Been in hospital - low, scared, asked for help not got it

[Keziahhopes]

Had scary time: collapse, ambulance, resus, HDU, acute stroke ward.

Thankfully not a stroke, but have all the symptoms: slurred speech, one sided weakness, sight probs etc. Hospital were great, a neurological problem. Home now after lots of intensive physio and ot help to get me on my legs. I can wobble a short distance only so very restricted in what I do right now.

Went to see a dr at health centre as it all hit me, my care co-ordinator being off ill for months, no therapy or counselling support for a year and I recognised the signs of how this is hitting me. The dr I saw said to my dh that he is not responsible for me, it is for me to get help myself!! Uh, I rang CMHT, got told no duty worker on so can't speak to one, my care coordinator they don't know when back (not that she does anything just facilitator she says) and can't see anyone else unless psychiatrist says so. Taken 3 weeks to get psychiatrist to talk to manager of cmht - end result I got told was "complicated" and that was all. Got told unless I am sectionable can't have help. What do they want to do, wait until I am suicidal before they do anything? I am going that way but don't want to and the gp dr I saw has seen me once in my life and told me I have been a lot worse when she saw me last year so go home and take diazepam.

The stroke dr I saw on discharge said that stress could make this happen again - it is a neurological, physical problem and I needed help from cmht, so saw a gp to ask for help. She said unless I am sectionable she will do nothing.

Why because I will nto say I want to end life can I not have help. I can hardly walk, had scary scary time in hospital - couldn't even take self to toilet.

Am falling, physically and mentally and I know the signs. Stroke dr said I was very low and concerned about me. She will write to my gp (couldn't get apt to see him -a 4 week wait usually, right now unless phone at 8 for emergency apt and they go so quick have to phone every day) to say I need more help. I didn't mention mental health at all she just noticed I was on an AD. She asked if gp could get access to counselling for me - this lady gp I saw said "what do you expect from me on a Friday?" Well she not doing anything about me. Then my dh goes back to see her in tears as he not coping and gp says I am not his responsibility it is my responsibility to get help!!!

How can I? Can't cope - can talk now, need help doing anything and got no support till see stroke dr in 2 months in outpatients.

Sorry - essay above.

I am jealous though - jealous of all my friends who have children, they all do! And everyone at work now is pregnant or got a grown up family - even the men have started having kids (not literally!) that didn't have them.

Off to my Mum's now - may not have internet access until end of week as they don't ahve it! Mum had one grandkid through my sibling, but I am a great disappointment after 12yrs of marriage to her, and doesnn't she let me know it, sigh!!

Hope you all had good bank hols x

Sorry yet again Keziah , bit overwhelmed atm . So sorry to see you were having such a hard time with painful emotions . So , so hard when eveyone you know has children . I've always been aware how "lucky" DH & I are that most of our friends have reached late 40s without kids , so we didn't feel the same constant reminder - not that you ever "forget" . ( not saying I'm glad my friends have no DC )

Very important to be honest about your feelings, & hope you can get a good session with agency nurse next week to talk this through .

choc found the exact right words on the day , & I hope her week has been less stressful than the last . Go for it with community action stuff , I really recommend it for socialising , improving confidence & above all feeling you've tried to help improve things .

Hope you found your DM in fairly good spirits , & I agree with choc that it must be grim worrying for her ... I see DH trying to keep cheerful seeing his DM very ill , & know it takes a lot of courage to just keep going .

As for your feelings of guilt about what you can't do atm , you manage more than I do and it's "only" been a couple of months since your collapse . As choc says , things will change - even if you did still have some difficulties though , IME you & DH will find ways to deal with the imbalance ...sorry if I sound glib , I know some of how it feels

Hope you have a restful weekend after family visit

Hi Keziah. Hope you're bearing up after your visit to your mum's and that things have not got any worse for you emotionally or physically. Wishing for a peaceful weekend for us all.

Sorry to hear you're a bit overwhelmed City. Will dig deep to send positive thoughts (to you too Keziah) .

You are lovely , Choc , feeling better already . Hope you have a good weekend , where you chance upon uplifting ideas if you could do with some emotional refreshment ( Sorry for strange and stilted language - my brain's creaking )

Joining you in hoping Keziah is relatively OK after visiting her DM

< joins in efforts to send very positive thoughts round to Keziah & Choc >

Hi city and choc - well got very angry for no real reason on Friday, after home but had a better 2 days to recover. Emotionally not so good, but physically the last two days my walking has got better - so back to the osteopath who is doing good things for me, as the nhs physio doesn't want to see me for three weeks now and I am impatient!

We decided no holiday this year so don't feel too guilty having osteopath treatment, as the quicker I am better the more I can do - the physio's approach was pay for a cleaner!! Sigh....

got a meeting with the psychiatrist coming up - petrified about that.

Welcome back Keziah. Hopefully today has been a better day emotionally but so pleased the walking is better. The nhs physio is passing the buck! (Though a cleaner sounds a great idea ).

Might I ask why you're petrified about your psych meeting?

Hi city, glad to hear you're feeling better already. Think you may have passed overwhelmedness (is that a word?) onto me . But I did have a good Saturday. Oh and thanks for saying I'm lovely - am so not feeling it right now.

Hi Keziah and choc and sorry for yet another stretch of unhelpfulness but I just couldn't manage to post .I feel a lot less hassled now - hope you have both
had a few events these last few days which lifted your spirits .

You absolutely are lovely choc , always finding the right words for Keziah's situation . It's easy to remind you to listen to try to change some of the things causing you to feel so overwhelmed - if only it were that easy .

Not surprised you felt angry when you got back Keziah, as it must have been very stressful dealing with your parents' expectations on top of your constant worry for your Mum . Sorry you felt particularly low mentally but the outpouring seems a good sign .

Ha about paying for a cleaner - IMHO the State should pay for a fewhours of a home help per week for people with injuries / disabilities , and provide a reasonable level of rehab to those who need it ..sorry , am so arrogant

Hope physio going OK & that you had your session with agency nurse this week .

Positive thoughts to you both xx

Hello - well I think you are BOTH lovely!! Shall I start a new thread for us 3 and call it something nice, so we can support each other (not just me!)??

• oh useless care co-ordinator got her manager to phone my dh to say she will phone me about her role as C-C. Um, well - how about see me? Or meet my care plan, or realise that I am profoundly deaf so do NOT use telephones! Grrr..... but, productive day and am having a treat of a stress relief massage tonight which hopefully will help my aches. Rather that than a cleaner I think.... agree totally about "ha for cleaner" - how about not having to wait a month for physio so can recover!!! Grrr again. No, totally agree city

Choc glad you had nice Sat, it is nice to have some good times .x

Hi Keziah and City. I'm up for a new thread but don't feel you have to - I'm happy supporting you here (makes me feel useful) . I can't believe your care co-ordinator [raises eyes]... least you had the massage to take your mind off it!

State-sponsored cleaning, brilliant city!

Hope you both have a nice weekend. Unfortunately (but grateful), I found out today I've got a CBT assessment on Monday so I'll be trying not to let the thought of that make me too anxious (I've been deemed unsuitable before ).

Hey Choc having a cbt assessment is a positive - you might not get it, but I can't even get as far as an assessment, so your services seem a bit more enlightened than mine!! Glad they are not all like mine. 2 inpatient hospital trips and they didn't even give me crisis team to support me when left hospital last year! Hope your weekend is ok though, lots of distraction things needed!

Will try and think of a name for a thread - really appreciating your support, just don't like the name of this thread now I read it. It has helped so much this thread.

Massage was wonderful - asleep by 9.45pm, 11hrs sleep. Booked one in for Sept, as something to look forward to - best £38 I have spent!!

Ok, new thread title = Keziah, City, Choc et al support thread

• so same thread as this, but nicer title

Oh no , somehow lost my post of last night - knew I was very sleepy .
Hope you're able to enjoy some simple distractions this weekend Keziah after busy week.

So your so - called care coordinator is trying to look as though she will work with you to clarify what she should be doing - how on earth has she forgotten you can't use the phone - not in her notes ??? Pretty insensitive .

Glad you had a constructive day on Thursday & lovely massage . Agree that basic physio( plus a few hours' home help a week ) are needed to prevent deterioration in a person's condition , let alone give person a chance to recover .

Sorry you're feeling nervous about tomorrow choc - did they did they give you specific reasons why they thought you were unsuitable for CBT last time ? Cos in my experience "they" are frequently mistaken over basic facts [hmmm] and not listening to the client / other medical professionals , so if that should seem to be the case tomorrow don't " take it to heart " - another professional thought you needed to be referred to them again & there's a good chance you will receive CBT this time - & to try to ease your worries , we need to think how you can word the question of whether you'd be eligible for any other treatment if not CBT - am sure you can say it better than I would but I know how it is when you're worried . < lots of positive thoughts >

Outrageous that you were left without access to the crisis team after hospital stays , Keziah - of course I remember you saying that

Brilliant idea to have a new thread , Keziah , & thank you and choc so much for your support . Really hope you don't mind that I posted here one last time - wanted to leave some of my crossness behind with old thread .