Emetophobia - Support Thread

[VickyandAlistair]

I am one of the many people out there who suffers an irrational fear of vomit/vomiting. Its called Emetophobia and it can make being a mummy VERY difficult! Right now, my son is out of sorts, nothing I can put my finger on, but me being me has convinced myself that he will be sick. Emetophobia isnt where you 'just dont like' sick (who LIKES sick?!) its where the very thought of being sick/someone else being sick can send you into a panic attack. I'm interested to see how many other mums suffer this fear, and what they do to overcome it :)

Hi. I'm an emetophobe, and have been since I was a small child. My children are teenagers now, and a) get fewer bugs, and b) can deal with themselves if they do, leaving me to compulsively bleach the house afterwards.

I have never "come out" to friends and family. Even DH thinks I just don't like sick, and has kindly dealt with all the worst events. My life has been punctuated by eg walking 3 miles home after seeing someone vomiting out of a car window, getting off trains 3 stops early beause someone looks peaky, leaving pubs because someone has vomited etc.

Having small children was definitely the worst part though.

A few of my closest friends know about my phobia, but no-one realises how difficult it can make life. I, too avoid crowds, etc, and avoid meeting people if I hear they have been sick. People seem to think it is just me being a bit neurotic, and laugh about it. The saddest thing is that my younger DS, who now has a baby of his own, seems to have picked up my phobia, and runs about with bleach whenever the baby is ill. I now feel really guilty that I was the cause.

Mary, my daughter is showing signs of having the phobia too, it makes me feel so guilty, i do try my hardest to hide it from her but its so hard when you are so petrified of something.

Onehand- i have not been on a bus sinse i was a teen, i took a late bus home and some drunk was sick, i had to get off the bus straight away and phone for my mum to come and get me. (i hurried up and past my test after that), i don't use any public transport, have only been on a train once when it was quiet (i drive everywhere).

When the kids are ill i cope with it, i wont let dh clear it up incase he doesn't do it properly (i need to make sure i have done everything possible not to spread the illness around the house) anything that has touched v has to go in the bin.

I wish i could swap this phobia for a fear of spiders or clowns, it would be much easier to avoid these things.

My dd 15 has this, along with ocd.
She is better at dealing with it now, having had cbt.
She worries about ds being sick...he is 13 and has never been sick since a baby. It makes it very difficult to have a meal out...if someone coughs, she automatically thinks sick...and has run out of restaurants before.

Oh no Mary you poor thing! And of course your poor DH. I hope he is feeling a little better now.

I think the worst bit is definitely the anticipation, and I'm the same as you in that the anxiety then makes me feel nauseous and I panic too. It's a vicious circle and it's awful.

Oh and yes, I too have left restaurants before and refuse to take buses. I think they all smell of sick anyway. I'm sure people just think I'm a snob. I'm dreading going away this year because we're flying and I always think "what if someone starts being sick?! There's nowhere for me to run?!"... Flying REALLY panics me. I also check toilets for vomit... Not public toilets, I won't use them, but at work and people's houses etc. And I won't use a toilet that I know someone had been sick in recently... I'm convinced there's germs lurking there somewhere.

Does anyone know where their phobias have come from? why you feel like this? Traumatic experience of sickness when younger??

I have never told anyone except DH (to be fair it's not really been an issue)

I didn't even know there was a name for it until joining MN!

Today I was helping in DD's school when some
TAs went down to corridor with what looked like stuff for cleaning up. Panicked because they were heading to reception classrooms. My DD hasn't mentioned anyone being sick though... Hopefully it's ok.

I've been getting waves of nausea a lot lately. I think it's stress about something else and I'm glad I have an iron stomach so hardly ever get sick, but I get quite freaked out.

The reason? Not entirely sure but I think my grandfather dying had a big impact. I was at their house and he was being sick, that was the last time I saw him as he was diagnosed with cancer and died soon after.

Also when DD was 17m she got (I think) noro. At that time I had no idea how to deal with dehydration - as I said I barely ever get sick so no real experience - and she got very ill, ended up on a drip. As well as the worry, I felt so so guilty I'd let it get so bad.

So obviously two bad experiences with sickness being serious. But actually the main feeling I had around vomiting was embarrassment. Think I've posted this before but when my mum used to get sick in the car a lot I would close my eyes and pretend to be asleep. I just couldn't handle it but it was shame rather than fear. There is a bend in the road near my childhood home and once my mum was sick there, just seconds from home, and I ran inside to get away from it when we got back. For years after if my mum was in the car when we got to that bend I'd shut my eyes and panic, totally convinced she would be sick again.

Why did I feel embarrassed though? I have no idea.

Me. A few Christmases ago I became a virtual recluse because of my emetophobia. Norovirus was all over the news and we'd had several cases in the school I worked in, when the holiday came I lived in my bedroom. My fear is greatest around my DD because I know she needs me more than DS ever did when he was sick. There is a reason for that other than just me being a crap mum but it probably seems irrational to most. DD is frequently in hospital with her asthma and A&E is our second home but she freaks if anyone near her vomits which can make admissions difficult, especially at night time when the drunks are there. She, like me, has never been drunk because the fear of vomiting is so strong (it's ok for her to drink, she's 21). I have had CBT but slowly the fear is returning, although there are now things I can do that I couldn't. I can cook and eat pork, I can cook chicken without overly freaking, I can finally go abroad on holiday, I can eat out more easily but I would never eat chicken or pork out, and I can deal with vomiting kids at work so CBT did help quite a bit.

My reason for it?

My mum to an extent, she was mentally ill due to abuse and I grew up with a mum who was either abusive or very OTT on cleanliness (talking salad washed in Milton, never being allowed 1p sweets that hadn't been sterilized in Milton, washing our skin with neat Milton on a flannel). She would hit me for being sick then leave me to it because she has a phobia about it herself.

The next bit is distressing so maybe I should have it deleted?

That and DD. When she was 7 she went to her brother's b'day party. She ate two boxes of party food, got home, said she had a headache and that the lights hurt then threw up. Midway through the evening she was keeping nothing down so we called out the GP who said she was fine and it was just a bug. DH sent me to bed and stayed with her all night, next morning I got up to take my turn with her. DH had been up in bed about 40 minutes when DD started to seizure. The seizure lasted well over two hours and in the ambulance she started to go blue, they had been trying to insert an airway when she had clamped down on it, pushing her tongue to the back of her throat. I thought she was going to die. To my great shame I asked them to stop the ambulance so I could get out. I still can't forgive myself for that feeling 14 years later. It turned out she didn't have 'just a bug'. she had chicken pox on the brain as a result of the steroids she'd been on. Whenever she feels sick now I panic back to those days.

What made it worse was two years later, when DS turned 7 he did the same thing. Came home with a tummy bug, was sick all night then seizured the next day. His was due to adrenal insufficiency caused by his adrenal glands being 'switched off' by the high levels of asthma meds he was on. He was a on a supposedly 'safe' new wonder inhaler that was meant to be safer than his old brown one. for him it wasn't safe at all. For the next few years every time he was sick we had to be admitted to an isolation ward at our hospital so he could have an IV to keep his cortisol levels stable.

I hope I don't offend anyone with that info. If I do please report me so it can be removed. It has helped to let it out.

Hi, I'd like to join too. I can so identify with everything you all say.
I have always been really scared of being sick but it has gotten worse lately. I have a 3 year old and 1 year old twins, and my 3 year old DD starts pre-school in April and I am terrified! I know she will be catching things all the time, and then pass it to the twins and DH and I. I just feel like I can't relax, even when she is not ill, because I am worried about when she might be.
I have always been worried about being sick and others being sick by doing the ususal things, like not drinking or being round drunks, not eating out etc, but now with the kids I just feel it is out of my hands. And I think I have made it worse for myself by having been at home (working from home now and looking after kids) for practically the last three years.
Have started CBT but only done two sessions- has it helped anyone and in what way? I just wish I could be like others, who obviously don't like sick, but just get on with it and don't worry about it all the time.
Mary, I hope your DH is on the mend now.

Thanks Ilove, and he is a lot better now. Has managed to eat a piece of toast, and drunk water all day, and the nurses have been great at giving advice to keep his levels stable.

Biggest worry now is whether I succumb as well, and all I can do is wait! Really, really hate this bit!

I have had this phobia since I was 7, I think it stems from having aspergers (undiagnosed) and being forced to socialise at school.

I can live with the aspergers, but the emetophobia rules my life

asdevil, i also think i am on the spectrum (AS/ASD), both my dd's are on the spectrum. Many of the therapists i have seen have said 'if i do have AS then it will make the phobia harder to cure due to our different way of thinking and it being harder to remove bad thoughts from our brains'.

I'm getting fed up with having to hear parents in the payground talking about a bug doing the rounds as its making me extra anxious, i'm counting down the days until the end of term when i can be in control of what the dd's touch, where they go and how often they was their hands.

I had to go to pick up the girls medication from the hospital today which i have as i worry about picking up a bug.

A few days ago on the news they were talking about banning hand shakes at the olypic games, they said that anti-bac hand gels don't kill noro virus, they kill everything else which makes it easier for noro to spread (as the gel kills the good bacteria which actually protects us from noro), apparently the best thing to do is to wash your hands as often as possible (after using the toilet, before eating etc..).

Hi Marne, my son is just undergoing assessments for asd - the Paed thinks it's pretty likely. DD has a few traits as well, although probably not enough to be diagnosed.

just praying neither of them end up with his horrible phobia

Bizarrely I am going to the doctor tomorrow to request a referral for Aspergers assessment. Is there a known relationship between these two things?

I would say so fuzzpig, if you have Aspergers or Autism then your brain finds it harder to remove bad thoughts/anxiety and you think more deeply into things, so a person without AS may see some one being sick and think 'thats not very nice' but will soon forget about it, a person with AS is more likely to think 'OMG, what if its a bug, what if i catch it and how will i cope?' and then find it hard to forget (anxiety will build up). I would say my dd is anxious about a lot of things which many people will find silly as she looks further into the 'what might happen'. CBT trys to get you to look at things in a different way (like 'what are the chances of gettig a bug' and looking at similar situation you have been in when the worst has not happened) but the AS brain struggle to put the phobia/main worry to the back of the mind making it hard to train the brai to think differently about a situation. Hope that makes sense .

Oh good! I was hoping there was a thread like this :) Can I join you all, please? I've been emetophobic ever since I can remember, and it hasn't got much better with age though exposure to other people throwing up has vaguely desensitized me and let me know I can cope. I used to think I was scared of everything vomit-related but actually it's just the fear of actually being sick myself. I can deal with most anything (with massive distaste) if there's no chance it will make me be sick.

Last night at midnight DS (3.5) came down with what appears to be a bug and last threw up at 3.30pm today. I am completely petrified of getting it. I have one friend who is emetophobic, but everyone else doesn't understand the 24 hours I have just had as a single mum having to deal with him constantly being sick all night and then again in the kitchen today and partly on me. Arrrgh!

I know you guys will get it. What is this marvellous Motilium you all speak of? If I had known it existed I would have got me some long ago.

I haven't been sick since I was 15 and it was so long before that, years and years. I'm 28 now. The idea of it has taken on epic, terrifying proportions in my head. Whoever here said that the fear is worse than the reality is right; last time I was ill, as it was happening I was thinking, okay this isn't so bad, it's unpleasant but nowhere near as terrifying as I feared. What was all the fuss about? Within hours, the fear was back and I was terrified of repeating the incident. I managed not to be sick again soon after through sheer willpower, I think.

Anyway, I feel slightly better for having written all that out. I didn't get much sleep last night and was so busy today doing laundry and disinfecting. I'm hoping I won't get this as I had very odd guts a few days ago and diarrhea which has since passed. So hopefully I had a mild version before DS did.
Can anyone tell me for future reference how you get Motilium, is is prescription only and how does it work? God if I could have a stock of anti-emetics for me, I could take on the world. I'm so proud of myself how how I handled the last day and being there for DS even though I wanted to run screaming from the building. I pretend I am an actress playing the role of a loving mum (or nurse on a ward with an ill patient) and just ignore my own feelings til later. Then I freak out and get so panicky that I start to feel ill.

I'd love to swap this for a fear of clowns too. Yes please!

Props to you all, this is a difficult time of year to be an emetophobe, and it's just a fucking horrible condition :( I wish I could be different. Or live in a vomit-free world.

Sorry, that was hellish long :)

Hi, really feeling for you to have this horrible problem. I would suggest asking your GP for CBT, its available in many areas of England now and can help a lot; hypnotherapy can also be really helpful. You don't have to just put up with it.

I haven't been sick since I was 16 and I am 40 now. I'm not sure how I've managed that and had three children. I think it is sheer will power. I've retched a few times but generally when I catch a tummy bug it is all the other way, which I can cope with even though it is unpleasant.

I also have a fear of balloons, an odd combination. I hate being 'scared' of things. The anxiety is horrible.

Hephep- hope you ds is feelig better and keepig fingers crossed that you don't get it. It does get a bit easier as they get older, dd1 is 8 and seems to get ill less often and when she does she manages to stay in one place. I wish i could say i hadn't been sick sinse 16, i have picked up bugs from the dd's several times but this was before i had Motilium.

Dh is complaining of stomache ache this morning, i'm hoping its not a bug, i know it sounds mean but i would rather it was his apedix then a bug . I have sent him upstairs for a bath to see iof it helps, i will be trying to avoid him today by going ot .

Thanks people! Becky, I feel the same; that it is sheer willpower that has got me to 28 without throwing up for the last 13 years or so.

DS is very lethargic today and is currently asleep on the sofa, bless him. I feel calmer after a full nights sleep and feel quite well so far, touch wood. I looked up Motilium on the boots website and it seems you can order it online from them without a prescription. I wish I had known it existed! However as it's quite pricey I may well go to the GP and explain my situation and see if they will prescribe it.

I was lying in bed last night remembering how my last three relationships have gone decidedly sour after the other person first caught a tummy bug. It sounds terrible but I can remember a feeling of being unsafe around them after that, and how things were never the same again. Crazy :(

Hope your DH feels better Marne! :)

Was going to say 'you can buy it from boots' but i think its £5+ for 6 tablets ,i have bought them before when i had ran out, so much easier to get them from your gp.

Dh seems ok now, i think he was just a bit constipated (and was making a fuss).

Thanks Marne, I got some from Boots today because I wanted to have some in the house now IYSWIM :) After I bought the Motilium 10 tablets I felt quite weepy - like that was the only think in the world I was scared of, and now that fear has been taken away so I feel amazing.
Lying in bed last night I kept feeling that I was getting ill too, started swallowing saliva a lot and getting cold waves of fear wooshing over me. I realised then that the fear is the worst thing, emetophobia is a hard one to understand because people are all like 'Well no-one LIKES throwing up'. I realized last night that it's not the vomiting per se that's the issue here, just the crippling, overwhelming fear that is hell to live through. The vomit is actually a red herring. It was a good understanding to come to.

I have to go to the GP soonish about something else so I'll mention it then. If anyone else reads this and finds the info helpful though, I paid £4.70 in Boots for 10 tablets.

Very glad your DH is feeling better as well, Marne! That's good news. DS is a lot better today, still hardly eating but much more himself.