postnatal depression/anxiety positive recovery stories please

[mumcity]

hi following the birth of my second child 14 weeks ago I am suffering with post natal depression, but primarily terrible anxiety. I have experienced a number of horrible panic attacks that seemed to come from no where......I tried dealing with it alone but finally relented and have started on fluoxatine (prozac). I have taken five days worth and have not noticed much change. I would love to hear from anyone else who has come out the other side and had positive results from anti-depressants following post natal depression/anxiety. I need reassurance that I will get out of this....

Sorry to hear you feel like this, I have no experience myself but I'm sure you'll hear from people soon who have gone through it and survived. I think my friend is going through something like it at the mo, her baby is 15 months, to be honest I'm not sure how long it lasts on average. Take care.

So sorry to hear you are struggling. I've been taking sertraline for about 4 weeks and I was advised it would take 2-4 weeks to see any change. Hang in there!

I was fortunate that DD2 started sleeping better at the same time and on day 10 I realised I was dancing around with DD1 - I certainly wouldn't have been doing that two weeks earlier.

Our issues sound very different but I was told it takes time to work. Go back after 3-4 weeks if no change they can up doses.

I could have written your post a couple of years ago. Well done for taking the anti-ds - you are going to feel SO much better in the next week or 2 :) I was on it for 6 months, came off and was fine again - it was a really life changing decision to take them.

Hang in there x

DONT PANIC!!! I was right where you are now after the birth of my #2 - my boy. I wont go into the detail of how I came to the point where I needed the drugs - its not relevant and wont help you, so let me tell you about from when I took them:

It will take about 8 weeks for them to fully start working for you, so dont be too disappointed if you are not noticing anything just yet. I would say within about 10 days I was feeling a little better but I dont know if that was because I was finally DOING something about it, or the drugs themselves. I was on Prozac 20mg a day (I think? That sounds about right!) If after a few weeks you are not noticing any change at all you may want to have a word with your doctor about upping your dose slightly, or changing to a different brand, but give it time. 8 weeks really isn`t as long as it seems and it is something to look forward to. By the beginning of April you will pretty much be there!

I was on them for a year and then weaned off. I havent needed them since, but I wouldnt hesitate to go back on them if I needed to and I am more aware now of the signs and symptoms that I need to. My only regret in the first place is that I waited so long suffering in silence (or not! I had terrible mood swings!) just because of some stupid outdated notion that these drugs were for "loopers" and I should resist resist resist. What a load of nonsense! You have a kidney disorder - you take medicine. You have a cold - you take medicine. Why the hell not for depression and anxiety? I now say "All the prettiest Mums are on Prozac!" and called them my "Vitamin P`s"!

I have moments where I go through anxiety and panic, BUT alongside the Prozac treatment I did a LOT of research on how to manage my anxiety, a bit of CBT, and now for the most part I am getting by fine. The hardest part of the whole process was finally relenting and getting myself on to the meds. You have done that, and not waited nearly as long as I did! Well done you! I couldn`t understand why I was so miserable after the birth of #2, when after #1 I was so happy and competent the whole time.

I have 3 kids now, and it has been about 3 years now since I came off the Prozac (I stopped when I decided to have #3. I often joke that had I not BEEN on Prozac I probably wouldn`t have ever even AGREED to try for #3 but there you go!) I have NOT had any recurrence of the PND with #3, and this despite a very traumatic birth (including my obstetrician eventually hitting on me would you believe!!!) and the utter utter chaos of 3 kids under 6 and a very hands off husband.

So in conclusion - in my humble experience and opinion you have done exactly the right thing, you will get better, just be patient and enjoy being Pretty on Prozac! xxx

thank you so much everyone! this is the first time I have posted on mumsnet and am really touched by the support out there, it makes a big difference. thanks particularly to Kirakira23 for your long post and details of your story. I am really happy to hear how well your now doing and that you have a third!! I am day 6 now and decided I need to be patient and positive, that seems to be the key. I will post again soon hopefully with happy news.

im so sorry to hear about your pnd, its such a horrible and debilitating thing to have especially after having just gone through the birth and everything else.

firstly you should be very proud of yourself for coping because it is unbelievably overwhelming when you first have a new baby and so scary, personally for me at night was the worst, i used to dread the evenings, but i do want to say that if you do have pnd it gets so much better with time. you have to not only be kind to yourself but get out as much as you can, and also spend time alone in bed with your new baby, switch the tv on, turn the heating on and just snuggle down and relax. I wishhhhhh i had done this with my 1st instead of being petrified and panicky, because in reality there was nothing to be scared of. its all about helping the bonding process as well as relaxing and knowing that EVERY new mum goes through this, ok we dont all get pnd but it is such a life changing thing that we are all bound to get a bit of depression and blues once in a while.

I remember having severe blues with ds after i had him, i was 19 and was recovering from an awful traumatic birth with an uncaring midwife who hooked me up to a monitor the entire time and left me, only coming back to do agonising internals every few hours. ds was born finally after they cut me, after which i had visits from in laws to contend with and felt like shit the entire time. bf was near impossible and i couldnt eat, i just cried and felt like i had ruined my life.

im 22 now, i just had my 2nd baby a few months ago, and i can happily tell you that pnd is all in the past and i bonded amazingly with my 1st eventually. he is an amazing kid, i love to just sit and chat with him while we have a cup of tea together and i just cant believe how awful i felt when he was born, it doesnt seem like it ever happened now! anyway i wish you all the best and i want you to know that you will be absolutely fine, take each day at a time and remember the mumsnetters are here for you!! xxx

Oh there are armies of us who can relate to this so please know that you are not alone. And that it can and will get better.
I hope fervently that your ad's help you, but don't hesitate to go back to your dr if they don't seem to help. Many ppl find they need their medication tweaked even a few times to get it right.
I went onto ad's and started seeing a counsellor and in general had a lot of support. Worked so so well for me and I would recommend it though I know not everyone has the luxury of access to counselling and/or practical help.
Looking back I realise I tried to cope alone for too long and that's why I got so depressed, and part of my recovery was learning to recognise sooner when I needed help.
How your recovery progresses will depend on your body's response to the meds as well as many other things (good nutrition, exercise, sleep, network of support). Please do whatever you can for yourself and accept any offers of help. Even getting out for a 20min walk or snoozing for an hour can lift the mood so much.
All the best xx

thank you thank you again!! how lovely everyone is and such good advice. I think I would have gone for help even earlier if I had been aware that anxiety and panic attacks were part of PND. I have The whole irony of this situation is that I am actually a trained counsellor! I would have expected to have seen this coming, but I suppose there is no accounting for hormones! I have tried to be as open as possible about what I am going through as I think its so important to destigmatise PND, I think its lovely that everyone on here is doing the same....

I have also had counselling training, but you just sometimes cant see it when it is happening to you - especially when you are the type of person who is normally so "together" - so dont beat yourself up over it. I had no idea I was acting so weird - being angry, anxious, panicky, mood-swingy all the time became "normal" for me and it was only after my best friend gently nudged me towards getting help - and I got it - that I was able to look back and see how totally stuck in the woods unable to see the trees I had become!

It is totally unpredictable, and just because you didnt get it with your first doesnt mean you won`t get it with your second - another mistake I made because I read somewhere it was more likely to happen in first babies.

I am grateful for the whole experience now. I have much greater respect for myself mentally as well as physically, I am more empathetic I feel now, and the sense of achievement when you come out of the fog and move forwards is great!

thank you Kirakira23! you are so right, it really took me by surprise, as I had got nothing more than the baby blues with my first. I do strongly feel that as horrible as this experience is, it is making me particularly determined to look after my mental health more in the future, and for that reason may not have been a bad thing to happen.......even though I still would not wish it on anyone.

Well, given that I am writing to you from my hospital bed where I have been stuck for 5 days with what the docs believe is stress-induced sensoryneural loss (in laymans terms I`ve bloody well gone deaf in one ear!) maybe this is a total case of "do as I say, not as I do!" Ha ha ha!

But you know, life just aint that simple. In addition to the kids I am living in Japan where culturally things are very very different, and thats before I even begin talking about the radiation stresses, frequent quakes (3 yesterday, one today - all small thank God!) BUT - that is a totally separate issue to the PND. I need to learn to manage my stress better. Maybe in the future as I said I would even consider going back to my vitamin P`s (I was just, so, damned HAPPY on them!!!)

I would say to any Mum in my experience to look after yourself physically but absolutely take care of your mental needs too. Don`t underestimate the power that stress can have on your body - because that has been my most recent mistake. Doh! One day I will accept I am not invincible!

I am missing the babes right now, but between you, me and the internet, cant pretend that, even hooked up to the IV, getting to lie in bed all day scoffing Toblerone hasnt been a little something of an unexpected treat!! tee hee hee!

oh so sorry to hear your not well, poor you! I do hope you're on the mend soon. Thank you so much for al your wise words, they definitely are helping to pull me through a bad patch....

I had this after my second child too, but I spent an awful long time in denial. The fact that you're being pro active at 14 weeks is a massive plus. I found anxiety crippling, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. That constant feeling of adrenalin and dread was awful, I had a vague sense that something 'bad' was constantly around the corner, no logic to it whatsoever. I only sought help when ds was about 18 months old and my every day life had become a sequence of ridiculous rituals I'd unconsciously started to try and keep myself 'safe' from this threat. I'm sad for myself and ds that I lost all that time when I should have been enjoying my dc. Medication helped me enormously. I still don't understand how it works, it just does. I was on an old fashioned anti anxiety med, I tried citalopram first but that made me even worse within days and I just couldn't keep taking it. The meds I was on kind of kept the anxiety beneath the surface, I was aware the feelign was there, but it wasn;t overwhelming. But what really helped me was CBT. Do try and get on a waiting list. I'm now 36 weeks with dc3 and while the possibility of a relapse does frighten me, I know that CBT has equipped me with coping mechanisms, but I also know the warning signs in myself that all is not well, and I really hope I'll seek help sooner if I need it this time.

Hi there. I had exactly the same thing when my baby was born 5 months ago. I am completley better now and even happier than before. Like you I didnt understand that the anxiety was PND but thanks to an excellent Dr I was diagnosed very quickly. I was put on sertaline and started to feel better after about 4ish weeks but not 100%. It gets better and better and after about 2/3 months I felt back to normal again. It was the worst thing I had ever experienced but now I can hardly remember what it was like (apart from reading my diary that I wrote at the time). As you say you do come out stronger. I am also more aware of my mental health than I was before. I am actually glad I went through it and am a stronger happier person as a result so although it feels awful right now just focus on the fact that you will feel absolutley fine in just a few weeks. I am now so happy with my baby boy and wake up every day with a spring in my step and a smile on my face. Life is normal again :) xxx

Hi mumcity, welcome to Mumsnet!

As previous posters have mentioned, you are definitely not alone with this. There are thousands of women who have been through the same and come out the other side (including me).

I had severe PND and PTSD after DD's birth. I didn't actually take AD's, but tried several other options to help me "recover"; including councelling, exercise and acupuncture. All of these were very helpful and I still use exercise as a release now if I'm feeling down.

It was a long road and sometimes it felt like I would never get back to normal. DD is now 3 and I'm feeling better than ever. Going through that experience has made me a much stronger person;and although it was extremely hard at the time, its made me feel like I can now handle anything.

Well done for making the first steps and arranging AD's (the only reason I didn't take AD's was because of the PTSD - I felt like I had to deal with my traumatic experiences rather than "cover them up" with medication, IYSWIM). Hopefully you should start to feel the benefits soon. Is there anything else you could do which you think would boost your mood? Exercise, taking time to yourself, meeting friends? If you have support with childcare at home, try to take some time to just take a breather and do something you enjoy.

Please feel reassured that you WILL get better and this doesn't last forever. In the meantime, please keep talking as this is a fantastic source of support!

Good luck, I hope you start to feel better soon x

Thank you all once again, love the last two posts. Good to hear others have experienced and survived the anxiety aspect of PND. I really thought I was going mad at one point, so frightening. I would go in to more detail about my experience but whilst still in it I am not sure it's healthy to dwell on it. Will repost when things have shifted, but huge thanks in the mean time for all your wise words and sharing your experiences.

Loved last three posts I meant to say!

Hi there. I just thought Id let you know that I read my diary for the first time today - I wrote it when I felt just like you do now. It was so strange reading how I felt, the anxiety and the upset. It seems like another world away now and wanted you to know that you will feel the same as I do now in just a few weeks time. If you want to understand more about what I went through then mail me and I will let you know anything you want to know xx

Alicia thanks so much for thinking of me and re posting after reading your diary. Its very reassuring to hear that you are so much better now. I am trying my best to be patient, but finding it hard as just want to be better now. However perhaps a longer recovery will be even sweeter once it happens. I might mail you in a few weeks to hear your story, I am trying not to focus too much on the unpleasant parts of this experience at the moment....... Thank you for your offer. Warm wishes.xx

Hi all, just wanted to say that I have now been on Prozac for one month and am feeling SO much better. I am not quite 100% but am on the mend. Thank you for all your support, you massively helped me out at a really frightening stage in my life......So grateful.......And to anyone that is reading this that is going through something similar, please know that you are not going mad, extreme anxiety IS a symptom of post natal depression and is easily treated. I was reluctant to go on anti-depressants as thought I would feel 'drugged up' and not myself. ThAt has not been the case at all. Prozac has been wonderful, gradually bringing me back to my normal self with no side effects except a slight upset stomach.

Just one final message to say I have now been on Prozac for ten weeks and am 100% better! To anyone reading this that doubts they will ever recover from post natal anxiety. Please don't lose heart, you will get better. ...

I'm so glad you've left updates on this post. It's really helpful to hear you've come through it. I found this post whilst searching for 'fluoxetine' as have been prescribed it yesterday. I have been a little worried about taking it, unsure wether it can truly work. I've not had anxiety as such more feelings of despair and being trapped and then huge amounts of guilt at feeling like this. I have such a wonderful well behaved 9 week old DS who sleeps well and a wonderful supportive DH yet I still want to run out the door and leave them to it. Can pills really change these feelings?? Having read all the posts on here I think I'll give the fluoxetine a go. Surely can't make anything worse!

Mrswaldo hello. Yes, tablets can help. I am on day 7 of sertraline (am breast feeding DD 6 months) and I feel significantly better already. Last week I had a bit of a crisis and literally thought I was going mad with PND and anxiety. I just wanted to shut the door and keep everything out, including DD. I honestly felt so bad I was scared I'd be locked up.

Today my DP is out all day, I'm in sole charge of DD and we've been out twice today.

It will get better - I hope your tablets work for you.

Mrswaldo, please please don't feel guilty about your feelings (which do sound like a form of anxiety to me). My DD who was ten weeks when things came to a head, she was and still is the most placid good natured baby, easy, sweet baby, I believe my terrible feelings of dread and panic had little to do with her and almost entirely to do with a hormonal imbalance brought on post nataly. Like you say, you have nothing to lose by giving meds a shot, be prepared to feel a bit worse in first couple of weeks, this will pass, see if you can get some extra support in this time. Good luck and let us know how you get on, you will be ok.

me too, ads for 18 months, weened off them 5 years ago.
Just needed them to make the sunshine come back.