Please or to access all these features

Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

If talking about it doesn't help and keeping it in means it never go away, what are your other options?

33 replies

TheOriginalFAB · 07/06/2011 16:46

This is a general question though I do have a couple of things in mind that I need help with.

OP posts:
madmouse · 07/06/2011 17:33

Are you sure talking doesn't help? Have you truly talked about it also the real stuff that really hurts, that you are ashamed about, the fact that you think no one will understand and the stuff that makes you think others will run away if you tell them. Because funnily enough those are the things you need to talk about.

TheOriginalFAB · 07/06/2011 17:34

My migraine has obviously got to me as I can't understand your post. I know it is me as I am sure you have written it well and is clear.

OP posts:
CrapolaDeVille · 07/06/2011 17:36

Hmm...I'm not sure. I think counselling style talking is rubbish for me, I'm too manipulative and understand my own faults too clearly. So I'm going to a no nonsense psychotherapist tomorrow.

I think it depends if your issues are yours alone or require input from someone else.

TheOriginalFAB · 07/06/2011 17:39

I just feel like I am my own worst enemy at times.

OP posts:
TheOriginalFAB · 07/06/2011 17:40

I am scared to be happy. I fight with myself. I am totally screwed up and don't know how to be me.

OP posts:
CrapolaDeVille · 07/06/2011 18:27

Sounds like you need some proper therapy like CBT that give strategies and not mmmmkay type stuff.

CrapolaDeVille · 07/06/2011 18:28

I ask people's opinion on everything and have no censorship...at all.

TheOriginalFAB · 07/06/2011 18:38

What do you mean by no censorship?

OP posts:
CrapolaDeVille · 07/06/2011 18:42

I spill everything, every minute detail of my life.... to anyone that stands still long enough to listen.

TheOriginalFAB · 07/06/2011 19:00

I used to be like that as I might not get asked how I was again. No one spoke to me after that once they knew I had depression.

OP posts:
TheArmadillo · 07/06/2011 19:24

I found talking about it didn't help - I knew what was wrong but not how to fix it or stop it affecting me. Keeping it in was what led to the breakdown in the first place.

CBT is really helping as it is actually working on changing my behaviours and beliefs. It is hard work though and you have to be prepared to do the work.

TheOriginalFAB · 07/06/2011 19:27

I find that things haven't got any easier over the years but talking about it only helps to a certain degree and for not very long. I am determined to get through this.

OP posts:
mollymole · 07/06/2011 19:34

can you write it down

TheOriginalFAB · 07/06/2011 19:47

One thing that is stupid is that I am scared to be happy. I find it unnerving and I can't just enjoy the moment. I am used to happiness not lasting.

OP posts:
madmouse · 07/06/2011 21:12

See FAB I don't find that stupid or hard to understand because I'm better now but I used to be the same. It's too dangerous to be happy as you are on edge waiting for it to stop again. Respect it, respect the way you are - it developed for a reason.

It is just a protection mechanism that your clever mind has devised to help you cope.

You say you don't know how to be yourself but you are you, that's it. Try to accept yourself before you try to change things.

TheOriginalFAB · 08/06/2011 08:16

I know I am bright really so why do I do things that hurt me?

OP posts:
CrapolaDeVille · 08/06/2011 10:15

FAB....that's why CBT therapy may help. It can help you change your thinking, I've also heard of compassion therapy today, really positive stuff.

I'm going about my temper, first appointment today. I've asked for a non wishy washy therapy because I'm too manipulative and I come out 'impressing' the counsellor but getting nowhere fast. I'm a shit mother too.

I should be cleaning my house right now, it makes everyone happier to live in a tidy house....but I'm not. That is sabotage.

TheOriginalFAB · 08/06/2011 10:23

I fight with myself. My head and my heart. My rational and irrational side.

OP posts:
CrapolaDeVille · 08/06/2011 10:47

Do you trust your own judgement? Have confidence in your decisions?

TheOriginalFAB · 08/06/2011 11:22

I don't know.

OP posts:
CrapolaDeVille · 08/06/2011 11:34

Seems like you need a little self esteem Fab.

TheOriginalFAB · 08/06/2011 11:37

While mopping the floor I was thinking why I said I didn't know and I act like I have no control over my feelings and my actions and while I know that is stupid, I know why it is the case that I feel like that.

OP posts:
CrapolaDeVille · 08/06/2011 11:49

I had an overbearing mother....

Yogagirl17 · 08/06/2011 12:01

Can i just take a minute to stand up for all the wishy-washy mmkay type counselling? I'll be totally upfront and say, I am one of them so of course I have a vested interest in convincing people of the benefits of "non-directive" counselling but I do it because i genuinely believe in it. And here's why. Because the truth is, I don't know why you don't want to let yoursel fbe happy or why you fight with yourself. But somewhere, deep down, you do know. My job is to help you figure that out, to help you recognise the stuff that's hard to admit, even to yourself, without censorship or judgement. It is not my job to give you the answers. Personally, although I think CBT can be very good for certain types of problems (mainly anxiety, phobias etc), I think that for the type of things you're describing, an approach that truly trusts you, the client, is more empowering in the long run.

Having said all that, if CBT works for you then by all means do it. Most research shows that at the end of the day, the individual therapist and the relationship between the therapist and the clients makes a hell of a lot more difference than the theoretical approach.

You can find trained, qualified counsellors - from all different approaches - here, just click on Find A Therapist:

www.itsgoodtotalk.org.uk

I'm sure you will find a way through this. x

TheOriginalFAB · 08/06/2011 12:02

Crapola - do you want to talk about her?

I have had lots of therapy and none has been right for me.

I do want to be happy. I am just scared. Whenever I have been happy before it hasn't lasted. It is surely obvious why I am scared to let myself be happy and just enjoy the moment.

OP posts: