Does anyone share my very odd phobia? Maybe TMI

[keithlemonsbackdoors]

Right. This is hideously embarrassing, I'm cringing just trying to get the words in order in my head. I've only ever talked about this with two people before (both counsellors)

I have a MASSIVE phobia of shitting myself losing control in public. And by in public I mean anywhere where there are other people, including my own home. I've been struggling with panic attacks & anxiety for at least 10 years now and the one aspect that I can't deal with is the fact that a panic attack pretty much instantly requires that I scuttle off to the nearest loo. So you can see the vicious circle situation; I worry that I will get the shits gastric disturbance, which causes... you guessed it.

I have so many safety behaviours that it's ridiculous:

Obviously I won't travel any distance
Motorways are right out of the question, as is having anyone else in my car or being a passenger. Or buses. Or long walks.
I can't go to other people's houses coz I'm also scared of using other people's toilets (although this isn't so much of an issue any more because I no longer have any friends)
I'm a very very fussy eater & obsessively hygienic
I only wear dark coloured clothes on my bottom half in case of 'accidents' & feel very uncomfortable if I don't have a jacket or cardie that I could tie round my waist in an emergency

A few days ago I had the norovirus - I'd been getting more & more anxious watching it go around, frantically bleaching everything after my DS & DH had it. I had to send my DH and (breastfed 2 yr old) DS away for 24 hours because I was too ill to look after the little one but couldn't bear the thought of DH hearing my bum explosions D & V symptoms in the bathroom (we live in a small flat where even the smallest of farts can be heard from any of the other rooms. I cannot bear it, there is no privacy at all).

Since then my anxiety has escalated (sp?) out of control - I just failed to walk 5 mins to the local shop (and there's a public toilet there ffs!). I won't let DH sleep in the bedroom in case of any night-time incidents. I sweat & shake & generally struggle to keep it together when anyone else is in the bathroom (we have no separate loo). I've barely eaten anything in the last few days, partly because there's something very reassuring about being completely 'empty'.

I'm not very well am I? What the hell do I do?

This is a very common condition indeed. We see it all the time in primary care CBT services. Contact an IAPT service if you want to look into getting some therapy sessions around it.

The original poster has long gone but I'm here, @treetop66 and happy to chat! I found this post and it felt like me 100%.

@matildathecat1 really? It doesn't even seem to have a name. I'm having DBT at the moment and previously CBT but it doesn't help much.

Probably goes under the catch-all categorisation of "specific social phobia". Or the graceful "toilet phobia".

Hi hun. i am having cbt too its been quite good really. It is sugesting that my mind is getting confused with my irritable bowel syndrome. Well i will be having my next 3rd session on monday. It is so embarrasing as i cant travel or anything.

Yes I'm the same. I also have IBS which I think is what triggered it arriving in the first place, constantly worried i'll get caught out.

Honestly I've never been so relieved to realise I wasn't the only one suffering with this! Hate to know other people have it but nice to know I'm not alone. I've had CBT and it didn't work... hoping just to keep working at it slowly I guess!

Hi! I too am a sufferer of this shit (no pun intended) phobia - it's been ruling my life for about 10 years now :(

Hey GingerNinja22 - I've had it for 2 years now and am worried it will go on for long. Feel awful hearing you've had it for 10 years. Have you had anything improve it or tried CBT or anything? :)

Hi yes I've had CBT which helped a little. I've also paid for some therapy privately as well but eventually ran out of money! The CBT did help a little bit by no means 'fixed' it. I have noticed though that the less you do, the smaller your world becomes, and when something seems impossible, if you are made to just get through the absolute terror of it (e.g. a plane, sharing a car), at the end, your world seems that much bigger again. The thing is, it takes a personality of steel I think to force yourselves through these things daily, which I think really is what I/everybody needs to do to get better. Sometimes I wish the worst would happen just so I can see that at the end of it, I might be humiliated, but I'm still very much here and life will go on.

I've had this for the past two years now and its completely destroyed my life- I've had to move back in with my mum as I can't do anything independently anymore! I've seen many different counselors and I've also been on sertraline, citalopram, trazodone, mirtazapine and propranalol and I'm just getting worse! Is anyone else just too embarrassed to tell anyone about why they actually feel anxious about? I just feel far too embarrassed to admit to a therapist that I panic because I'm scared I'll 'lose control'. Has anyone made any progress with this?

I was very similar @wednesdaya and allowed it to start destroying my life and a lot of incredibly opportunities- but I just found ways of coping with it each day ( always carrying spare clothes or the type of clothes I wore) and I can go out and although I have anxiety and thoughts about it I can still leave my house and be ok! Sometimes you just have to find little things that even just let you leave the house. Also I've REALLY struggled with admitting to anyone what my phobia was but like a lot of things.. unless you're prepared to admit it you can't get the necessary and correct help. Something I've found that gets the similar help I need however is telling people I'm scared of being sick outside of my home... similar to our phobia and both are linked in loads of ways like needing to find a bathroom, both are forms of losing bodily control and although it's not 100% honest it's much less embarrassing but is still close enough to the truth to get help!

I hope yours and everyones improves. It's really horrible to live with and we deserve not to go through life with it!!

Thanks @sarahs19, sometimes someone else saying they have the same issues really helps! I can get out the house but only to maybe one or two specific places like families houses etc. I always have to wear black and always have to carry Imodium. I’ve had two appointments with psychiatrists that I’ve had to miss because I panicked so much before about it, I was worried because the toilets were in the middle of the waiting room and I was scared if I needed to use them quickly they’d be occupied or people would see me. It really is an awful and embarrassing phobia, I think I need to try and be honest about it now as it’s gone on for so long. The vomiting idea is really good, I think I’ll try saying that and hopefully it’ll help me be truly honest about the phobia :)

Is anyone on this thread still posting? I'm wanting to know how you are all getting on?
I could have written nearly every post on here - I've been like other posters all my life and it's hard to deal with.

OMG ! Word for word same issues. Add another big one - visits to dentist and or doctor out of the question for me. Even tried to go for a simple haircut at a local barber. Five separate attempts ! Sat in the car and watched the window of the hairdressers. People kept arriving so I had to go home each time. My wife eventually divorced me as I wouldn't go in a car with her, and was even unable to drive her to hospital during her cancer treatments and surgery.

Hey all, I am suffering with the same problem for nearly a year now.. i believe my cause was severe constipation that caused me to have an accident.. My ocd kicked in to say that it’s disgusting and I was doing all to my power to use coping tools to live ‘normally’ as much as I can. My coping tools include - wearing a diaper whenever I go outside (change into underwear at work for comfort - easy to access bathroom too never has queues), spare pair of trousers and diaper, wet wipes, toilet roll, disabled toilet key, cold water bottle, looots of different flavour chewing gum (eukalyptus encourages you to breathe in and out, breathing deeply should slow panic). Another thing I try to monitor - whether I had a bowel movement on xyz day. However this one tends to backfire due to my ocd.
Finally, I have noticed that when brain is very occupied with varied activities it has no energy to make up these scenarios. I suggest listening to music and lip syncing while your hand pats down to rhythm- takes a lot of focus - helped me cope on bus journeys. As for car journeys with company - what helps me is gossip - bad thing but at least the car is okay lol.

Just a few notes on my life

• I am trying my best to go to work, all aids mentioned above tend to help me get to work.
• I have a compulsion to empty myself before leaving house - if I don’t I get very panicky and urgy.

• Since my actual cause of anxiety I haven’t had any accidents but ‘what if’ is the thought that kills me

IF ANYONE HEALED/has other methods pllllls let me know! I may sound okay but trust me I avoid public places /work too. I just want to tell this silly thought that it cannot control me anymore. I want to be social without stomach churn disturbing my good times!