Support thread - adults on the Autistic Spectrum :)

[fuzzpig]

Hello!

I've seen a lot of MNers mention being on the Spectrum, whether diagnosed or not. I thought we could use a long-running place to chat, share coping strategies and basically to know there are other people like ourselves, who won't judge us for being different.

I'm new to all this myself - only realised there was a possible name for How I Am a couple of weeks ago (thanks to MN)! Now I have a referral to an adult ASD specialist, to see if I have Aspergers. It's all happened very quickly.

Enough waffle from me (for now anyway...) but I hope other people will come along and find this thread useful. :)

Oh system - is there a possibility of a resit?

DD (now 20) was fine at home when she was little, though was (and still is) a stubborn little thing. At nursery she wouldn't speak, in the infants she played on her own, but she changed and now has a wide social life and a career. Her own account is that she just watched from the edges till she decided she could do it.

I was worried she would have a miserable time at primary school like I did, but for her it turned out not to be like that.

So maybe just give it a bit longer? And post for support?

yes the course leader would probably let me resit in the summer holidays, which would be fine if it was just that exam I had to think about, but the chances are I haven't done very well in some of the other exams too. Also as I have not completed 3 lots of coursework this year I would need to be retaking those over the holidays too if I wanted to pass. Even then its dependent on the very unlikely event that I get the last 2 lots of coursework finished in the next 2 weeks. Trying to do all of that work over the holidays with the kids at home would make me have a breakdown i think, I've come close to that trying( and failing) to do it all in the last 7 months so I can't see how it is possible in just 6 weeks.

I've been trying to find out if I can just repeat the whole year next year instead, but I'm not sure whether I would get funding for it. I didn't really want to do that because I wanted to do year 2 of a different course ( because I find these subjects very boring) but I don't think I will get accepted with my terrible grades. Also I'm really not looking forward to explaining all this to my mum, but she will find out anyway so I have to. The only thing I am thinking might be positive is if the educational psychologist I'm seeing next week can suggest anything that will make the work easier for me, but at the moment I can't think what that would be.

:( system, I hope the Ed Psych is able to help.

Shit system I'm sorry the exams have gone badly :( I hope the ed psych is helpful. I really wish you didn't feel so worried about what your mum thinks. From what you've posted before, she really doesn't seem very nice. There is so much more to you than academic achievement, but she doesn't seem bothered about that. Same with my parents. TBH I think that is a big factor in why I never got help with AS as a child - they had the child genius they wanted, so who cares if I was unhappy? I have only just started to stop myself craving their approval but believe me I know how hard it is. What helped was thinking about my own children. I do NOT want to be the mum who puts pressure on the DCs to achieve, who pushes them so far into academia that they never get to explore anything else. My mum made a throwaway comment about DD not reading yet (she wasn't even 4 FFS!) and that made me see her true colours at last. I don't know, is there somebody who can tell your mum for you? I can't remember if you have a DP/H?

Thanks for the implant suggestion BTW - that was the one I've been pondering. Something in my arm would be fine.

hello and welcome only4tonight. don't worry about feeling like a fraud, most of the posters on here don't have a DX (yet at any rate)

re:your DD, I would take her to GP, see if they would refer her for a hearing test, could be something like glue ear meaning she's finding it hard to respond to others, and once hearing problems are ruled out, possibly look at getting her on the list for speech therapy if you have concerns about her language.

System - sorry you have been struggling with your exams. Hope you sort something out for next year.

Fuzz - is there any reason you wouldn't want to try the Pill first for hormone/period problems?

Hello, I'm glad you've posted TLP as it's reminded me to come back. Yesterday was so shit I've not got up the courage to post about it yet (and right now I should be doing my assignment for OU course). I will though... just feel far too wobbly right now.

Welcome o4t and I agree you are not a fraud, this is (I hope!) a welcoming, inclusive thread, so hop in :)

TLP - I am completely and utterly hopeless with taking medication of any sort. I would certainly not be reliable enough to use it as contraception (and that is another reason I want to do something... sick of condoms! ). I also worry - and this applies to all hormonal contraceptives which is why I've been dithering for years - about putting chemicals in my body or doing anything which changes things (I managed with ADs, because that's just my brain, not my whole reproductive system which I feel is vulnerable). I worry about cancer risk etc. I know that is probably stupid - I am a big worry wart when it comes to health.

Hi everyone. Can I join your thread? I've had a lifetime of being messed about by the NHS being told I was this that and the other and being pointlessly dosed up on anti-depressants. Finally received an autism diagnosis after I moved to Sweden. Hurray! Now I can start to put all the pieces back together again.

Hello :) I was hoping you'd come along after I linked on, um, some other thread we were both on

I'm glad you've had a diagnosis, and that it's made a positive difference. Has it been at all upsetting though (sorry if that's a rude Q)? I feel happy that I've got an explanation but I am struggling with other aspects of this realisation - the fact that it is forever, and the anger that nobody picked this up before.

Right. I said I'd post about Saturday.

It was really horrible. I felt like a fish out of water, everyone has said how very different Saturdays are and I really felt it. When I take the DCs there it feels very uncomfortable - I only put up with it as otherwise they wouldn't get to visit - because it is so busy. I was hoping it would be different as I'd be safe, on the staff side, but it felt just as bad.

There are a few Saturday assistants whom I don't know at all. The timetable is totally different. I kept doing things wrong and then fighting back tears. Part of the timetable difference was good - because the SAs do a lot of the public side (though I did the first stint and it was really testing) I got more time for behind-the-scenes type tasks. But every time I nipped out front it freaked me out. It was an assault on my senses, like when you open the oven door and the heat burns your face but there's no yummy dinner as a reward.

Thing is I don't know if I really did find it so hard, or if that was just because I'm now so aware of AS that it is like a self fulfilling prophecy. In which case I should be very angry at myself for letting that happen. I'm sure at one point I was looking forward to this and not dreading it.

Alternatively, there's the option that I would always have found it a struggle, and had I not known about AS, I would have been really upset and confused because I wouldn't have known why I found it more difficult.

There was nobody to talk to about it although I made a few comments about struggling with it being busy. I have actually told a couple of people now but because everyone does alternate Saturdays it just so happened none of those people were there. I felt very alone. The other deputy - the one who has been told but didn't mention anything - did ask how I was finding it but it was more like a blustery get-on-with-it question IYSWIM. I really wish I was on the other Saturday with my line manager.

And the manager just asked me (arrived at work a few mins ago) if I was sure I was ok... I still said yes. And I'm NOT.

Sounds horrible fuzzpig, is it something you can adjust to, do you think? I'm almost certain you would still have found it hard, if you hadn't known about your AS. Yes you are more aware of it, but because you are more aware of it, you can start to put in place "coping strategies" and rationalise what will help. Its still very new to you, so don't be too hard on yourself. The self-recognition of what is wrong gets easier with time as you become more aware of yourself and your needs.

Welcome Kladdkaka, can I ask what your name means please?

I think I can get used to it, but it would be a lot easier if some people on my Saturday knew about the AS. Just so I could say "this is difficult"

fuzzpig I think you're bound to go through an information gathering stage where you notice stuff because of your diagnosis. I reckon the next stage might be that you process this and it actually becomes a bit easier. Trust your process on this.

I'm glad you've had a diagnosis, and that it's made a positive difference. Has it been at all upsetting though (sorry if that's a rude Q)? I feel happy that I've got an explanation but I am struggling with other aspects of this realisation - the fact that it is forever, and the anger that nobody picked this up before.

When I first had it confirmed I was overwealmed with relief. I think, because I knew that all my eggs were in that basket and the diagnosis process was such that I knew the answer would absolute. Then I went home and cried for a week. Grieving I suppose for the 'normal' that had died.

Now I've found a level or peace and contentment that I'd never know before, although there's still a long way to go. At the same time there is a raging anger at the failure of all the professionals I met along the way who failed me and at all the terrible situations I went through that could have been prevented had I been diagnosed.

Welcome Kladdkaka, can I ask what your name means please?

Swedish sticky chocolate brownie cake. :o

Welcome Kladdkaka, are you actually Swedish?

One of my closest friends is Swedish, I think the people are great - so direct, you always know exactly where you stand. I fancy living there myself. Can't seem to connect with Brits at all (expect my fellow aspies, of course :) )

No I'm not Swedish, although I do live there. Sweden is much more aspie friendly. Not just in the extra services and support available, but just in the day to day way they communicate and socialise.

Even with a diagnosis though, people do not always respond supportively, and won't always take what I say just as I mean to say it. Like the time when I said "I don't understand" and someone got snarky with me because they thought I was being snarky. Then there are the ones who don't believe the diagnosis, or think you are exaggerating how you feel, even when you are only outwardly showing 1% of what you are feeling inside.

I've already got an idea who I will tell based on who I trust. I am (surprisingly perhaps?) quite a good judge of character. Maybe because I had to learn it. I tend to pick up the tiny details and nuances in speech because I have to use them instead of the overall tone I think.

I know a few people who I won't be approaching about it as although they are nice people I just don't get that vibe from IYSWIM.

Today was ok, I am annoyed at myself for not talking to my line manager about Saturday. Not that there's anything we can do, I will just have to get used to it, I don't know how to though.

I picked up 'genius in the basement' and 'Stuart - a life backwards' today as they are supposed to be about ASD.

I've also been looking at stuff aimed at children/parents but I don't know if I want to read it yet. I don't know if I would be reading it thinking "why did nobody realise" - especially as I know why already, and the reason really hurts.

how is everyone today?

I have a very stressful weekend coming up that will push my aspie self to the very limit!

I'm off for a sailing weekend for a friend's birthday (without DP), and whilst I'm sure it will be great fun, a couple of things are really bothering me:

I will have to share a cabin with other people (I sleep very badly anyway, and can't stand the thought of people seeing me asleep).

I have a severe sickness phobia (have stocked up on anti-sickness medication).

Other than that, hoping it will be a blast - lots of drinking and fun!

I've got the book Stuart - a life backwards. I never finished it because I found it quite distressing. "A friend like Henry" is a good book, I enjoyed that.

devilinside, sounds like an exciting and eventful weekend! Hope it all goes well. I usually find my fears are greater than the actuality, as I think through and overprocess every possible eventuality!

I am wondering, does anyone else have a wheat intolerance? Seems to go hand in hand with ASDs sometimes, but for many years I kept having stomach problems and tiredness problems, and giving up wheat has really helped!

Ooh I can totally relate to both those worries. Am emetophobic and I hate people seeing me asleep. I was always the last asleep at sleepovers and I don't even risk falling asleep in front of my lovely stepchildren when they stay over. I probably seem really antisocial as I go to bed early.

I hope you have fun though - a change sometimes can be a good thing. :)

I just got back from my educational psychologist appointment. I took nearly 3 hours and i am exhausted. I only expected 10 mins like at a doctors appointment. Think I started to do badly towards the end because i just wanted to get out of there quickly.

Oh system I don't think you CAN do badly with a psycologist. I think the results his are.

Can I recommend the book "look me in the eye" its a great book about life as an aspie.

I mean I wasn't trying as hard to get the answer in the end, just saying i don't know when maybe I could have got the right answer if I had thought about it for longer. I think the whole length of it was too long and especially on the reading parts i was too tired to read it all and just guessed the answers.

I will get a copy of the report in 2 weeks, but she said I scored low on language and social, average on processing, and high on maths and logic. Not sure why it cost £400 for that when I could have told them the same thing for free!

OMG did you have to pay for that? Or was it funded?

I will look up that book. There are advantages to working in a library :o

No I didn't have to pay but the university did. I had to sign a form with my details on so it could be paid though so that's how I know how much it cost.