If talking about it doesn't help and keeping it in means it never go away, what are your other options?

[TheOriginalFAB]

This is a general question though I do have a couple of things in mind that I need help with.

I've just been to a lovely therapist....she said I was shallow (I am), didn't know myself very well and seemed not to know how to make myself happy....all true.

FAb....What makes you happy? If it was say the sunshine, the sun shines everyday...if it's winning the lottery that may be a bit harder.

I need to find a way between being in denial and spending too much time thinking about things.

Fab, another approach that sounds like it might be good for you is called Emotion Focused Therapy - it can help get your different sides (head & heart) talking to each other, as opposed to fighting.

If you're used to happiness not lasting long then it makes sense that you are scared to be happy, that doesn't sound stupid at all. But you also said you don't know how to be you. Maybe if you could figure that out, you wouldn't have to rely on things that could be taken away from you in order to feel happy.

I remember feeling really happy when I bought my own flat as for the first time in my life I was in control of where I lived. I am much better when I don't think about things.

On the basis of if I think about certain things it doesn't help and it upsets me, how can I work through things - maybe in a writing down way - without it becoming too much again?

You could think about learning meditation/relaxation techniques or something like yoga to learn how to clear your mind.

Also, Emotion Focused Therapy, which i mentioned before, is very good at helping people to work through issues from a 'safe distance'. Experienced counsellors can help you talk about things without feeling overwhelmed.

It sounds like you really want to feel better but you're worried that the process you might need to go through to get there could be really hard. x

I think that is true. I go into denial as I don't want to acknowledge that the issues are huge and are upsetting me, I don't want to give them the credit for being able to get to me. I have also lived a lot of my life without dealing with things so think that is the way to go.