Finally booked DRs appt....

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....under sufferance i must add. And i can't go into detail - should have name changed - but what i want to know is how honest would you be when you can't be 100% truthful about how bad you feel?

I guess i am most worried about who could access my records in the future and why. (H and i separating)

You need to be honest - just be honest - or there is no point in going. Depression is common and will not be held against you in the family court. Unaddressed MH problems about which you are in denial are a greater risk.

I hear what you're saying but tis HARD!

I'm sure it is - and I remember I think from previous posts that you find it really hard to deal with what is behind all this, and quite understandably so. But don't miss out on life because of a fear that is unlikely to come true.

If you underplay how you feel you might not get the level of help that your condition warrants.
madmouse is right. It is better to get something addressed then to let things go to thier logical conclusion (eg if you are thinking that you might do something that you dont really want to do)

I had to fill in a questionaire (bit like the one you get after having a baby to check for PND) you get scores which indicate how depressed you are. Then after a month (on ADs) I filled it out again and my scores improved. You have to be honest though.

I found the form filling shit, although mine was PTSD so maybe not appropriate!

Honestly the best thing i ever did was admit that everything was not ok, i was not coping and needed help. I was scared, had never suffered from mental health issues befire was afraid of stigma, spending my life on meds etc.

I feel so much better, so glad my GP understood, got me on the right meds and now i am human again, able to feel a full range of appropriate emotions.

Good luck

Oh and another thing, getting help has made me a better parent, better wife, better daughter and a better nurse. Dont think that its something that can be used against you

I've done the form filling thing many times and tried several diff ADs which either had no effect or made me worse. And it's taken me almost a year to admit to myself just how bad things are and make the appt.I'm shit at talking which doesn't help.

Well i won't be a better wife as H is moving soon.

Agree with mosschops everything is better now. I definitely feel like a better, braver parent.

Just to update, I had my appt this morning and been prescribed escitalopram. Starting on v low dose because I developed serotonin syndrome/ poisoning after trying a few diff ADs last year. I'm not starting them for a bit. I need to be able to drink my 30th away and wedding anniversary (H and I separating) GP knows this.

Referred for counselling and poss psychotherapy - but I don't know what the difference is and recommended I go back to ED clinic.

I was as honest as I could be with the questions he asked. I'm not good with volunteering up information anyway.

Thanks for support (and kick up the arse!)

Just to update, I had my appt this morning and been prescribed escitalopram. Starting on v low dose because I developed serotonin syndrome/ poisoning after trying a few diff ADs last year. I'm not starting them for a bit. I need to be able to drink my 30th away and wedding anniversary (H and I separating) GP knows this.

Referred for counselling and poss psychotherapy - but I don't know what the difference is and recommended I go back to ED clinic.

I was as honest as I could be with the questions he asked. I'm not good with volunteering up information anyway.

Thanks for support (and kick up the arse!)

I'm on Citalopram Paper. About 4 months now-it's made a big difference. Hope it does for you.

I have been on citalopram and only ever got the side effects. ALso been on Sertraline, Mirtazapine and Venlafaxine. It's tricky with me cos i ALWAY get the side effects and have eating issues which get worse on ADs.

The first few weeks were vile TBH. I very nearly gave up but was told to stick at it and I'm glad I did. It was so hard though. I had no appetite for a month but now I'm the other way and permanently hungry.

Good luck and have a good birthday.

not my b'day till 30th but ty x

Have you tried any of the old fashioned tryclics Paperview. I am on one of them (imipramine) and they have certainly made things better for me. It sounds like the big thing at the moment is you and your H separating. There isn't any difference between counselling and psychotherapy really, though I think it is to do with the specific quaification that someone has.

Hope you can find the emotional strength to get you through your birthday and beyond. Depression is a totally awful illness and not understood by people who haven't experienced it.

There is a difference between counselling and psychotherapy. Psychotherapy looks at how you have developed from early childhood onwards and explains any difficulties you face out of that and helps you work through them to help you cope better with life.

Counselling starts from your current difficulties, helps you think and work through them and put them behind you. Links with the past are more incidental.

ie I had psychotherapy and it dealt a lot with the attachment problems I had as a toddler and how that placed me at higher risk of the abuse and other events that followed. After that I had specialist abuse counselling where we looked at what happened during the abuse and how it made me feel.

there are so mant types a.d and we all respond to them differently so its a case of pot luck til you find the right one then it gets easier.i too take citalopram and whilst initial heavy going it allows me to function and thats all i ask for right now.hang in there

I don't want to confuse the issue for the poster, but I disagree with you madmouse - very much depends on the counsellor or psychotherapist's training and on their particular orientation. Sorry to sound nit picking but you say that "psycotherapy looks at how you have developed from early childhood onwards and explains" any difficulties you face out of that " etc. Psycotherapists of the psycho-dynamic orientation make interepretation from what you are saying and the word that you are using, and yes, they oare of the view that our difficulties as adults are often echos of what happened to us in childhood. Sometimes the interpretations don't fit and so there is no explanation* to be had.

I have spent 18 months in the past seeing a psychological counsellor who used exactly the same method, as her orientation was psycho-dynamic therapy (and there are several differing kinds of these) She also focussed very much on attachment issues arising from our earliest days, but she didn;t have the qualification to call herself a psychotherapist, although she did have a doctorate.

When you say "counselling starts from current issues etc" I wonder if you are thinking of CBT - I am concerned about your wording "helps you think through them and put them behind you." Any decent psychotherapist/psychologist counsellor will know that it is unrealistic that we "put things behind us" - this is unrealistic. I think the most we can hope for is for difficult things in our past to be made more manageable and less painful.

I do of course know your back story Madmouse and know that you have been helped by particular methods of counselling/psycotherapy.

I am seeing an NHS psychological counsellor and we are very much focussing on the way in which our behaviour and way of functioning is related to our childhood issues. We discussed differing theories this morning and she talked of using "person centred" theory and transactional analysis. It isn't as black and white as you paint it.

I am firmly of the view that the most important thing is that we feel comfortable and safe with the therapist/counsellor, many of whom don't rely on one theory but can "dip into" different theories dependent upon the needs of the client.

Separating is just what's going on at the moment. When I was last on ADs I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder. Its something I have lived with since I was about 14 and had a few suicide attempts in between - one recently. H and I separating is something I want but has brought extra stress and lowness.

No NanaNina I am not referring to CBT and I stand by what I said.

And my abuse history is now much more than manageable - therapy has meant it is now in the past rather than the present - therefore I have literally put it behind me. Sometimes it is possible to read too much into words.

xx

ok Madmouse let's agree to differ, because I stand by what I said. I am glad that you feel your abuse history is in the past, and hope it stays there, though these things have a nasty habit of hitting us on the back of the neck while we're not looking. Anyway none of this is helping the OP so will bow out.

Its ok, its interesting to read different points of view. I guess if I go down that route then I'll find out myself.