I hate my unborn baby

[Empjusa]

And I can't talk about it because obviously that makes me a cold hearted bitch and ungrateful too.

I don't know what's worse about all this. The fact that we were TTC for two years before, or that I'm only ten weeks in.

Don't know how I'm going to core with nine months.

I just want my body back already. I'm fed up with being sick, nauseous and tired all the time. I cant do anything about it, and I have the lack of control I have.

I'm also without antidepressants and painkillers. So struggling with preexisting issues. And this pregnancy just adds more on top.

I can't talk to anyone about how I feel, and if I dare mention that I'm hating pregnancy then I just get told that
a) it'll pass
b) there'll be a wonderful baby at the end
c) that I need to cheer up

Unsuprisingly none of there things help.

I feel like a freak :(

I wont be able to check this too often as DH would go mad if he knew I felt this way. He's so excited and spends so much time going on about how great a baby will be. He thinks I'm being moody when I should be happy.

The sickness should pass, it usually does start to get better from now-ish (just want to offer a glimmer of hope thats all)

Talk to your GP, there are anti depressants you can have in pregnancy. Hug

agree see your GP, and what I am going to suggest I hope you don't think is me trivialising what you're going through, it is a small suggestion of something to do AS WELL AS other help:

would you consider finding out the sex privately as soon as you can? when I did this it allowed me to hate the pregnancy and love my son because they became more separate and he had his own identity separate to me being pregnant IYSWIM

xx

and it is okay to HATE being pregnant, really hate hate hate it! It doesn't make you ungreatful for the fact that you GOT pregnant and that you will later have a baby. Anyone who doesn't see that has their own issues x

There are tablets your dr can prescribe to help with the sickness, cyclizine, which are perfectly safe to take while you are pregnant, they made a huge difference to me; I went from throwing up literally 20 times a day to only once or twice.

I have no experience of depression so don't want to give you bad advice, but it took 4 years of ttc for me to conceive, and I hated being pregnant (I cried pretty much daily), please don't feel guilty about that. I did find it helped once I knew the sex, it was as if I could keep saying to myself "it'll be worth it, I'm doing it for (insert DS's name).

Hope you get the help you need. Sending unMumsnetty hugs x

No no no.

Go to the doctors.

I think you have prenatal depression. You are not a cold heartedbitch at all. In 3 weeks you will be past the first trimester and can have your antidepressants back, and paracetamol is always safe to take anyway.

I felt like this throughout my pregnancy with DS2. You're not weird.

You can also ring your MW and ask if there is a specialist mental health MW to whom you can be referred. My experience is that they take ante-natal depression very seriously, but you need to get the ball rolling yourself unfortunately, and I know that can be hard.

I also want to reassure you that I know two women who felt like this during their pg and went on to love their child and indeed have more children willingly. It feels like it is forever at the time, but it will pass. But it is good to seek help, whether ads or talking therapy, right now.

10 weeks in is an absolutely foul point in a pregnancy. With any luck your physical symptoms will ease a bit over the next month. At 10 weeks I was lying in a hospital bed weeping. A few weeks later and I'm zooming round the supermarket (grumpily) and pottering about my life (grumpily). It's an improvement.

I don't have personal experience of depression, so I can't imagine how much harder that must make everything for you. As others have said please do go to your GP and get some help. But I do just want to add that I am on my third pregnancy and for the third time have absolutely NO BOND WHATSOEVER with my unborn baby. To be frank it is just a parasitic little pain in the arse that is getting in the way of everything.

Pregnancy one I felt this way and didn't dare whisper it to a soul because I was obviously a monster.

Pregnancy two I felt this way and regularly broke down in a snotty heap because I was obviously much MORE of a monster to hate child #2 when I loved child #1 so very very much. Also I used to lie awake at night formulating elaborate adoption plans so I wouldn't blight the unborn baby's life by hating it so much compared to first born who was the centre of my life.

Pregnancy three (now) I am pretty much ignoring the baby. I don't feel anything for it other than a sense of duty not to drink to excess or go on the big rides at Alton Towers.

I am very much unbothered by this because obviously I am simply not of a mindset to bond with my unborn child. I am still a good and loving mum once they are born. From the second they popped into the world I loved them fiercely, furiously, totally, and I am a perfectly good enough mum in every practical sense.

So, my rather rambly point is, allow yourself to not fall in love with the unborn baby. Don't be hard on yourself. Why should you love it? It has done nothing for you other than make you feel foul and frightened. But equally open your heart to the possibility that all that will change entirely once it is born. And maybe not even straight away (my friend doesn't love hers until about 2 weeks in - she's okay with that now) but it is very, very likely that you WILL love your baby and be a great mum regardless of how you feel right now.

Be kind to yourself, and see your GP.

Ask to see your perinatal mental health team. Also you CAN take ADs when pregnant. I took amitriptilyne as I normally take an old style tricyclic which wasn't suitable.
Book an emergency appt today with your go, and tell them exactly what you have here.
It will be ok, you'll love your baby in the end, but you like myself and others just need a bit more support.

I hated being pregnant, the first time, it was unplanned I was young and still living at my mum's while my DP was 100 miles away and we were trying to get somewhere to live with no money - so I assumed all that had something to do with it.

Turns out, not so much, being pregnant's horrible.

The second time it was planned, we'd bought a house in the meantime, everything was so much better except for the fact that being pregnant is just not nice, lol.

You're tired and feel sick, your breasts hurt, you get other random aches and pains, then you can't bend properly and your stomach moves by itself - when else does your body move without you doing it? It's awful.

I've never understood people who enjoy being pregnant.

As soon as I'd had them - they were these amazing tiny people, but being pregnant? Meh

I loathed every minute of my three pregnancies. In my first I became quite obsessed wi how much easier it would be to lay an egg. In my last I remember my mother saying 'goodness you really don't do pregnancy very well do you'. I also remember a friend visiting me less than 24 hours after a c-section - I was hooked up to iv drips, still in a hospital gown and she said 'wow you look so much better than you did last week.

So personally I think it's fine to hate being pregnant. If it's making you feel lost or overwhelmed or concerned about the baby arriving then head to your gp. But don't feel bad about hating pregnancy. I remember a friend ringing me after giving birth and I asked how she felt and she said 'happy I'm not bloody pregnant anymore' I think it's quite common.

EMP hugs.

I too lathed being pregnant even though I have 4. If the sickness gets too draining see your GP, there are things they can do to help but blimey you often have to fight for the,. Look up hyperemesis gravidarum if this is tou. Simple rpescriptions of atravel sickness pill for me were the difference between being able to have a family and not.

Tem weeks in is a low point too- emtions and hormones and sickness running high but also so is adjustment shock and the stress.

Be kind to yourself. take it a day at a time and keep reminding yourslef that pregnancy is not and never can become a permanent state. It is finite. Your baby will arrive and you will get to know it as an indiovidual rather than some parasite. Your DH will be able to share the work.

Go to your GP, as the others have said, the first trimester can be grim. I was nauseas the whole day. And that was without the other issues that you have.

It is ok to feel like this, lots of women do. Honest. Just no one talks about it.

What is your GP like? Or do you have a MH nurse who you can talk to?

I think you're rather brave actually. I have learned that a lot of people would rather have glass poked up their nails than confess that pregnancy is, for them, utterly unpleasant. Consider it as a temporary (although it obv. won't feel like it) state that you can dislike, with no bearing on how you'll feel about the actual baby when he/she finally arrives. Good luck.

You also mentioned pain.

I was depressed through all 3 pregnancies (took sertraline) and in significant pain for part of no2 and all of no3 due to a kidney problem.

I didn't want to take painkillers but a lovely anaethetist who specialised in pain control told me the stress hormones caused by pain actually do so much to restrict the growth of the baby that they are more damaging than most pain meds (you can't take anti-inflammatories, which was tough for me). I spent a chunk of my final pregnancy on morphine and dd2 was born perfectly fine!

i didn't bondwith her for a couple of weeks however.

Hi, just to say I have been going through what you are now for the past couple of months but feeling slightly better now.

The reason I am feeling better is because my Dr finally started taking me seriously and prescribed Tramadol for pain and Stemetil for sickness.

There are meds you can take, I know Diazepam and Amitriptyline can be given in pregnancy too. You might have to wait until past 13 weeks and I know right now that feels like a lifetime but it will come. :) rich coming from me but true

Thank you everyone. I'm seeing the doctor today to beg for medication. I'm on anti-sickness pills, but while they stop the vomiting, they do nothing for the nausea and I have barely eaten in over a month.
So hopefully I'll be given something for the nausea and the depression.

When I found out I was pregnant I went cold turkey off my Escitalopram, and off a huge variety of painkillers.

It's good to know I'm not a freak. I just wish I could talk to my family about it :(

Just wanted to give you a hug friendly punch on the arm and say don't be afraid to ask for help and give yourself a break. My first pregnancy was pretty easy, I didn't enjoy it particularly but felt physically well most of the way through. I'm now pregnant again and frankly if it had been like this the first time I might not have gone through with it again.

If it helps, just think of it as "I hate being pregnant" rather than "I hate my unborn child". It's way more acceptable to hate being pregnant. And in just over six months it will be over! You will start feeling physically better soon, and hopefully that will give you the space to start feeling better mentally as well. As I say, don't be afraid to ask for help. You're not a freak, you're not alone, not everyone spends their nine months wafting around like a blessed out fertility goddess. The fact that you have withdrawal and pre-existing MH issues to deal with makes it harder but you can do it. Being brave and asking for help are not incompatible!

Empjusa, there are ADs you can take in PG and if you are struggling, ask your doc to refer you to the psych team. FWIW, it is a foul point in PG and it will get better, but you do sound like you need some emotional support.

You're not remotely a freak. I'm less than three weeks ahead of you in my first pregnancy, and have felt on the negative side of the ambivalent about the baby at times, because of nausea, fear of birth and motherhood, and a feeling of lack of control. The 12-week scan for me (last week) was a turning point. I'm not one to go gaga over little feet etc, but just seeing my baby doing its own thing, backflipping around inside me, made me realise this baby, despite being completely dependent on me, is also its own independent being, not a symptom of my own malaise. I'm now much better about being able to distinguish between my baby, and my pregnancy symptoms.

Do act on the good advice others have given you, and don't feel like a freak - you aren't.

Empjusa if you came cold turkey off all that it's no wonder you are feeling like this, quite apart from any other factors. Well done writing it down and no you are not a freak. Take all the help you can get and I hope your sickness will clear when it ought to by law ie soon.

Another one here who struggled hugely with pregnancy and yes it felt like a massive taboo. I have all kinds of theories about how we as a society have taken the fairly tough going physical experience of growing another person inside you and attached an incredible amount of emotional myths to it- every which one i had totally bought into and therefore it came as a huge shock not to be feeling totally smug and happy. I very much struggled with the out of control aspect of it too. And I think if you have had any doubts about your ability to conceive this again puts a massive pressure on you to appreciate the pregnancy even when it isnt actually that pleasant- I wanted a baby for years and it was a massive slap in the face to hate the pregnancy after looking forward to it so much for so long.

Think the advice to tell yourself you hate pregnancy rather than your unborn child is spot on. You haven't met your child yet. I convinced myself I would not bond with my child because the pregnancy for so awful and I bought into the whole I should be bonding with the bump thing (I didn't at all and it turns out you really dont have to) but he is here now and I don't relate him as a person to that experience at all if that makes sense- the pregnancy stuff was about me not him.

Also just wanted to say this thread is totally inspirational for someone like me who fears a second pregnancy due to the my past experience. So many women who had miserable experiences but went on to do it again is exactly what I need to hear about right now. Thank you ladies.

Take care OP, the ladies on here will keep you right.

I am not surprised you are feeling that way when you've had to stop taking the medication! And let's be honest pregnancy is vile for the most part. The only thing that made it OK is the expectation and if you can't feel any excitement about that it must be unrelievely awful.

All I can say is that you are on the very first steps of a long relationship with your child. There are gonig to be bits that are pretty hard but most of it will be pretty amazing - I have 3 people in my life that I love unreservedly and who love me way more than I deserve. I have introduced them to new things and they have done the same to me. Children enrich your life. Your child will do the same. Hold on to that thought because the shit will be worth it.

I am not a fan of being pregnant, amazing though it is, it's shit at the time. I don't intend to do it a third time, and I think I got a fairly easy ride with both of mine. Took me a fair while to fall for my boy after he was born, but I did, and chose to go through pregnancy again to give him a sibling. (She's really cute and doesn't scream as much as 1st one did!) Lots of good advice given on hear. Wish you all the best. Blokes have it so easy! You'll get through it. It's women whose kids are in their 20s who say 'I loved being pregnant.' they've basically forgotten how vile it can be.

please talk to your GP, its fine to feel this way, maybe people in your intimate circle wont understand but your partner and GP can support you through this

And as everyone says there are things you can take pregnant.

The thought of being pregnant is much nicer than the reality.