Support thread - adults on the Autistic Spectrum :)

[fuzzpig]

Hello!

I've seen a lot of MNers mention being on the Spectrum, whether diagnosed or not. I thought we could use a long-running place to chat, share coping strategies and basically to know there are other people like ourselves, who won't judge us for being different.

I'm new to all this myself - only realised there was a possible name for How I Am a couple of weeks ago (thanks to MN)! Now I have a referral to an adult ASD specialist, to see if I have Aspergers. It's all happened very quickly.

Enough waffle from me (for now anyway...) but I hope other people will come along and find this thread useful. :)

Yes, fuzzpig, definitely harder to act normal when you're depressed. I know that social interaction often cheers me up, but if I try to force it when I'm really down, my attempts at conversation just come out as total gobbledegook!

But I have forced myself to be braver over the last couple of years - I'm open with people about feeling depressed/ anxious/ whatever. I haven't got any adverse reactions, although sometimes people won't react when I say I'm having a bad day due to depression - i guess they just don't know what to say.

I've even told a couple of friends about the (self diagnosed) AS - I think it might help them to understand why I sometimes behave strangely, or over react to things.

Next step is to try to spell it out to them. I don't know if I can pluck up the courage to say: "When you get all enthusiastic about doing something next week and then change your mind and let me down, it really hurts. Really, really hurts. It's not a great thing to do, but because I have ASD it's absolutely devastating. I just cannot conceive why you wouldn't do what you said you're going to do".

Wow, I feel a lot better just letting that out!

WRT the love of fiction mentioned upthread: I read that female Aspies, as opposed to males , can often immerse themselves in novels. This is certainly true of me; as a child I constantly had my nose in a book.

Sorry i popped my head in the door and ran away, life gets a bit in the way sometimes.

It really is wonderful to hear your stories - i completely understand about being let down by people, it crushes me too.

I was diagnosed as dyspraxic whilst at university - and i was so pleased to understand why i found the world so confusing, but it also made me feel angry at all the teachers on the past who must have and did notice i was unusual during school, but didn't do anything to help.

I was bullied every year of my school life - i was a polite nice person, but over keen, obsessive and talked about things in a way that implied 'i'm cleverer than you' i didn't recognise these faults till i was 16 and started to tone myself down, but bottling up my personality led to a suicidal depression and ADs only made death seem more attractive.

Interestingly, i am on ADs again now but for migraine prevention, as i'm very sensitive to light- i wear green glasses - am nervous about intrusive thoughts coming back but otherwise they seem to be ok.

I am also hyper aware of conversation and being seen- this makes me sweat and feel anxious. What are they thinking? Sometimes i stop talking mid sentence as a defense.

I see muself in a lot of your posts, i love long numbers like pi and e but otherwise am rubbish at maths.

I've got sertraline at the moment too. I told the doctor they don't make any difference to me so she has said I can stop taking them again if I want to.

MotherPanda I like pi as well. I have memorised it up to the first 20 places so far. I know how to work the rest out after that but I can't do it in my head yet only by writing it down on paper.

I have a question to ask people on here that are sure they have AS. How do you know for certain you have it? I have read about it and a lot of the traits sound like stuff I do, but unless I also read all the symptoms for every other disease or illness too, I can't be 100% certain that is what I have. It would be possible to do that but also very time consuming. I can't cope with 'pretty sure' or 'possibly' or 'quite likely.' I need definite answer yes or no and I won't be able to tell anyone about it or admit it to myself until I have that certainty.

Sorry if this is a weird question, I didn't go to sleep last night and it was what I was thinking about all the time.

Hi, think I have spoken a bit on here to Fuzzpig re:adult diagnosis recently. According to the Aspie-quiz, I have both NT and Aspie traits, only coming out above average for dyspraxia (despite having an official DX of OCD ). I identify a lot with MotherPanda's descriptions of social difficulties, this is my big problem area. I misread the signals and think people are my friends when they aren't, which leads to hurt and disappointment.

Devil - I have been on here for over 7 years too, my previous names were Mummy/To/Steven and Total/Chaos, maybe we have chatted in other guises? In terms of the ADs, they usually take 2-6 weeks to start kicking in, if they do work for you in terms of reducing depression/anxiety,so it would be too soon to notice improvement, you may get some side effects for first week or so while your body gets used to them.

System - I think it's so individual, whether people take these aspie or AQ quizes and read around the subject, and feel that's sufficient, or they would need a medical official diagnosis. I wouldn't feel comfortable without an official diagnosis saying I was on the spectrum, but I would be OK with identifying as self-DX when asked, say by the aspie quiz website.

Fuzz - my DH is massively into buses too, has been since childhood, are you still into it at all?

I'm not sure I've been into buses? You may have the wrong person :o

I think you mean me- i was really obsessed about them from the age of 12-15 years but I do still like them now, but mainly the older ones like the Bristol VR and K types and Leyland Nationals that used to be round here at the time. i don't much care about modern buses really but i do like reading the Bus Times and probably still know more about the bus service for this area than the average person does. I kind of had to stop that as my interest as it was getting me into a lot of trouble. I got bullied a lot at school because it wasn't what normal teenage girls were interested in and also I would disappear without telling my family to go on bus rides and see different types. Having to stop it was really horrible. It felt like I was sort of 'lost' and like my interest was a friend that had died. I used to go to my bedroom and cut my arms to make myself stop thinking about it, but kept it secret because I didn't want people to know how much I missed it or laugh at me for doing something not normal again.

DP did the aspie test and came out with both NT and Aspie traits. In fact my son's ed psych said that adults are usually attracted to others on the spectrum, (hence the increasing numbers of ASDs).

I wondered how the rest of you cope socially? I seem to only be able to make friends with foreigners - my best friends are Swedish and Slovakian (so direct, I love them!)

Does anyone else have problems communicating with British people? Most of the time I just don't understand them, so I keep quiet. I try to talk about the weather, holidays etc, but the friendships never develop.

devil - yes, the one good "mummy" friend I have made locally is foreign, and appreciates my directness compared to most Brits. Re:coping situation - I seem to be v marmite - I come over as nervy, intense/serious but genuine. I feel as if I'm boring and have no personality at times, as it's hard for me to open up. So most people run a mile, but others come to appreciate my intelligence. I can't let my guard down easily to show others my sense of humour. I find iv difficult to manage the casual friend/parents at school gate type relationship. I can be v withdrawn tho if not feeling confident so some of this is my fault tbh

fuzzy sorry about the muddle re:buses

system it was difficult enough for DH as a boy to be into buses, so yes, I realise it must have been even tougher for a girl. I'm sorry you had to give it up. I know lots about public transport too, partly out of self-interest as I don't drive (I am far too nervous given combination of OCD and clumsiness), but I do like knowing about how to get places iyswim, and I suppose that sort of system appeals to me. DH I think is more enthusiastic about the older buses, have heard plenty over the years about Leyland Tiger cubs, and Leopards and Bristol VRs etc.

Its ok after a while I started collecting beanie babies then pokemon cards and after that I got obsessed with Lord of the Rings. I always have to have something that I'm interested in and in between them i don't feel right. That is how I am right now, I have been obsessed by certain science topics for the last 6 years but I am stating to lose it now. The only difference now to when I was younger is that I keep my interests secret and don't talk to people about them much because I know they think its weird.

DH is like that as well, likes to have an interest/goal on the go. Hes very into LOTR. I have a small collection of Hello Kitty beanies. I have dabbled in Pokemon (originally bought a cheap game to see if DS would like it, got into it myself), but more into other JRPGs like Dragonquest. I suppose having these collections/interests has become my version of normal iyswim. DS has got some pokemon cards, but doesn't really know how to play them, so I keep meaning to find the website that teaches you so both me and DS can learn.

System : awww, the buses sound like a lovely thing to be interested in! So sad that people couldn't accept you being into things like that....do you ever go to any rallies?

I agree with the difficulty in communicating with British people. I miss my days in Italy when you could just be much more direct with people- especially in disagreement. A bit of an altercation, the case stated pretty vehemently on both sides, then disagreement over with no grudges borne.

I think it's more of a British thing to not come out with what you think or feel - to be more repressed reserved. Which is just what an Aspie can't cope with...

WRT the diagnosis question: I'm pretty sure I have at least AS traits, but probably won't go for a proper diagnosis (I'm functioning, so I don't think there's much they'd do for me), so I'll probably continue to refer to myself as a "self-diagnosed" Aspie, or "very probably having some AS traits".

Has anybody got any good book recommendations about coping with AS?

Pokemon card game is really easy to play, the problem I had was no one would play with me so I had to play against myself. There is a gameboy game where you can play a digital version of it though.

devil - yes, the one good "mummy" friend I have made locally is foreign, and appreciates my directness compared to most Brits. Re:coping situation - I seem to be v marmite - I come over as nervy, intense/serious but genuine. I feel as if I'm boring and have no personality at times, as it's hard for me to open up. So most people run a mile, but others come to appreciate my intelligence. I can't let my guard down easily to show others my sense of humour. I find iv difficult to manage the casual friend/parents at school gate type relationship. I can be v withdrawn tho if not feeling confident so some of this is my fault tbh

That is exactly how I am. I long to be able to open up to people so they can discover the real me (I am quite funny really, and do make my family laugh). I remember at work, I used to sit there absolutely desperate to join in the conversations, but never quite knowing what to say. I think everyone thought I was boring and painfully shy.

RE: Pokemon cards, I guess most of you are younger than me, these were not around when I was young, although my ASD five year old is into them.

I was always obsessed with computer games though, I used to get in from work and play Tomb Raider for hours and hours.

I was reading these posts thinking "I don't have any special interests/obsessions"

Then I realised I do, but because DH shares many of them, I never saw them as unusual... Though a lot of people react with puzzled looks if I tell them!

As well as the puzzles I mentioned at the start of the thread, I am addicted to various DVDs which I would happily watch over and over again. I've always been like that. It's comforting. I rarely wanted to watch anything new, although now I work at the library and get free rentals my obsession has spread to watching as many new movies as I can!

Wedding is tomorrow, off to hotel tonight. It would be so much easier if I were just a guest but I have to be in front of people as a bridesmaid. It's a huge wedding. I'm scared and feel sick with nerves, and I feel guilty because I'm dreading this when I should be excited for my two best friends.

devil: I was well into my 20s when I started collecting pokemon cards, thats part of the problem. It wouldn't have been so unusual for a 7 year old to collect them but slighty strange for a grown woman with no kids at the time.

My dh is dyspraxic - but neither of us knew this till about 8 years after we had met.

I am an obsessive collector of pandas, and it used to be monopoly.

How are you all with the phone? I hate calling people i dont know, or picking up the call, but as dh is actually terrified of the phone it is normally my job. I normally end up talking over the person as i don't know when to stop, or see when they want to start.

I'm a control freak too... How many of my 'bad' traits are down to me being dyspraxic... And how many are just me... Or is it impossible to seperate.

I made a piece of music correlating the digits of pi to musical notes, so i can't tell you the numbers, but i can sing it to you... (i did this before being diagnosed... And music teacher didn't bat an eyelid...)

See - i sound all mememe but i've read every post and feel deeply for each post... I'm sure i have things to say... Just not sure what, apart from 'me too!'

I don't like phones either, I avoid using them wherever possible. I am better at it now than I used to be though.

Just marking my place here.
I think my DH is somehwre on the AS spectrum and reading all these posts is giving a fantastic insight as to how things are for him (and therefore perhaps a better way for me to relate to him too...)

I hate talking on the phone too. Hate it when people call me and I have to phone them back. Feel much happier texting or emailing

I don't really like any type of communication like that as I agonise over exactly what to say. Even an RSVP text for a school birthday party is a nightmare - I usually don't do it until way after the date.

Answerphones are terrible too. And forms. Stuff like benefits are beyond me, as the forms make me panic. Thankfully DH is very efficient.

I have to use phones for my job but there are very strict rules so it's like I have an algorithm in my head so I know what to do.

I am happy tonight, just had the pre-wedding dinner with my friends and we were all reminiscing about famous five - I have them all on DVD so we are going to have a famous five party at some point! That kind of party I can cope with I think as there will only be a few people and there is a shared interest.

fuzzpig I do exactly the same with text and emails but I still prefer them to phone calls or face to face as at least I do get thinking time even if that is quite a long thinking time. I have the same kind of problems with writing essays and its got so bad this year I'm missing deadlines. I don't think it helps that I'm not interested in the subjects either. That's why I've got referred to learning support for the dyslexia test etc.

system/devilThanks for the tip re:Pokemon GBA games, I'll look out for that in second hand shops, you never know. Funnily enough I was never interested in Pokemon or computer games when I was young - because of my dyspraxic tendencies, when I tried them at friends' houses I was v bad at the hand eye coordination with sonic etc. It was as my boy started to get interested that I did really . I have been doing Logic Puzzles, Hanije, Kakuro etc puzzles for years, it's calming and reassuring dealing with a simple logical system iyswim.

Somebody asked about helpful books re:AS/ASD. I haven't read that much about it from an adult perspective, as my concern was more with my DS's language delay, but I found Martian in the Playground by Claire Sainsbury useful, as I identified with much of the social difficulties described, and Temple Grandin's recent book is also v good, and Donna Williams' website is v interesting.

Re:phones. I am uncomfortable on the phone, as I never know when to speak and when not to iyswim, the advent of msn etc has deskilled me further! I can cope if I have to work on the phone, as long as it's quite scripted, but really don't enjoy it.