I want to give up

[TheOriginalFAB]

Please can someone give me some head space .

G - the head of governors has been given our letter today. We have no idea if or when we will hear from her.

Of course it is ok to go to your GP - IT IS WHAT THEY ARE THERE FOR!!

Sorry not getting angry - just stressing a GP's job is to look after us and care!

If none of the teachers are being helpful at school, is there a govenor who might be able to help?

HUUUUG and totally just in case, here is the number for the Samaritans.

08457 90 90 90

Definitely go back to your GP, and be honest about your feelings of panic and anxiety, suicidal thoughts, and that you're going through a lot of stress at the moment.

Just to say, you sound amazing to be coping with so much. Your children and your cat are very lucky to have someone in their corner like you.

Thank but I don't feel I have done enough.

I am the reason they don't have friends round and why they are picked on. They would be better off with someone else looking after them.

You poor lady. I truly hope you feel better soon. I suffer with depression and it taints life, it really does.

Why do you think they are picked on because of you? - you have done nothing wrong to bring this onto your children. You love and care for them. They need you.

I am seen as weird.

Feeling guilty and worthless is part of depression, and when you reality test those thoughts I'm sure they're not true. You are their Mum and no one else can replace you, so you need to get better for all of you.
I'm sorry this is so hard for you, and please believe that you can get better.

Oh poor love. It's such a horribly common feeling in depression, whatever the cause, that everyone would somehow be better off without you.

But they wouldn't. You're the DC's mum. They only get one, and they need her whether she's well or ill, or exhausted and feeling a bit broken right now.

I wish I could make this time easier for you, and give you special Buffy-strength to carry you through it. But however hard it is, and however exhausted you are, and even if some days you just need to curl up, your DC will still need you ? just to be there ? the next day. And in a year's time. And in 10 years' time. When all this shit will be long, long over.

'Tis just possible.

There's FabCat too. Also cool.

FABCat is a sweetie .

I have got abad headache and feel wretched.

Aw, is the headache not responding to Strong Drugs? That's really the last straw, isn't it, when you feel physically so grim.

By the way, hope you had some help from the GP about general health probs ? of are you still waiting for this and that test?

It's one thing after another at the moment, isn't it?

I had some results today. I don't have sleep apnea (yay!) but I do need more tests as something is wrong.

I feel too sick to take any meds at the moment. I think I am going to go to bed in a minute.

Hope you manage to curl up and drop off. And really hope they manage to get a grip on what's wrong and can do something to help.

Fab, I think that I am bit like you, especially in regards to feeling like the DCs are missing out because I'm not pally with the other school mums. I also feel like they must think I'm weird because I don't really talk to many of them and they don't talk to me. I also suffer greatly from anxiety (traumatic childhood then the loss of my 2nd child) which in turn has manifested into depression and has swallowed up around 10 years of my life. I won't take meds as I am terrified of the side effects.

I have felt increasingly suicidal lately because I am really trying to get rid of this once and for all (fighting through the eye of the storm) and don't seem to be getting anywhere. I have great stresses financially which would be hard to deal with if I was'nt already a stresshead! I can't imagine having to go through more years of feeling like this, the thought terrifies me. I won't kill myself though because it would irrrepairably fuck up my DCs life just as my own childhood was fucked up. I also KNOW that someday, somehow, I will get myself out of this living hell, I will be glad of this experience and will use it to help others, especially my DCs if they experience any of this crap, unlike my mother who never tried to help me.

Keep trudging through it, one day at a time. We'll get there!

Prt of me hates the fact that I am not more like my mother who abandoned me without a second thought. I could take my own life then.

FABCat jst fell

I am off to bed before I bring you all down.

Thanks for all your kindness.

Goodnight, I hope you can sleep, and I'm sure everyone on this thread will be thinking of you tomorrow. Come back and let us know how you are.
Feeling, you are dealing with a lot as well, and you sound very resilient.

Do you mind if I'm glad you're not like your mother?

you're not like your mother, not at all, you are tired, depressed and unwell and worrying about your lovely cat. plus the bullying issues etc etc. if you were in a good frame of mind, the bullying itself might have been enough to pull you down on its own, but you had no reserves left to cope

see your gp, get the help, go every week if you have to x

Thank you all. Seeing your new messages feel like a hug this morning .

DH and I went to bed early and it felt like I took ages to go to sleep but this morning I had slept right through until 6.22 which was better than yesterday. No idea why I dreamt I was with my ex, looking after his new baby while his wife had no idea who I was. Probably because he is who I want when I am struggling.

I really don't want to take the children to school today. I am not even showered and dressed yet and am in denial that I do have to get up and take them. I am scared of seeing the head and getting a letter off her. DH said there won't be a letter and to remember that she walked off when I was talking to her.

DS1 is coming home today .

I have to go into town today to get my glasses fixed but I know I need to ring the GP. I just can't face telling the receptionist why I need an appointment.

Thanks again. You are all so so lovely.