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Mental health

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Original poster

DH threatening suicide...

42 replies

TheyCallMeMimi · 19/11/2011 13:59

...if I come home late again. 'late' as in 6pm on Friday. He's angry that I didn't 'have the courtesy' to tell him that I had a meeting at 4pm. He's severely depressed, had a bad day at work and says my 'behaviour ' isn't helping him. Aaaaaargh.

OP posts:

NanaNina · 19/11/2011 17:05

There must be more to this Mimi - it's difficult to respond without knowing more.

Scoundrel · 19/11/2011 17:06

Do you think he's serious or is he simply exercising his control muscle?

Northernlurker · 19/11/2011 17:08

His depression does not justify any unreasonable demands he chooses to make of you. You are NOT responsible for his state of mind. How does he make you feel atm?

thisisyesterday · 19/11/2011 17:11

i am sorry, but being depressed does not make it ok for him to be this controlling. he knows what he is saying, and he knows he is being unreasonable.

if he was that severely depressed then i doubt he'd even be able to cope with going to work all day.

forgive me if i seem a little cynical, but it does present as him using depression as an excuse to be mean and controlling. apologies if i am way off.

is he getting treatment for his depression?

NanaNina · 19/11/2011 17:15

Agree thisisy'day - I have had 2 episodes of severe depression (hospitalised both times) and could not get out of bed, never mind go to work. Suppose it depends what people mean by severe but think the OP needs to give a bit more info if she wants support.

thisisyesterday · 19/11/2011 17:24

i would be tempted to call his bluff by ringing the GP and explaining what your husband is saying, because if he is being honest then he is at very real risk of harming himself and potentially could be sectioned

however, i have yet to meet a depressed person who uses their illness in this way and who threatens to kill themselves if people don't do what they want

madmouse · 19/11/2011 17:27

Must be honest, blunt and possibly wrong, but having lived with my dh's depression for years and having been through the mill with my own illness I'd be tempted to say 'Well then, maybe you should!'. It's blackmail and control right and proper, and really not on.

Original poster

TheyCallMeMimi · 19/11/2011 18:04

'Severe' is how our Gp describes it. Three and a half years and he says he's on the final type of ADs. Counselling weekly and recent a series of sessions with psychotherapist plus now a non-NHS course on Mindfulness have not improved him. This directly blaming me is a new development. I know it's abuse. Where do I turn?

OP posts:

madmouse · 19/11/2011 18:08

Is he under the care of a psychiatrist?

Where do you want to turn? Do you want to leave him, permanently or temporarily?

Original poster

TheyCallMeMimi · 19/11/2011 18:27

Mouse, not sure re psychiatrist. I have his crisis team number, should I call? I really want him away from me, I don't see why I should have to go anywhere, IYKWIM.

OP posts:

Original poster

TheyCallMeMimi · 19/11/2011 18:31

Should have said he has attempted suicide twice, most recently about 1month ago. It resulted in ambulance, police and a&e.

OP posts:

madmouse · 19/11/2011 18:50

If his depression is that severe and the GP says he's on the last of the ADs I would expect him to be under consultant care, ie psychiatrist. But seeing that he has a crisis team he probably is.

You can ring the crisis team, tell them what happened and that you believe the situation is unsustainable and you cannot take responsbility for his safety anymore.

Would he be prepared to go into hospital for a time you think?

If you want to separate and want him to get away from you you may need to go and see a matrimonial solicitor on Monday. Do not let his illness and your fear of what he may do be the only thing that keeps you with him. You cannot take that responsbility.

fedupandtired · 19/11/2011 19:32

He's severely depressed but still able to work? That strikes me as odd. When I've been severely depressed I could barely string a sentence together let alone work.

You're not responsible for how he feels and you're certainly not responsible for his actions. He's being very unfair and blackmailing you to get what he wants. That's not his depression talking, that's him being controlling.

thisisyesterday · 19/11/2011 19:35

i'm sorry to hear he is in a really bad way op :(

i would definitely call his crisis team and see if they can send someone out. you can't live like this, not knowing if you're going to come home to find he has attempted suicide, or worse.
if you think he is in any way serious then please do call them. I wasn't joking before about him being sectioned if you and the crisis team believe he is genuinely at risk of harming himself

EssentialFattyAcid · 19/11/2011 19:36

Do you want to stay in the relationship?

StuckForWords · 19/11/2011 19:39

Do you have children? I can't imagine this is much fun for them either (my father was depressed and did stuff like this) I would defintely second the section option.

Original poster

TheyCallMeMimi · 19/11/2011 21:19

Called crisi team but he refused to speak to them.he left house while they were on the phone so they said I had to call police. Police have searched locally for 2 hours and have now left. If he comes home himself I have to call them. Unfortunately his elderly parents live nearby and the police had to search their house too - now his mother is upset. I can't cope with him any more.

OP posts:

Original poster

TheyCallMeMimi · 19/11/2011 21:22

Stuck - DCn are both away at uni but do know he's depressed. DD called while I was out and he told her he didn't want to speak to her. I think she understands - she is 20.

OP posts:

RandomMess · 19/11/2011 21:27

I wonder if he needs to be sectioned?

StuckForWords · 19/11/2011 21:28

Oh this all sounds awful. I feel for you (my DP has done this and has depression).

You've done everything you can. It's in the hands of the police now. Keep your mobile handy as they will ring you when they find him (they did with mine). Do whatever the hell it takes to keep yourself sane; loud music, shite tele, eat rubbish, post on here, whatever.

You have done all you can.

big hugs or

Original poster

TheyCallMeMimi · 19/11/2011 21:32

You are all wonderful! He's back, angrier than ever because I called police. At the same time FIL arrived telling me MIL is ina terrible state. Waiting now for police to return. Thanks to all for support.

OP posts:

StuckForWords · 19/11/2011 21:35

Good luck pet.

Please try and remember, none of this your fault.

You could not prevent it, you did not cause it.

Don't let him or anybody else pile the guilt on!

RandomMess · 19/11/2011 21:36

Take care of yourself, there is nothing you can really do to make things better for him.

Upwardandonward · 19/11/2011 21:45

Take good care of yourself.

madmouse · 19/11/2011 21:47

Can anyone come to be with you? A friend or relative?

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