my psychiatrist has poisoned my baby

[Scheherezade]

My psychiatrist gave me an ultimatum; 1) stop breastfeeding and take lithium as we know it works, 2) continue breastfeeding and take quetiapine as it is safe, 3) be admitted to the mother & baby unit.

So I duly start on the quetiapine, only to discover that it is NOT safe to breastfeed on, that all the drug info on internet says not to bf on it, that it does pass into the infants bloodstream, but that there are no known effects.

I feel cheated and lied to, and so so so angry. But I'm afraid to confront her, in case she tries to admit me.

But there is no evidence of damage caused by this drug, and no evidence of damage to your baby.

This must be very hard for you - maybe if you had stopped bf and taken the lithuim you wouldn't be so anxious! But you took the safe option and as a result you are experiencing anxiety!

Talk this through with your psychiatrist, the wording suggested below is not a confrontation, and you are no different from any woman in wanting assurance that your baby is safe.

Pacificdogwood has said what i wanted too.

You are, of course being careful and you can talk this through with your psychiatrist and or wendy the bfn line pharmascist fro the link above.

Your psychiatrist will have precribed this before for nursing mothers. It is a often used drug for nursing mothers. Hale provides the best info on drugs and breast milk. It rates drugs into five groups, l1-l5 with the l5 being contraindicated and l1safest. Quetiapine is l2 a 'safer' drug. The main difference between l1 and 2 is that there is more data on bf mothers using the drug available for a drug to be categorised as l1, actually not many drugs have lots of studies on bf mothers. L2 drugs have good data and are safe, studied in limited numbers of bf mothers without adverse effect.

The drug transfers into milk at very low levels, usually around .09% maternal dose even at 400mgs. Levels drop quickly too within a few hours of taking the dose.

I hope you get answers that you are happy with from the people you need to speak to, this is a medication routinely prescribed as compatible with bf by people with full access to info about the drug.

Read the LactMed page I linked to above - it won't have done him any damage.

No drug is listed as safe for breastfeeding, but that doesn't mean than some aren't regarded as safe by doctors. Please talk to your psychiatrist so he or she can explain their choices and your other options.

He won't be damaged, and it isn't too late - honestly. Your illness is affecting how you are seeing this, but I guess you know that.

Keep BFing, and don't worry about your diet - although if it will make you feel better and you can manage it then improve it for your own sake and the advice about a supplement is good.

It is very difficult to license drugs for use in pregnancy, BFing and with small children because it isn't possible to do clinical trials. So the fact that it isn't licensed isn't a problem in itself.

Thanks, you're all probably right. I just couldn't live with the guilt that something I had done had damaged him. You're right pacific he's the most beautifully incredible little boy ever, I love him more than anything. That's why I don't believe I have PND as I know mums with pnd struggle to bond with and love their babies.

I will email the BFN.

I may be wrong but I think depression can manifest itself through obsessive thoughts/worries. So you being so very anxious about your baby's health and obsessing about potential dangers could be a sign of PND.

I too loved my daughter more than anything but was still suffering from post natal psychosis and depression. A lack of bonding is not always an indicator.

Here's another thought: what made you look up Quetiapine just now? Did you see or hear something that got you thinking about it? Did something alarm you?

Re Vit D: you can take a supplement yourself which will pass on to your baby via the breastmilk. From 6 months on he can have children's Vit D drops as well.

My impression truly is that the extent of your worry is an expression of you not being well .
Yes, in an ideal world we'd all eat nought but organic produce and not smoke and not drink and exercise regularly and not take any kind of medication when pregnant or BFing. In the Real World however, most of us will do things voluntarily or not, that are less than ideal and we get away with it.

There is nothing to suggest in your posts that you are doing your DS any harm. Please keep talking to your HCP.

Re BFing in principle: it is clearly hugely important to you and is helping you to feel better and that's great. He is benefitting from you BFing him.
He will get older, and start weaning, and grow up and in years to come how and what he was fed exactly as a baby will be of no significance. Please do not give it more weight than it deserves.
And I am saying this as a fervent BFing supporter. Who struggled with BFing, so my 4 DSs were mixfed, FF and BF to various extents. Now that they are all weaned (youngest is 22 months) how stressed I used to get about feeding them is a distant memory.

Don't allow your care and dedication to your DS make you more anxious and worried than you already are.

Oh my, lost of x-posts.

PND like all mental illness is not the same for everyone.
You clearly have bonded beautifully with him, but don't discount the possibility of PND.

lots, not lost

I loved and bonded with my DD but I still had PND and one of the main features of this for me was that I thought she was constantly at risk; from pollution/ kidnap/bacteria/formula milk (even though she wasn't getting enough breast milk I refused to give her formula).

I even refused to let her out of my sight because i was convinced that she would be attacked by squirrels. Yes really!

I believed no one but myself and it was only when my lovely and extremely concerned Mum moved in with us that I started to relax.

Your LO needs you well, that's the best thing you can do for him.

Scheherezade above others have given advice about your medication and I must admit I dont know about that but I can tell you about the vitamin D/ rickets anxiety. You're ok, your body will ensure your baby has what they need. No one in the UK gets enough sunlight generated Vitamin D in winter because of where the UK is. In the past (and lots and lots of folk still do today, including myself) they took Cod Liver Oil capsules. You can get them in Boots but you can also ask your health visitor to give you free vitamin D tablets to get you through winter until the sun is back and from now on you can look forward to each night staying lighter longer, before you know it the warmth and sun will be there for you to walk out and enjoy the parks with your baby together. It will not be long. In the meantime you make each choice you take one day at a time, it can be an uphill struggle sometimes and you can feel quite desperate but just see it as this: you go from one good choice to the next choice each time doing whatever will take you one step closer to being healthy with your baby. It'll be summer and life will become easier both through the cumulative benefit of making individual choices that are in the right direction and because you must hold on to the fact that one day you will wake up and it'll just feel better. I'm thinking of you. You sound to me like a wonderful mother.

Thanks for your replies, I'll get some cod liver oil.

Scheherezade make sure you get one which is suitable for breastfeeding. Vitabiotics do a good one, or you could ask the dr/pharmacy which ones high purity ones are suitable.

"That's why I don't believe I have PND as I know mums with pnd struggle to bond with and love their babies. "

That's not necessarily true. Depression/ anxiety can take all kinds of forms. With Ds I was paranoid that I would poison him by giving him the wrong food at a year old. I loved him deeply and I had terrible anxiety about weaning. The anxiety developed into severe depression.

Generally doctors and pharmacutical companies are over cautious when it comes to medication. Ten years ago I remember buying a packet of Tunes and it said that they were not safe for breastfeeding mothers.

Thanks punch I'll ask the pharmacist today