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Mental health

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Original poster

i just dont want to keep going

34 replies

fostermum · 07/01/2006 09:02

as you mayof read from charlee my daughter we have to come back to the uk,i spent xmas undergoing heart surgery again which has blown my chances of a medical and visa,the kids seem thrilled with the idea but i cant make them see how devistated i am at the idea, i love my family in the uk dont get me wrong,it will be good to see them,but i feel ive lived all my life through and for others this was going to be my time,my chance to live my life how i wanted where i wanted and with a man i love so much who we refound each other after 20 yrs,now its all gone the man wants to stay single after promising the world, my health is shot and i have to go home to no house,job,money,or man.i really cant see what the point of going on is there is nothing for me anywhere that is for me any more

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 07/01/2006 09:23

nothing helpful to say really bumping this up the active conversations though.

lyra41 · 07/01/2006 09:58

fostermum

you're bound to feel low after all that, but hopefully as your health improves, so your mood will too. talk to your doctor about how negative you're feeling, maybe ad's will help you to get over this until your health improves and your energy levels rise.

Original poster

fostermum · 09/01/2006 03:45

well since my last message the man i was ready to give up everything in life for has been openly seeing other women,i cant stop crying,i cant move out of his place till the end of the month when my flight back to the uk is,i feel like the will to live has gone from me i am already on AD so thats no help,i dont eat sleep and all i can do is cry i feel like im going insane

OP posts:

Alipiggie · 09/01/2006 04:08

I'm so sorry that you feel so low. I'm having tough time relationshipwise at the moment, nothing compared to what you're going through. I joined DH in US in October for our new life only to find out he was in love, I say that lightly with a colleague and they'd been having an affair. I'd let him live his life, get his dream job but still not enough. Bottom line two small ds's led to loss of libido for me and tiredness so he went elsewhere. Can you not find a group where you are, sorry only on Mumsnet occasional somewhere where you can go and talk. Can't you get him to pay for you to stop in a hotel. Please please don't let it all get to you. Life is still worth living honestly. Keep talking

Original poster

fostermum · 09/01/2006 04:31

im sorry to hear your going through it too,ive asked this man to bring our tickets forward so thats is much as i can ask realy

OP posts:

Alipiggie · 09/01/2006 04:35

where in the world are you?? Have you got anyone there you can talk to face to face? What is it about me that always gets us so wound up and giving up everything for me. I've decided to give him another chance because my view is why should I go from great life, big house, private nursery for ds1 to single motherhood and not much else back in the UK. But he has to make more of an effort when he returns from his travels.

Jmama · 09/01/2006 07:32

Fostermum, this man has obviously hurt you badly not only has he broken your heart hes humiliated you having oter women ect. Im sure you will feel at least a little better when your once again surrounded by your family back in the uk, until then talk to Charlee i have spoken to her before she seems sensible and as your daughter will listen to you if nothing else.

I think the break down of a relationship is like having a death, you will grieve and then eventually heal and feel better.
But please please try and eat and sleep even if its just a little, you only had surgey a few weeks ago and your undertaking a long flight so you need your strength and rest. were all here if you need to talk. hugs to you

Original poster

fostermum · 09/01/2006 08:11

thank you for that yes i do talk to charlee, although i think at her young age she cant really understand why i love this man even now so much,even i wonder,i had wanted him for so long since we split up in 79 and when we refound eah other it was like thelights coming on in my life that i had waited for so long for, now i feel desolate,i even selfishly wished i hadnt made it through the operation,the idea of years to come on my own id horrific to me as i dont want any other man i never really have

OP posts:

XmasPud · 09/01/2006 08:22

people often ask why they still love someone so much after they have hurt them so badly. I guess love just doesn?t always have an off and on button like a computer - it is a complex emotion. Also, I guess in your position it is not just the man you are grieving for. It is the whole new life, partnership, support of another human being, the adventure and chance of being a "new" you. But, you what? If you give yourself a break, take these few difficult weeks as a way to focus on your health alone, eat better, sleep a bit, cry a lot, you can come home for a breather. Once back in England you have the most wonderful life ahead of you. The problem is it is like looking at a wonderful beach with golden sands and blu sky - you can?t see it if you are two blocks down and stuck indoors. You just need to give yourself time to be able to have the strength and energy to find another dream and path to follow. This new start and man isn?t the only new start out there for you, just like there isn?t only one beach. It is not the end for you. The storyline of your life has just changed and who is to say what wonderful things will lie round the next corner?
Rest, look after yourself and try not to worry about the future. You are capable of achieving all that your dreamt of before, just with a different scenario that?s all.
xx

MrsMiggins · 09/01/2006 08:49

someone said this to me recently and I keep repeating it to myself

'you may have a fresh start anytime you choose, for this thing we call failure is not falling down, its staying down'

Original poster

fostermum · 09/01/2006 08:58

pathetic it as it may seem i dont want to stay down just see no point in getting up

OP posts:

MrsMiggins · 09/01/2006 09:07

from reading this post & previous htreads of urs, you are far from pathetic and I can certainly see why you feel so low

I just meant that like XmasPud said, something equally good can be round the corner

its hard when a dream you had is taken away from you but maybe you can achieve it again

sorry waffling - just wanted to show support

Beetrootfultoyourself · 09/01/2006 09:11

fostermum, you have been trough an awful lot recently ad that will contribute to why you are feeling soo soo down. Give yourself a break. allow yourself time.

Eventually you will fell like getting up.

good luck...Have you ever thought of calling the Samaritans? or emailing them?

Original poster

fostermum · 12/01/2006 08:47

only another week and a half till i leave new zealand i really dont know if i can do it the very thought of saying good bye to the man i love and leaving this place that has always been home in my heart and i cant cope, cant stop crying, feel sick start shaking,where do i find the strengh to go on

OP posts:

lucy5 · 12/01/2006 08:56

Dig deep fostermum, the strength is there you just cant see it at the moment.

BudaBabe · 12/01/2006 08:57

fostermum - I haven't read all of your posts/threads but do know that you have been through a lot.

I know you love this man BUT he is not worth it. you KNOW this. Staying in NZ and trying to hang on to something that is not going anywhere is just going to drag you further down.

Someone said on another thread yesterday that you have to let the bad go to leave space for the good (or something like that!).

Yes - it will be hard leaving.

Yes - it will be hard settling back in UK.

Yes you will fell depressed, grief, anger, guilt, denial.

BUT - it will pass.

Things will get better. Please believe that.

The first thing you should do back in UK is start seeing a counsellor. You have been through a lot and you need to speak to someone. See your GP and get a referral. Please.

Hope you feel better.

Original poster

fostermum · 18/01/2006 08:20

i dont think i can go on i just want to die

OP posts:

mummytosteven · 18/01/2006 09:14

fostermum I just don't know what to say . From previous threads I know you've been through a lot of disappintment and illness lately. Please see your GP or go to A & E to get help through this period, or at the very least phone the Samaritans.

Beetrootfultoyourself · 18/01/2006 09:16

phone the Samaritans

Beetrootfultoyourself · 18/01/2006 09:16

Please they will let you talk and work things out.

mummytosteven · 18/01/2006 17:21

How are things now, Fostermum?

Original poster

fostermum · 18/01/2006 18:31

im on AD allready and thats not helping the samaritains cant giveme anything to want to go on for,i know my kids dont uderstand and feel how selfish i am but i cant help it,i love my kids and grandkids but i cant live for someone else and i dont want to live for me anymore

OP posts:

mummytosteven · 18/01/2006 19:17

ADs can take between 2 and 6 weeks to start working. If you are very unlucky, they can make you feel worse when you start taking them if you really don't suit them. Please go back to the doctor and explain how you are feeling. The feelings of hopelessness are horrible, but are part of the disease.

Original poster

fostermum · 18/01/2006 19:27

My mum as you can tell is having a realdifficult time right now.
We are all finding it difficut because we all wanted to stay and we have all got close to this man but mum is just getting worse. Weather shes starts settling in the uk again i dont know.

I just dont know what to do for her, we have tried everything all she does is snap at people storm out of rooms, cry and tell us all how much she wants to die. we are finding this hardto cope with (not meaning to sound horrible) I think ds has picked up on it as he cans ense shes so bad. It'sthe worst thing to watch her just in her room all day upset shes a state, i contaced samaritans they said just to be there for her and listen to her but she doesnt seem to want me around to try and help, al she says is were kids who cant begin to understand.

Shes been on AD's for years and yet still suffers from depression. We have even said we would help pay for her to come back if she goes home and trys to get a visa but it doesnt help. Im not sure what to do its eating us all up seeing her like she is.

OP posts:

Charlee · 18/01/2006 19:28

Sorry that last post was fromme - i forgot to swap chat names over.

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