Try to breathe calmly and slowly. Do you have any medication like diazepam which might help? I hope you have someone with you. You know that feeling this bad won't last forever, and things will get better.
I hope you will feel reassured that you're not having a heart attack after your ECG tomorrow.

amillionyears · 01/05/2012 21:59

I dont have experience of this. Writing something to bump this.Have warm milk to help feel sleepy?

amillionyears · 02/05/2012 07:45

How are you this morning.Good luck at the GPs.

Flip

1 2