i just dont want to keep going

[fostermum]

as you mayof read from charlee my daughter we have to come back to the uk,i spent xmas undergoing heart surgery again which has blown my chances of a medical and visa,the kids seem thrilled with the idea but i cant make them see how devistated i am at the idea, i love my family in the uk dont get me wrong,it will be good to see them,but i feel ive lived all my life through and for others this was going to be my time,my chance to live my life how i wanted where i wanted and with a man i love so much who we refound each other after 20 yrs,now its all gone the man wants to stay single after promising the world, my health is shot and i have to go home to no house,job,money,or man.i really cant see what the point of going on is there is nothing for me anywhere that is for me any more

Charlee - unfortunately there is very little that you can do, other than let her know you are there for her, and encourage her to seek help. If your mum has been depressed for so many years, presumably she has felt similarly before, but has managed to recover, so can do it again.

bumping in case anyone has any better advice for fostermum/charlee

charlee, my dh is seriosuly ill with his heart problems and tbh he cant see past the end of his nose atm. everything is centred round him. it has really got to me today, and tbh most days he wants to die. your mum is v lucky to be alive, and after surviving a risky op its normal top feel like this.,

this man in your mums life, he isnt worth it, and tbh i am for you and her for him to be messing about like this. she doesnt derserve it, you dont deserve and your little ds doesnt deserve it either. i am sure once you are all back in the uk, maybe things will get better. get your mum to the gp, and talk things through.

im sorry misdee you must think of me as an ungrateful bitch,with your DH so ill,the man i love has his own problems,and one day i hope he sorts it all,but the idea of not being with him or not seeing him again is more then i can cope with,i know its a grieving process im going through and every one has to cope with it one day but im just to low to want to go on,or care what happens to me anymore all i can think of is no,t seeing him anymore and id rather not be here then live with out him in my lifebut i do send myprayers for your husband

You are not an ungratful bitch, the point i was trying to make was that to go through a traumatic time and survive makes you go haywire and some people depressed.

you must incredibly confused by things at the moment, i know charlee was v v worried when u were in hospital.

this man needs a kick up the backside imo. you are v lucky to still be here and i hope that once you are back in the uk you can start to move on a bit from him. your family needs you, you need you.

best of luck and hope to see you posting more positivly soon.

misdee xx

fostermum, are you ok?

im hanging on tomorrow will be the hardest day of my life when i get on the plane,if i felt my man could help it or was doing it to be crual it would be easier, but i know hes confused and unsure,but i will keep going,i dont want to given the chioce but i still feel one day we will be together again and holding on to this thought like a drowning woman at the moment its all thats keeping me going

im hanging on tomorrow will be the hardest day of my life when i get on the plane,if i felt my man could help it or was doing it to be crual it would be easier, but i know hes confused and unsure,but i will keep going,i dont want to given the chioce but i still feel one day we will be together again and holding on to this thought like a drowning woman at the moment its all thats keeping me going

just to say im back in the uk going from sofa to sofa at night,still wish i was dead instead,taking AD's but are no help i just cant see what point there is to keep living,my daughter thinks im being too dramatic but i honestly cant see anything worth me living for,i have my kids and grandkids but thats there lives there time,all i can see is a long time alone