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Original poster

i messed up

55 replies

JAPE2K · 19/12/2005 15:52

i really messed things up @ home by gambling on fruit machines and i have lied about where my money was going my girlfriend has had to put up with hell of a lot from me which i think is very good of her as some of you may know when you stop playing the bloodyn things you need to sort yourself out before any1 else which i feel very depressed and angry with myself for haveing to put her through it but its done and i cant change what i have done if i could i would i need to get myself sorted and get xmas over with then we can start to try and make it work which would be the best thing ever to happen to me i have said she can have all my bank statements and wage slips but but she wants me to get a mini statement also but it isnt going to help me get back on track again with her keep getting on to me i know she has every right to but i need to sort things out in my head before anything please let me know what you think...

OP posts:
Original poster
JAPE2K · 19/12/2005 16:51

she leaves her name and password on for 1 month and says i can look if i want to. but as you said its invading her space thats hers and this is mine.

OP posts:
tamba · 19/12/2005 16:51

I know people will disagree with me thats why i wrote IMO

Original poster
JAPE2K · 19/12/2005 16:52

what does imo stand for?

OP posts:
vitomum · 19/12/2005 16:53

sparklymieow - but why from MN? it is hardly the most obvious place for a man with gambling problems to come for support. i distrust his motives. i agree with tamba that this is not appropriate.

SackAche · 19/12/2005 16:53

I specifically remember her DP posting that she had said that sh her DP could see her posts Tamba!!!

So thats what he's doing.... her DP wanted him to do this.

SO LAY OFF HIM FOLKS!

Original poster
JAPE2K · 19/12/2005 16:54

i have come on her coz you are all parents and family members where better to get help and advice...

OP posts:
Chloe55 · 19/12/2005 16:55

IMO - in my opinion

SackAche · 19/12/2005 16:58

So what do you want to ask then?

munz · 19/12/2005 16:58

yes i'm with SA.

my DH posts here as well - actually it helps us cos if I can't talk to him I talk here he reads it hten answers/we email and discuss things. might work for these guys to.

Jape - followed for DP's thread. it's a brave step for u to admit u have an addiction, but also your DP will need to protect herself/children to make sure they're provided for - perhaps in the short term it may help for her to move out so you can both 'date' and discuss things etc again. I realise it's probably not what u want to happen but sometime's it's best to stop/ go back a few places before carrying on iycwim?

Chloe55 · 19/12/2005 16:59

I do think you should probably seek some professional help from somewhere but at least you admit that what you are doing is wrong and you are wanting to make amends with your dp and sort your head/life out. I can understand your DP wanting to keep a complete check on your finances with bank statements etc etc but then again you are not a child so you really need to find out how you can control your addiction. I have no experience in this area but I think the link that was posted with ref to Gamblers Anon will be your best bet.

I can't see why you can't post on here for a bit of support aswell though

WigWamBam · 19/12/2005 16:59

Have you thought about Gamblers Anonymous ? They can help you to sort your head out, if you are really ready to do it.

LadySherlockofLGJ · 19/12/2005 17:00

If I am incorrect, well then I apologise.

But Christmas Holidays = bored teenagers = trolls IMO

SackAche · 19/12/2005 17:01

LGJ - Well its not a troll... and I'm sure the MNer herself will verify it for us.....

Have you read the threads from his DP?

Original poster
JAPE2K · 19/12/2005 17:04

as i have said i have already stoped playing them. so just need to get everything back on track like it should have been in the first place. tamba i really dont care if dp see's this post it would probally help because i am useless at saying in words i just get anoyed and clam up.

OP posts:
TheVillageIdiot · 19/12/2005 17:06

I'm with you SackAche but missed the tail end of the thread and didn't know whether things had changed.

Would be very cruel if it was a hoax and would have to be from a regular - which is why i originally said that I hoped this was really him.

Def. think Jape2k should speak to GA but also that if he wants to post and she's cool with it then there's no problem. I know I'm like Munz and have posted then shown dp to help discussion/remove emotion/get perspective etc

tamba · 19/12/2005 17:07

I still think it is wrong but... I have given my opinion and am stepping away from the thread (although will probably still lurk )

Good Luck with getting this sorted. I wish you all the best for the future.

Original poster
JAPE2K · 19/12/2005 17:29

i have posted on here because a problem shared and all that............

it has helped me by just talking about it with people i dont know.

some who are 1 sided and some who are open minded.
for which i thank those who havent slated me for being on here.

OP posts:
munz · 19/12/2005 19:13

yes jape I do recommend that perhaps taking about ur feelings here and then showing the thread to your DP. i'm not wanting to take her side/ur side. you have admitted a problem - which is the first big step. but understand you DP needs to feel she can trust you etc. perhaps if you get everything out here and we talk/advise you she can read and u guys can talk in private?

(obviously thou we would also support her - please understand that some ppl would obviously take sides but don't let thatbput u off talking away )

fwiw I do think GA would help you. let your DP see the bills etc perhaps even give her control over your money and have (dear I say it) a pocket money allowance. but I think until your DP feels she can trust you with money etc she won't feel comfortable stopping in the hosue incase you should go back to gambaling again.

good luck.

colditz · 19/12/2005 21:01

Just got home from work.

this thread isn't a hoax, I recognise his user name, he has been on here. Logging off now to talk.

I don't mind where he posts or what he reads to be honest, because I only tell the truth.

JESSnutsRoastinOnAnOpenFire · 19/12/2005 22:19

((((hugs)))) to both of you. (sorry if cyber hugs offend but don't yet know of a better way of offering them when I feel someone might need them )

Hope you can sort things out Colditz. It's fab that your DP cares enough to seek advice. And if he did it 'just' for you to see than that's good too.. because it shows he cares about what you think.

SJ x

SackAche · 20/12/2005 13:38

Colditz - Thanks for coming here and clearing that up. I'd much rather give posters the benefit of the doubt!!!

And if MN helps him it'll help you all!

Good luck.... I hope he posts again.

EasyOnTheSherryPlease · 20/12/2005 13:56

Look Jape, don't worry about proving yourself on here, forget those who say you shouldn't be here.

Okay, so you need help? But yours isn't a parenting problem. So follow the link further down to the Gamblers anonymous site, they are the ones who are qualified to help you.

Resolve to change. Then let the appropriate organisation help you.

Good luck

munz · 20/12/2005 13:58

easy - not all of the problems on here are parenting ones.

I still stand with as long as cold doesn't mind us advising him and he does us her and it helps them both to talk it thru there's no harm.

(of course thou GA would be much better at 'proper professional' advice than we are, but we do have sympathetic ears.)

EasyOnTheSherryPlease · 20/12/2005 14:05

munz, didn't mean they were, just that Jape wants help with this specific problem. He asked what is best to do, GA is best for this situation.
I'm not sending him away, just pointing him in the right direction.

WhenAChildIsBored · 20/12/2005 14:05

As far as I can see:

  1. Lots of people post on here about things as diverse as last night's telly and how much they spend on Xmas presents,

2)Men don't appear to be banned from posting

3)This man's DP doesn't mind him seeking advice

So although Gamblers Anonymous is a good idea I don't see why he can't seek opinions and a bit of solace here, as so many people do, about a problem which may not be directly linked to parenting but certainly impacts his family.