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Mental health

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Original poster

DH threatening suicide...

42 replies

TheyCallMeMimi · 19/11/2011 13:59

...if I come home late again. 'late' as in 6pm on Friday. He's angry that I didn't 'have the courtesy' to tell him that I had a meeting at 4pm. He's severely depressed, had a bad day at work and says my 'behaviour ' isn't helping him. Aaaaaargh.

OP posts:

Original poster

TheyCallMeMimi · 19/11/2011 22:33

Police have left. He's a bit calmer at the mo although v annoyed that his parents are now aware as well as at me for calling the police - they had dogs and helicopter too.

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madmouse · 19/11/2011 22:44

Are you personally safe there Mimi?

StuckForWords · 19/11/2011 22:52

Do you think you both could sleep? If so I'd recomend it as you're probably both far too tired and emotional to talk about any of this rationally. I don't normally suggest "sleeping on an argument" but I could never do the analysis immediately after this stuff.

People with depression can get better you know, it might not be like this forever.

Original poster

TheyCallMeMimi · 20/11/2011 00:17

Mouse I feel safer now thanks. He's still angry, at me. He refused to phone his mother to tell her he was back home and says I need to tell them why the police went to their door because 'I have done nothing wrong' . I really regret myself that the police had to visit them - I pleaded with them not to go but they said they had to. So I'm the baddy again.

OP posts:

GRW · 20/11/2011 08:13

You did the right thing to invlove the crisis team and the police, so don't let him blaming you make you feel you've done anything wrong. You and they were only trying to keep him safe. Perhaps it will be a good thing that his parents are aware of how serious things are. It sounds like admssion to hospital may be in his best interest.
I hope you managed to get some sleep.

madmouse · 20/11/2011 09:17

The police take their own operational decisions - nowt to do with you so don't start feeling guilty about them visiting his parents. If anyone is going to feel guilty it should be him for behaving so badly towards you.

Northernlurker · 20/11/2011 10:41

You did the right thing. Are you ok there this morning? Is anybody coming to see him today? I know you want to keep him safe but that may not mean keeping him in the same space as you, especially as his blaming you seems to be escalating.

Original poster

TheyCallMeMimi · 20/11/2011 15:42

Thanks all, I'm ok. He was in and out of the house all night. When he was in he was - literally - hopping mad, punching pillows and banging his head on the headboard etc. This morning he was hurling insults at me including that I'm not properly qualified for my job (oh yes I am). He refused to phone his mother but I went to see them alone. They were very supportive and will come up later. DH is still intent on filing a complaint that they exceeded their powers. Doh.

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Original poster

TheyCallMeMimi · 20/11/2011 15:43

Oops, meaning that the police exceeded their powers.

OP posts:

RandomMess · 20/11/2011 15:46

It sounds horrendous, are your sure you're coping ok?

StuckForWords · 20/11/2011 16:05

Can you get him some medical help soon? It sounds like a lot for you to cope with or even for a lay person at all.

Original poster

TheyCallMeMimi · 20/11/2011 16:17

Stuck, well I don't see how I can force him to seek medical help. He tells me the sessions with the psychotherapist have already finished and that next Thurs is the last ever meeting with the counsellor which also means no more access to the crisis team. Any ideas?

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bruffin · 20/11/2011 16:29

Have you spoken to the counselor or the crisis team. Dh is nowhere near as bad as your DH sounds, although last year came very close. He has just had his last cbt counselling session this week. It has been left so that he won't have any more, but can go back if he needs to. DH is still on ADs but is back to his normal self. He did not have a crisis team because thankfully i never quite got to the stage of asking for extra help.

madmouse · 20/11/2011 17:19

It sounds that he does not at all involve you in his treatment, is that right. I mean dh and I don't tell each other what is said in therapy session but it would not be a surprise to either of us that the other would be finishing treatment.

To an extend you can force him to have treatment by having him sectioned. You would do this by telling his doctors that he is a danger to himself or others. Sounds like he is a danger to himself?

StuckForWords · 20/11/2011 17:55

If he's refusing it's hard. Bloody hard. Took months to get my DP to accept some help and he wasn't as bad as you're DH sounds. If I was you (and I'm not) I'd be considering the section option though.

I'm not trying to tell you what to do - nobody knows your situation better than you.

Potentiall useful link:

webarchive.nationalarchives.gov.uk/+/www.direct.gov.uk/en/DisabledPeople/HealthAndSupport/MentalHealth/DG_10023332

I found the 24hr number for my local mental health crisis team by googling:

[name of town] mental health crisis team.

I hope things get better for you soon.

Original poster

TheyCallMeMimi · 20/11/2011 19:08

Thanks again for the support and links. He's not been ranting for several hours now and is in fact playing the piano. Here's hoping music soothes the savage breast!

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cestlavielife · 20/11/2011 23:54

you did the right thing.

and it might just might have taught
him the consequences of his actions.... dont be afraid to do the same again.

when he is "- literally - hopping mad, punching pillows and banging his head on the headboard etc"

can you leave the house and go elsewhere? is there somewhere you can go?

or just leave house and call police again, or ambulance.

could you video him on your mobile? just for the record... .

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