I would love a place where I can just say what is in my head and not have to explain, justify or think about it.

[TheOriginalFAB]

This is a good place - go for it.

Thanks .

I feel my life is just going on by and I am waiting for my real life to start. I thought about suicide yesterday. This morning I couldn't speak as I couldn't work out how to speak. I had to write down what I needed to tell DH. When I went out in the car I wondered about crashing the car.

I am depressed which is being treated with meds. I keep having the same arguments with myself. I am struggling with the kids. I am not well but don't know what is wrong with me.

oh FAB its good to talk about it on here

google the mood gym, that's interesting.

how long have you been trying the meds, do they need tweaking.

have you got a close friend/ family bod who you can confide in.

try not to worry - it is an illness, it will get more bearable and may even go.

you say you feel life is passing you by, what would you like to change?

there's loads of negative crap in my head, sometimes I catch myself singing la la la la to drown it out.

I feel out of control. I am not good at accepting what is real and is here and now. I keep thinking I can change things.
It is dc's birthday tomorrow and they have been so rude to me today and awful to their siblings I can't be excited .

Oh Fab... I'm so sorry - I hope tomorrow's OK - it's another day right? You can change things a bit at a time - even tiny things can make a difference. Can you go back to your GP and explain how you're feeling - maybe the meds aren't the right ones? Thinking of you x

Don't know if it will work for you, but when I have the awful internal downer thoughts I talk to myself out loud - I seem to have more positive things to say then :)

Helps even more if I do it while going for a walk, but appreciate this is not always feasible with DC.

I had my tablets changed a few months ago by the hospital doctor but I assumed it was because I said I had put weight on since starting the others and he said I was obese. My GP I see for depression said he didn't know why the tablets had been changed and my other GP said i am not obese.

DH always says I am much better when I don't think about things. That just makes me wonder if one day I will have a huge crash.

Hope you had a good night's sleep? I know what your dh means about not thinking about stuff - much better sometimes! That's why I always get really miserable when I try to lose weight - it makes me think about how much I've got to lose and I get really down. When I'm not thinking about it I'm much happier... sigh.

Hope today's a better day x

Thanks DottyDot. I love your name as I love dots . So is not thinking not necessarily a bad thing?

Not thinking is definitely a good thing! It gives your head a rest

In response to your thread title, there's a book called The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron which recommends an exercise called Morning Pages, where every morning as soon as you wake up you grab a pen and paper and just write down whatever comes into your head, without editing it, or stopping or caring if it makes sense or not, you keep going even it's repeating one word. Apparently it can help get all the mental dross out and onto paper and see whatever patterns you have. You don't have to consider yourself an artist to do it.
HTH

Thanks Fab!

Personally, I love not thinking... Much better than processing stuff sometimes - might be a bit avoidance-y, but sometimes you need to not be going over and over stuff. Sometimes you just want your brain to switch off and to relax - even for a few minutes at a time - and I don't think we do that enough to be honest - never seems to be the time...

I keep having the same trouble in my mind. Does that have to mean anything?

what kind of trouble? I don't think it has to mean anything - maybe just that you have to get it out - let it out - from time to time?

I keep having the same conversations is my head, still keep trying to resolve something that can't be resolved. It is much better when I don't talk to myself about this stuff.

Well obviously keeping it in is not working for you.
Why don't you seek professional therapy? Really commit to it and getting well.

Hi fab - did you feel better mentally on the other medication (the one before the hospital dr changed you)?

If so - I would really push for a medication review with your GP - just to go through whether your recent depression might be linked to that.

Might be worth looking up 'mindfulness' on google. theres quite a lot about it on the Guradrian website too I think. That is meant to help with calming your thoughts and just being more in the moment x

I really want to do this myself. TBH I have had therapy and it only helped to a degree.

Hi fab, things will get better. What medication are you on and how long have you been on it?

I am on duloxetine and have been for a few months. This time I have been on AD's for a few years .

Have you ever tried talking to Samaritans?

You don't have to be on the edge of suicide to call them, they just listen to you talk about how you are feeling in the hope that giving you somewhere to share your feelings would help stop you from thinking about suicide. They will always ask if you have thought of suicide, because if people have then they might need to talk about that, but they wouldn't try to talk someone out of it or anything like that. They don't make any judgements on people and of course it is completely confidential.

It can help because you just have space to let all your random thoughts out, you can say how you are really feeling and the person you speak to will have heard it before and will understand. It is exactly what you asked for in your title.

Just a thought.

I tried emailing them last year but they didn't know what to say and told me to leave it a few days before emailing again. Today I am just not thinking about the issue so maybe yesterday was just a blip? It was bothering me because it involves someone else and I will be in the area they are soon and I will find that hard, even though I won't see them.

Did they??

I have to say that is extremely bad practice, and I'm sorry that was your experience of samaritans. They really really shouldn't have said that to you, but I am certain that the ast majority of Sams would not have said that, as that's simply not what they are trained to do. They are human though and do make mistakes, but as an organisation that can only police itself, I hope someone there saw your email and the samaritan involved was recommended for more email training.

If you feel you ever want to try them again, via email or text, or over the phone, the chances are you will get a much better response.

I'm glad to hear that you are not thinking too much today.