Support thread - adults on the Autistic Spectrum :)

[fuzzpig]

Hello!

I've seen a lot of MNers mention being on the Spectrum, whether diagnosed or not. I thought we could use a long-running place to chat, share coping strategies and basically to know there are other people like ourselves, who won't judge us for being different.

I'm new to all this myself - only realised there was a possible name for How I Am a couple of weeks ago (thanks to MN)! Now I have a referral to an adult ASD specialist, to see if I have Aspergers. It's all happened very quickly.

Enough waffle from me (for now anyway...) but I hope other people will come along and find this thread useful. :)

So you've got a referral to a psychiatrist? That's great. Hopefully they'll be able to figure out what's going on.

Have you tried phoning the NAS helpline? Or possibly you could email them. They sent me an info sheet about AS specifically for GPs. If you asked for that, maybe you could just hand it over. They would understand because they already know you struggle to verbalise things.

Yes she is referring me to a psychiatrist. I am really scared about that because if I am like I was today, I think they will lock me up. I know I'm not mad, I am just not normal and like everyone else. Maybe that is what being mad is?

No, you're not mad, you are different (like the rest of us on this thread!) :)

They won't lock you up because you aren't presenting a danger to yourself or others.

Have you got a list of symptoms? Maybe write or print it and take that to show them. Then you won't need to speak until they've read it and they will probably just ask simple questions with short answers.

Yes but I worry people will think I am mad because I can't say or explain why I am not. This has happened to me before. I actually hurt myself yesterday in front of the doctor. i made myself bleed which is not good. I didn't mean to do it. I was just trying to stop my hand from shaking. Trying to be normal because sometimes I can't stop my hands from moving on their own when I am talking.

I have got a list, but its not really clear so I think I need to do that again. I also have to write some stuff down for the dyslexia test I'm going to on thursday. I should be doing my course work and not wasting my time on other stuff. The problem I always have is I can't focus to do work on a subject (like my current assignments) I'm not interested in. All I can think about is the stuff that does interest me or I consider important, so I spend my time doing that instead. then I realise there is no time left to do the non-interesting( but actually important) stuff so I end up in trouble but can't explain why I did that.

It might be worth considering taking an autism advocate with you. Who can be there to support you and to answer for you if necessary. Speak to the NAS about it. Or it maybe that your Dr refers anyone suspected of having Aspergers to a psychiatrist. I was lucky as there is a specialist centre near me that I could be referred to. If you live in Cambridgeshire, I can recommend ARC in Cambridge.

Ok, have gp appointment booked for tomorrow. Going to discuss getting help for my social phobia and a possible diagnosis for ASD. very, very nervous.

I don't live in Cambridgeshire, I live in Sussex. Taking people with me means it will be harder to talk. No one knows about how I am anyway.

Devil, best of luck. Any chance you can phone the NAS helpline? It might be good to talk things through and clarify your thoughts. Having a list of symptoms was really good too.

Thanks Fuzzpig. Have an email from my local autistic society with some advice on what to say to the GP.

Contacted them ages ago about my son and happened to mention I thought I was on the spectrum too

Agreed, no one knows how you are except you SystemofaDowny. Sometimes it can help, but it was just a suggestion, similarly, it was IF you live in Cambs.

Good luck Devil, let us know how it goes.

I have just been brave. I went to an open classroom thing at school and decided to tell DD's teacher that things aren't so good at home, because I'm worried we aren't keeping up with all her reading etc. So I mentioned all the stuff that's going on including my referral. Teacher was very sympathetic and understanding.

Thats really good fuzzpig!

A word of warning on disclosure though, you might like to ask that people don't share the information with others. When I told DS's teacher that I was going for a diagnosis, the whole staffroom knew within a day! They were all sympathetic and a number of them congratulated me on being brave enough to do it, but I still felt a bit . In the words of Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman "I say when, I say who". Its very disconcerting when people you haven't told mention it!

that's awful. DD's teacher said she'd tell her colleague as they do a job share. At work I've been told that they won't tell anyone else and I believe them - although TBH I plan on telling people at some point anyway.

My parents are visiting ATM and my mum asked a couple of things about AS symptoms. Then she said "so it hasn't really affected you growing up, then"

To be fair she said the same thing about the sexual assault I suffered regularly at the hands of her brother.

I didn't have a hope in hell of growing up happy did I. I feel like I don't have control over anything in my life (maybe that is why I need lists so much - it's something I can control). Everything is WRONG and I want to stamp my feet and shout that it's not fair!

Hi all - Have just come back from GP appointment.

She was absolutely determined to write me off as depressed and said most mothers of young children felt the same way.

I didn't back down though, I keep repeating that I didn't think that I was depressed, and that I wanted help for my social phobia and possible ASD.

I asked to be referred for CBT (for the phobia)

I gave her all the email from the autistic society and she wrote down the consultant's name (the person I should be referred to for ASD)

So, for the next month I have to take anti-depressants, which also apparently help with social anxiety. Don't understand really, surely anxiety and depression are at opposite ends of the spectrum? Won't an anti-depressant make me even more anxious

I get the feeling she will refer me to the consultant and for CBT as long as I take these tablets for a month

Meant to say Fuzzpig - sorry about your childhood sexual assault, and your mum not taking you seriously.

I was never close to my mum, but now I realise she has aspergers too. I can't ever remember her hugging or kissing me. She spent our childhood writing poetry (not that interested in her children at all)

There've been other situations too where people have thought it OK to pass on the info, because they thought it was in my best interests - but without telling me they'd done that. I completely lost it on one occasion, its not for them to say but for me surely? Some of it related to some voluntary work I was doing, which I spend a lot of my time on, but involves interacting with people.

devilinside, can't really advise on the medication, only that if you are Autistic, then often the medication doesn't react in the way its supposed to. I always felt like a zombie when on prescribed stuff. But St John's Wort took the edge off my anxiety without affecting my ability to think for myself. Are you happy to wait the month, or will you go back?

Fuzzpig, thats really sad about your mum and her brother. She sounds quite defensive!

Just settling myself in, will be back to chat later, i'm dyspraxic, but i'm less clumsy and more socially nervous. So lovely to read about all you lovely normal people :)

Hi motherpanda :)

Yes I agree about the medication. It's nice to read, actually, that others find the same. I've been on and off various ADs for 11 years, and felt like a failure because they didn't work. I thought it was my fault.

But now I know that maybe my brain is just totally different and the medication was not right for somebody with AS.

I am really, really struggling now. There is too much going on. I want to run away. It's been a long time since I thought about self harm (I only thought about it... didn't do anything) just to have a physical pain to focus on instead of all the stuff in my head.

I want to go to the doctor again and say I can't cope but all they can do is stick me on medication that won't work. Nothing will change the stuff that's going on.

I have also tried many medications over the years. No anti-depressants have ever made any positive difference. Only one, Mirtazapine, i can say may have had an effect on me, but it was a negative one. I have also taken anti-psychotic medication, which did have an effect on me but also lots of side-effects and anti-anxiety ( mainly benzodiazepines) which did work but were very addictive as were the sleeping tablets.

I went to my dyslexia screening test today. Totally messed it up. I got really annoyed that there wasn't an option I would choose but the assessor kept telling me to pick any and it didn't matter. I said it did matter and it wouldn't be right to pick a wrong answer. in the end she left and got her manager and he is sending me to see the educational psychologist. I thought they were just for children. The whole thing was so confusing for me, I had to spend 2 hours afterwards sitting in my car doing numbers until I felt better again.

Sounds like that no-one is having much fun with Drs at the moment :(.

There are anti-depressants which are recommended for Aspies, but tbh I prefer to use meditation and other stuff to reduce my stress levels or anxiety. I went for CBT but the counsellor told me I already used very advanced coping techniques, so all she did was affirm what I was doing it right. Which didn't really help as it didn't teach me how to deal with meltdowns.

which anti-depressants? I don't even think I am depressed even though everyone tells me I am. I am happy when I do numbers or read about endosymbiotic theory. I am not happy when people interupt me doing them or I have to change the ways I do things or have to talk to people. I don't think that counts as depression. Anyway the test today wasn't with the doctor it was at the university. The person I spoke to actually wasn't too bad, easier to speak to than I expected but he did speak for too long and I went into my own world and missed lots of it.

Hello everyone,

This was a good thread to find today. I am depressed at the moment, and finds that it brings out some of the worst of my AS symptoms (no idea if I'm "officially" Aspie, the test says I "most probably" am. Tut tut, grammar....131/200 AS, 91/200 NT, by the way).

It's people, with me. Always people. Can't achieve intimacy, get very very hurt, absolutely CANNOT STAND being let down. When I'm feeling on top of the game, I find I can deploy all the coping strategies and thought patterns I've learnt over the years - I've managed to train myself to even think like a normal person.

But when I'm down, I just can't manage it. My thoughts are just full of rage and bitterness towards people who have let me down. And I just have to hide it all, hide the craziness, in order not to lose friends - yep, the same ones who let me down anyway. I feel I can't ever ever let them know how I feel.

Which is exhausting.

Being seen by an ed psych will be a good thing I'm sure - another possible route for the referral you ultimately need.

I would love to know what ADs are good too. I am definitely depressed - it is just that a lot of the cause is the way my brain works.

Welcome, stubbornstains :)

Yes it is extremely exhausting isn't it. I don't really let anyone in anymore - I barely even tell DH how I feel these days. I was struggling at work today and a few people asked if I was ok - in a "you don't look yourself" way rather than a cheery "how're you doing" in the corridor. I managed to say things were getting on top of me. I just wanted to cry but I don't want to break down altogether. Work is the one place where usually I am happy, and I am terrified I will ruin that too.

When I do open up I am hyper aware of what I'm saying and because I can't tell what the other person is thinking - and it often seems like I'm saying something wrong as I get those uncomfortable little laughs from them - I am paranoid I have made myself look a total idiot.

It is definitely harder to act normal when you're depressed. And then it's a vicious cycle isn't it - you find yourself acting wrong, and feeling inferior because you can't be like everyone else... So you get more depressed.

My brain is a cruel mistress.

The anti-depressants I have been given are Sertraline. Took one earlier and it's made absolutely no diffence to how I am feeling.

I am suffering from insomnia at the moment, but that's because I had two stressful social events last weekend (including a performance with my choir). That kind of change in routine is usually enough to send me over the edge