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Mental health

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Original poster

have emergancy mental health team visiting me tomorow, can they take my kids away? i'm scared!

30 replies

mannicmummyhavinaiccy · 18/04/2011 21:14

I have PND, for the 3rd time, but, i think due to trauma whilst pregnant, its worse than ever. had a gp appoinment and done that stupid questionare AGAIN, he said the score was very high, and caled the MHT there and then, they are visiting me at home tomorow, im a single mum of 3 (6 week old dd2) all alone, so they will be here at the visit, im scared they will call social servises if I tell them how truely bad im feeling (have a few suisdal thoughts) and with no one to take them, they will endup in care (cant blame them, as im not a good mum at the moment, and dont want them seeing me like this any way) I need help but should I hide some things or should I give my asshole xp custordy? I need some advise, im very scarred, will never forgive myself for what im putting them through, but I really cant help it, but if they end up in care, I cant put them through that. help

OP posts:

Trying4Baby1 · 18/04/2011 21:24

So sorry you're feeling this way but I don't think you should lie about how you are feeling as this would prevent them being able to give you the help you need. I think in the majority of cases they will try and offer support without removing the children from the home. There is a home help kind of thing you can get, can't remember the name right now and my doc has been discussing this with me to get me some help as I have depression at the moment too, mainly caused by not getting a full nights sleep and not having a single second to myself at the moment. If you could get someone to help in your home either by doing some housework or even just looking after the children so you can go for a walk or have a long bath or shower it can make a difference. Has your doctor prescribed any medication? Sometimes you need help and there's nothing wrong with that!!

spanky2 · 18/04/2011 21:33

My friend did take all her anti-depressants and end up in hospital (although apparently you can't OD on them.) She is still in contact with her MHT. She had had other pills/booze/stomach pumping when low. She ended up having a breakdown and her Mum took the children to stay at her house for a week, as her behaviour was erratic and she needed a break, but that was all.As far as I know the MHT never said anything about putting her children into care. She had PND and anxiety. With their support and the support of family and friends and the right medicine and counselling she has got through it. It wasn't easy but she is unrecognisable as the same person. She is doing amazingly well. I have scored high on that questionaire twice! You need the right medication. A diabetic wouldn't have their children removed from them and they need medicine. You are not the only person who feels like this, the MHT will have seen it before and know what to do to help you. You are ill and tormenting yourself. Be your friend give yourself a break. Feed the children, put them to bed at a good time, put them in clean clothes and take them to school. So what if the house is dirty or the ironing isn't done. Survive until the pills start to work. You know that you can do this because you have before. Thank goodness you were brave and insightful enough to realise you had a problem. It took me nearly 3 years to realise I had PND. I feel the guilt for not being the same mummy to my ds2 because of the PND that I was to ds1, no PND. But you aren't choosing to be like this you are ill. My friend is separated too and has 3 children, how strange?

Pancakeflipper · 18/04/2011 21:39

Please be honest with them otherwise it take you forever to get better. it will spiral into a huge mess for all. So please for you and your children - tell them the truth then you can the right help instead of wishy-washy help probably not applicable to you.

They will help you and your family. This is a 'blip' so let them help. They are not going to run out of your door with your kids vowing to not let you see them again. They probably will get you some support. Different areas have different ways of doing this, things like someone who comes to yours and is practically helping you with the home ( cleaning etc) whilst you focus on your health.

To put a child into care costs an absolute fortune. Foster care on a temporary basis is probably the 'worst' option and you'd still see the children.

Please please be honest. Help to get better is there for you.

I hope this is the bottom of the pit and from tomorrow you begin the journey of climbing out of it to sunshine. Take very good care of you x

Original poster

mannicmummyhavinaiccy · 18/04/2011 21:43

Thanks for replying Trying4Baby1 I aws given paroxitine by an amazing doc when dd2 was 2 days old, as he said he could see signs, but anohter doc gave me prozac, but have now been told is dangrous to dd as am bf. I am all alone since xp left me on dd's due date, I have my mum, who is miles away and generally great, but hates me when im like this, she tells me to snapout of it or hangs up the phone. x

OP posts:

Pancakeflipper · 19/04/2011 07:37

Mannicmummy - lots of luck today. Will be thinking of you.

willdo · 19/04/2011 08:56

Yes good luck, will also be thinking of you...

sethstarkaddersmackerel · 19/04/2011 09:01

good luck xxxx
if you know your children are safe with you (and having suicidal thoughts doesn't mean you are going to act on them) you can reassure them of that while still being open about your depression.

so sorry your ex-p was such a wanker.

narmada · 19/04/2011 13:01

mannic I am so sorry you're feeling very low. I have been in a similar situation, although I am not a single parent so slightly different.

I had bad PND after the birth of my second child, and I also had the crisis team round. As part of the assessment and their contact, they explained to me that in this area they do have to notify social services that they are involved with the family. They were at great pains to stress that I shouldn't be at all alarmed by this and it did not mean my children were considered at risk and there was no question of them going into care. They were very, very helpful and instrumental in my recovery. I think it's best not to hold anything back from them - otherwise they won't realise how bad you feel and you mightn't get the support you need.

5 months down the line I am now fully recovered. Just keep believing you will be too in a few months.

Do you have any family support or help nearby, or someone who could come and stay for a bit?

MotherSnacker · 19/04/2011 16:43

No, they will do everything to keep your kids with you. Care is the absolute last resort. Lots of mothers have mental illness, sometimes very severe, but they always try to keep the family together.

Trying4Baby1 · 19/04/2011 21:26

Hiya manicmummy, hope everything went well today and they are going to get you the help you need. You can be prescribed different drugs that are safer if you are breastfeeding. I'm currently taking lofepramine as I'm still bf DD. If I wasn't I would probably be on seroxat as I know that definately works for me. Hope it went ok today!

Keziahhopes · 20/04/2011 18:55

Hi, sorry about that - but it is good they are trying to help you. Know sertraline is used by friends with pnd who bf. So if you need another AD perhaps they can swop you to one that is safer - or like the loferpramine trying4baby1 has.

willdo · 20/04/2011 20:57

How did you get on OP, been thinking of you....

Original poster

mannicmummyhavinaiccy · 21/04/2011 13:50

Thank you for your lovely words, unfortunatly, they are not going to help me. Told them that I'm feeling suicidal, but she said if I don't have a plan then its not a worry.So was dischaged from there service the same day. Today has been awful. I've been horrid to the older kids, my son said he's scared of me when I'm like this :( I hert myself quite bad and it very noticeable. Called my mum out of desperation and asked her to take the older 2 so they don't see me like this. She can't. I hate myself fir putting them through this! Called health visitor, but she hasn't returned my calls for the last week, and she is well aware of how I'm feeling. Thinking it best to give full custardy to xp, rather the kids have a happy upbringing thinking I abanded them the I put them through this. Heath visitor says that even the baby is suffering from me. And the 1st 3 mnths are so important, so what am I doing to her?!

OP posts:

narmada · 21/04/2011 14:23

What a shocking thing for the crisis team to say. I just cannot believe they have left you to cope with all of this all alone. What area of the country are you in, mannic? I really think you need some proper support, it's awful for you.

I really think you should call them back and say you are not at all happy about being discharged. If necessary, go back to the GP on an emergency appointment and tell him/ her what's happened. It sounds like they were quite good in the first place so should be able to fight your corner now.

Don't worry too much about the kids, they are very resilient and the baby probably won't have the first clue what's going on. The depression will be causing you to overestimate the likely impact of your condition on your kids. My DS is the happiest, smiliest little chap at 6 mos and I was basically incapable of parenting him from when he was about 5 weeks to when he was about 3-4 months old.

Is there anyone else apart from your ex partner that you'd trust with your children?

My gut instinct tells me to scream 'nooooooooo' when you mention giving custody to your ex at such a vulnerable time for you. Is this something you'd have considered before this episode of depression? I am just wondering whether it's something you'd regret doing when you feel better. But gosh, you need some respite and some support now, you poor thing.

Please stay posting on here. I will look out for your messages.

AxisofEvil · 21/04/2011 14:27

Could you see the GP urgently and speak to him?

cath476 · 21/04/2011 15:09

Is there anyone you can call (a friend maybe) who could just come and sit with you and talk it through?
I hate to think of you going through this all alone.

MotherSnacker · 21/04/2011 17:31

Sorry they have abandoned you. Sometimes (often actually) people have to fight to make their voices heard in the mental health system. You are not a bad mum you need treatment and support. Go back to your GP. Also you should be able to get an advocate who can help you access care. Rethink and mind have helplines, look on their websites. They can advise you how to go about this.

Keziahhopes · 21/04/2011 17:39

That is awful, but unfortunatly exactly what I am going through. Why not contact out of hours gp, or go to A+E and ask to talk to on duty psychiatric who has to see you.... crisis team may want time off over bank holiday so not always looking out for people, whereas a hospital team can give a less biased opinion!!

Trying4Baby1 · 21/04/2011 21:43

Please go back to your doc and see if there's anything else that can be done, they can at least prescribe you some meds that might help lift your mood or stabilise it.

I think most MHT through the NHS are shocking from what I hear. I had this discussion with my doc earlier this week as I had to contact my local MHT for an assessment appointment and I had to phone 4 days in a row before I actually got someone to talk to me and I have to wait a month for the appointment. My doc said this isn't uncommon and they've had complaints about them before.

Please feel free to message me if you want to talk or even just get stuff off your chest if it will help!

Chocattack · 21/04/2011 22:22

So sorry to hear such shocking treatment. Hope you have the strength to keep fighting for better. Please don't give your ex custody - when you get better (which you will) you will regret it.

Keziahhopes · 21/04/2011 23:22

Hi - can you think about getting some help for you with the children, so you don't lose custoldy - like family or ex having children for a "holiday" - you do'nt have to say that you are struggling etc .... as when you feel better and you will then losing custody might be a big regret. x

Thornham · 21/04/2011 23:27

Seriously, you're feeling so rubbish that I think you should seriously think about moving the baby onto formula and taking the stuff your doctor could then prescribe. Breastfeeding is great, but it's not worth the mental toll it's taking on you and, by extension, your children and the baby.

narmada · 22/04/2011 11:13

How you feeling today mannic? Been thinking of you.

Chocattack · 22/04/2011 21:49

I missed the bit about bf. Thornham's right could you consider switching to formula? Bf is exhausting and places a lot of stress on your body (nutrients, more frequent feeding etc) especially if you are unable to eat well. Hope you ok.

TheOriginalFAB · 22/04/2011 21:55

My God . Are our mental health services really that bad in parts?

I have been near where you are and totally get the things you are thinking, especially with relation to your children.

I am off to bed in a few minutes but if you need anything at all, or even just an on line chat, send me a PM.

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