Been in hospital - low, scared, asked for help not got it

[Keziahhopes]

Had scary time: collapse, ambulance, resus, HDU, acute stroke ward.

Thankfully not a stroke, but have all the symptoms: slurred speech, one sided weakness, sight probs etc. Hospital were great, a neurological problem. Home now after lots of intensive physio and ot help to get me on my legs. I can wobble a short distance only so very restricted in what I do right now.

Went to see a dr at health centre as it all hit me, my care co-ordinator being off ill for months, no therapy or counselling support for a year and I recognised the signs of how this is hitting me. The dr I saw said to my dh that he is not responsible for me, it is for me to get help myself!! Uh, I rang CMHT, got told no duty worker on so can't speak to one, my care coordinator they don't know when back (not that she does anything just facilitator she says) and can't see anyone else unless psychiatrist says so. Taken 3 weeks to get psychiatrist to talk to manager of cmht - end result I got told was "complicated" and that was all. Got told unless I am sectionable can't have help. What do they want to do, wait until I am suicidal before they do anything? I am going that way but don't want to and the gp dr I saw has seen me once in my life and told me I have been a lot worse when she saw me last year so go home and take diazepam.

The stroke dr I saw on discharge said that stress could make this happen again - it is a neurological, physical problem and I needed help from cmht, so saw a gp to ask for help. She said unless I am sectionable she will do nothing.

Why because I will nto say I want to end life can I not have help. I can hardly walk, had scary scary time in hospital - couldn't even take self to toilet.

Am falling, physically and mentally and I know the signs. Stroke dr said I was very low and concerned about me. She will write to my gp (couldn't get apt to see him -a 4 week wait usually, right now unless phone at 8 for emergency apt and they go so quick have to phone every day) to say I need more help. I didn't mention mental health at all she just noticed I was on an AD. She asked if gp could get access to counselling for me - this lady gp I saw said "what do you expect from me on a Friday?" Well she not doing anything about me. Then my dh goes back to see her in tears as he not coping and gp says I am not his responsibility it is my responsibility to get help!!!

How can I? Can't cope - can talk now, need help doing anything and got no support till see stroke dr in 2 months in outpatients.

Sorry - essay above.

Sorry please ignore what I wrote- I don't know how to delete my posts, what I wrote is what is in my head and I would never say so publically and am embarrassed by that.

I don't post things to get responses like ambulances, nor do I say things to mental health workers to get such things... no one would ever section me as they will not even let me see a duty worker or anyone else. Seen Gp, he said today mental health team are doing everything they can and if I get no appointments to keep phoning.... 12 phone calls later they say it is bank holiday. They have a policy of not replacing care co-ordinators if they go off sick, even if for a year unless psychiatrist says so - my gp says my psychiatrist is doing everything I can, hence 3 sessions with crisis team over Easter. I got told I didn't ask for help soon enough, have not been like this for a year am scared of my head and I got told today by 2 people, a manager and a gp that I need to keep asking, as they may be able to offer me some help at some point. Not allowed to ask for any help now until Tuesday am. I am deaf so can't talk to samaritans on the phone, or any phone line or duty worker on phone. Apparently today I was down to see duty worker but they had too many other crisis to see and now no duty worker available until Tuesday at CMHT and can't access them until 9am on Tuesday.

thank you both for posts, I can't reply to what you say cos am too upset but will try to another day. I need to learn to check my posts before I press send, as my intention was never to concern others - I go out of my way to avoid that, I could ahve told gp I was so suicidal today and might have got an appointment but I don't allow that to happen. Multi disciplinary team have twice decided I don't need them to follow my care plan. I just want to be strong enough to cope myself and I can't hence I hate that I need a CMHT, and the CMHT are refusing to see me, as is their choice. If short staffed they prioritise and I have a social worker not a cpn, a social worker doesn't get to know a person adn their life, and therefore can't say what their needs are - so sw clients are bottom of the pile. I have no kids so there is no issue there, not able to conceive naturally after 7 years due to male factors.

Sorry to have made you feel more stressed keziah, I realised you didn't want to etc but was still very concerned.You have absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about & I'm sorry you do.

Very glad you've tried -many times- to contact services today but it seems as if they're doing the balancing act between getting you to ask for help enough times to possibly categorise you as being at a higher level of need (depending on other aspects of your situation ?) & keep within management targets / budgets , whilst not triggering catastrophic stress / a serious incident for the service user. Cynical culture [angry} I reread an earlier post where you said your advocate had warned you of the excuses they might use to try & avoid their responsibilities , & that they did go down that route.

Ah , your deafness must be a huge barrier to your getting advice. If - big if- you can get through till Tuesday you might find there is some progress in your care plan. If not , you can then review your options for advice / access to advice. You have useful experience of the complaints procedure which shows far more ability / knowledge than most of us can muster , but your local services are determinedly unhelpful so you need really expert advice .

Sorry if the stuff about my experience stressed you too , but may I very cautiously add that for me even severe neuro symptoms have improved / vanished over time , not necessarily returning even during relapses , to date - I really hope for improvements for you, too . I find stress directly triggers the feeling of weakness & other symptoms so I hope as your care / treatment situation improves , so will your physical symptoms. ( makes the dereliction of duty even worse , the effect on your condition).

I totally see that you didn't write what you did to get any reaction but I have seen that response happen before on MN , causing further stress to the OP , & years ago I once opened the door to the police who' d been called by a well- meaning (general) nurse to whom I'd been talking to on the phone - she got totally the wrong end of the stick & thought "better safe than sorry" as I sounded so low. Awful experience , though the police were very kind.

You are notably articulate despite your great distress & I know that can count against you with some MH staff . Hope you can try & get through till Tuesday now, & even feel calmer - probably impossible , sorry.

btw re: your being too upset to go outdoors , which might help you feel a bit less awful , do you have a car - obviously you aren't very mobile atm - or a wheelchair , for the time being? Is there any open space you could get to with your dh? There were many times at my worst when I was visibly upset & dishevelled & dh took me out in the fresh air or to sit in the car , & I lived for those times . I was so stressed & volatile & odd - looking that he lived in fear of a passerby calling the police reporting apparent DV!

Hope you have a more peaceful week - & obviously you mustn't be drawn into answering questions you don't want to / feel up to.

Sorry you've been having a terrible day. Please don't be embarrased we all just want to help in whatever little way we can. You're amazingly strong to have got this far but it's criminal that you're not getting the professional support you need. Hope your dh is home and that you're a little less upset.

city - thanks for your insight, you have been very perceptive on quite a few levels, including my articulate part of me stopping me accessing services. Well my dh had 12 phonecalls to people over 48hrs to try to get me help this week.... end result was Crisis Team want to set up a meeting with my CMHT and me and psychiatrist (the latter knows am struggling but not offered me a 15min slot to see her as she only works half a week!) to write on my care plan that I can only access crisis team (ie only be referred to crisis team) if my care plan has been followed. well my CMHT care plan says see care co-ordinator every 2 weeks, if struggling increase contact with care coordinator or use duty worker. mm - no care coordinator since feb, duty worker refused me 3 times.

Dh at breaking point.
think cried myself out today - can't remember last time cried non stop for so long. thanks chocattack for your astute comment, really helps to hear that what is happening is wrong - after a time one blames oneself.

City - have car yes, but no wheelchair. The community physio told me today they don't have to assess me for anything for 2 weeks after referral. I can't believe I left the acute stroke ward with needing 2 people to take me to the toilet and pull my pants down (yuk!) to no assessment for what will be 3 weeks. However the 2 30min physio sessions had separately have resulted in a loan of a crutch!! Glad you improved city - I have use of my left arm now, just not hand - hence my lazy typing! Told to stand on rice to get foot back, so cheap rice a purchase for tomorrow for dh!

Hi keziah - so sorry I didn't see your post last night -I fell asleep on the sofa
Dear God , what outrageous neglect by the CMHT. Where can you get advice on the the fact that your CMHT have repeatedly failed to meet your care plan .... no care cordinator for months - incredible.

I take it your previous advocate can't help further (I remember you mentioned that some time ago)- would there be any point trying again to find another? Are there very few who can work with hearing impairment?

Sorry for being totally useless atm , just wondering what you could do if they tell you next week they won't meet basic needs , or it turns that they don't do so.. Any option at all of legal advice ? You have perhaps tried that already. (Just as there are solicitors specialising in school appeals now , & it's normal now for parents to have to take legal action when LEAs refuse to honour statements , are there lawyers springing up to help people denied health care rights?)

Will look up more on patient rights but suspect you're much more knowledgable than I - but I am more up to it atm and am very determined that Mn will stand with you on this ! You could of course ask on the Legal Matters board - I would , in your situation . I was also impressed by the specific advice given recently in Chat to a woman whose mother's care home was failing her.

Am beyond shocked at 3 weeks since discharge without a physio assessment . You'll need that to be considered for a wheelchair , I guess? Can you get into your car without your DH having to lift you?

There is something in a post from a week ago that distresses me - & I realise that it was you thinking aloud , not saying you were going to do something drastic - you said then you sort of felt that if you weren't here there would have to be an inquest and no one else would have to feel as you do . I'm so sorry you were driven to feel that way . The hateful reality is that even such publicity might not change much for people in your area ....patients' rights / MH sites have many such news reports in their archives . The running down of services is due to longterm political processes - this can be fought collectively - but you might be more useful to others in quietly demanding your needs be assessed & met , than you would be gone & archived . ( you need rest periods from the daily ringing that has to be done - what must that be doing to you both).I realise you have been under intolerable stress for a long time & know how weak & shaky neuro problems can make you feel - but it is not surprising you were feeling that way after such neglect & even hostility in the case of one or two of the MH staff previously.

Your dh sounds brilliant but you are clearly worried sick about him . Your recovery must be in suspended animation as without adequate physical & MH treatment / & support . I imagine you can't have a mind settled enough to relax & switch off & stop worrying for a few mins , let alone feel hopeful. It was quiet time outdoors with dh / watching comforting TV that helped me recover mentally & physically.
(btw when I mentioned concern hat someone might feel you were so depressed you might need inpatient care, I'm sorry if I upset you but I found I begged for months for a basic an assessment from CMHT - referred by GP - & their waiting list was so long that I eventually asked for an assessment under the MH Act, which is obviously less popular ! The SW seemed to panic in case I had actually been genuinely suicidal all along & the team swung into wild action .The psych I saw didn't believe the life events which had caused my depression were factual , but that I might be delusional , & became keen to section me - argh)! Point is , I worry your Crisis team might suddenly swing from inertia to overreaction. Not sure you can protect yourself from that more than you already are.

I very much relate to the ludicrous way you can start to blame yourself , & have seen it in loved ones whose health care has been lacking . Your courage in dealing with the health system absolutely astounds me .

You have given me such a push to sort out the basics of my own health care , as both of us been left so traumatised by our experience we find it literally impossible to speak with health staff , even in emergency .

Very glad your arm is improved , & hope hand follows - your typing is far better than mine, & I have no excuse- & hope you find the rice physio helpful .
I'll try & find out more today & will post if I find anything really relevant sounding.
PS I'd avoid the wedding coverage for the sake of your mental health [csmile]
Sorry for appallingly long post - won't do it again

Hi - no worry that Crisis Team will overreact, they want less work!!! Can only see them twice between now and Monday and then handed back to CMHT. Crisis told me today that if I didn't bother about seeing CMHT then I would not be so bad!! Yet they said my life events, a bit like you, of last few months are enough to be in Crisis. Its tiring.

Thanks so much, just reading your post helping. I can get into a car and have got an elbow crutch from nice physio, who can't see me anymore as told by her boss she not allowed to do neurological cases! But triage for community team on Tuesday. Husband going to contact work and ask for flexible working location (he has remote access but will need to miss meetings.)

I know resources are being run down... what I find hard is 2 people under the same team (who don't know I am) are seeing people weekly and one's diagnosis is anxiety and she is getting 2hrs a week. Good for her - but makes me feel worthless. I guess I know my husband will fight - publically if need be - for an inquest (like he logging all phone calls, the Crisis Team said to now copy everything in writing and insist on all things in writing to leave a paper trail .... he had 12 phone calls in 48hrs alone!) and that media might be the way he has to go. I guess it feels like some sort of justice and I am struggling to care about me. Because of a formal complaint, upheld last year, to access services I know this is why I am being treated this way. My old advocate left me halfway through - he moved jobs. The new advocate has a waiting list of 4 weeks!! That will be without the Bank Hols etc, but she only has a specific remit - a new title that I don't think I can be under. Crisis team said my Care Plan will be changed without my input from CMHT so they can't be accused of not following it - their usual ploy if you go down the legal route! It is their legal loup hole and one cannot say "others have..." as they they have more deafness than me. I can cope in person, but cannot have access via a telephone to duty workers, so have to see them - arranged by DH as they don't have any other system in place for "disabled users." Know at inquest can play the disabled card significantly.... haven't played it at all - just hoping there is someone out there who cares about people, but think the whole of this CMHT should be "ofsteded and sacked !!!" - lets be thankful they are not in charge of education at least (ironic emoticon needed!)

Sorry, can't use brain enough to limit words... but typing is good physio for left hand. Bless you - just to read that someone else is out there is more good than you can realise right now City. x

Hi keziah & have to apologise yet again for not replying but I didn't have the opportunity to come back home before going back out. Thank you so much for what you've said & I wish I had 10% of your guts & articulacy - 'tis my brain that hasn't the ability to limit words ( & I've been feeling very guilty at causing you to type so much , so am glad if it's good for left hand ).

You & your dh have done so much better than anyone else in your position could have - far, far better than we did in a less fraught timespan - & "they" will not have been expecting that . It makes sense if the complasint being upheld means you're being treated this way
Your post has helped me understand more about your situation , thank you , & I feel you are making very good progress in a system currently militating against progress .

I'll just hope you see I said thanks & Goodnight before you go to bed , & I'll read your post again , see if I can managee any sensible reply , & check back tomorrow to see how you are.

"ofsteded and sacked " indeed - ironic emoticon with crown needed. You are very brave & I hope you will be as glad to have got through it in a couple of years , & enjoying life again as much as I am now.
Hope you get a good sleep tonight.

You made me smile - making me type helping my left hand!!

today a better day, dh managed to get me out to meet a fried which just helped to get out of my head for a bit.

Defitely need that icon.

Sleep is one thing I could do with having more of. Hope you had a good day too x

Pleased to hear you had a better day today. Hope sleep comes to you.

Hi Keziah , really good to see you & sorry for taking so long to reply - got home late yesterday & only had time to wish another poster happy birthday before going out again . So pleased your dh managed to get you to your friend on Friday . There must be hellish ups & downs each day atm so I hope the agencies whose help you need will soon enable your life to get into a routine of progress where you can gradually begin to recover from the traumas you've experienced , but I know day - to -day survival must be very hard right now.

Incredibly sorry for my awful left hand mistake [cblush] I knew the situation with that hand - my brain must have dozed off

Are you having trouble sleeping because of physical discomfort as well as all the current stress? IME neuro conditions can cause you to not "feel" the signals that trigger falling asleep, however exhausted you are. (not sure ihow the mechanism works , but nervous system obviously involved ) . I've seen this mentioned in blogs by people with paraplegia. If it's any help at all , you may find it improves soon - am very fortunate to have only had 2 longer bouts of sleeplessness over 15 years , though they horrified me at the time as I had no idea of the cause. Nowadays I fall asleep instantly wherever I lay my head .

Sorry for all the depressing topics . Sounds fab that your dh has been remote working , but I know this type of situation can feel very precarious ( we haven't got a firm plan in place for severe relapses , as council provision keeps changing & my flareups are unpredictable ) & we had to wing it with dh's work when I was too wobbly to feel safe alone , but will plan more sensibly now . Have you had a chance to talk to anyone about applying for a social services assessment so you might be allocated someone to help with washing / dressing/ putting something in the microwave? I have 3 friends who have helpers / personal assistants , though as you know local authorities don't provide them "free" any more . Your horrible SW should be sorting this stuff out for you . I'm sure you're too busy trying to get more basic provision to be able to deal with it , & you may have a massive degree of recovery & be able to put the issue aside, but it would be good for your emotional health if you could be assisted to make outings during your recovery.

Wish you & dh could have lots of escapism - if you can't get out , hope your current stress doesn't totally prevent you from being amused by a bit of internet / TV - I like programmes with sweeping panoramas when I'm grumpy , & history / archaeology programmes [csmile]. I'm sure you have a "munchy" mind & follow your interests to a high level, when you feel up to it emotionally -I find it can be good to read sites on more philosophical topics , or just pop psychology nd.

Sorry I sound a bit downbeat & so incredibly waffly - been doing too much & brain woolly at best of times . Had a good day with new friends yesterday , but very stressful as am so socially inept ! Thinking of you xx

Thanks Choc - I keep thinking my body at some point will need decent sleep!

City, glad you had a good day with new friends; am sure you are not socially inept, just perhaps takes longer to make friends?

City - interesting what you say about neurological issues and sleep, just even thinking that has taken a bit of stress out of lack of sleep. I am so scared of relapse before I have recovered, as was told it could happen again at any time by the consultant when I left hospital. I must say my sight, speech and brain seem back to normal and left sided weakness is such that left arm now looks "normal" even if use is not totally what it should be.

My mental health care co-ordinator (who is off work long term sick I guess by now as not seen since early Feb! as she can't cope with her own life issues) is a social worker, so in theory could actually help me right now - unlike the last few months I'd had her when she said I can't talk about life or emotions, she just facilitates things - but as she not there and I have no access to any part of my CMHT or my care plan being followed (got told to stop thinking about my care plan as it is not helpful? Mm, not for them no - so they will change it apparently without my involvement obviously to reflect their lack of provision- .

You did well City to cope ad hoc when flare ups not good. Did you get an official neurological diagnosis and any treatment? My poor dh looks worse than when he was at work before Easter. He worked his hours despite me being in hospital (just a 2hr break to visit me) and has been off for last 2 weeks.... doing everything he can, even watching box sets of stuff he doesn't like to help etc. Think he was just glad I even wanted to watch anything! And that makes me feel guilty, seeing him so stressed. He even shouted at me, and he is the calmest person I know.

I see crisis team worker tomorrow afternoon, final session. They then are handing over with a meeting to CMHT, which I am meant to be at. But they will meet together before I go to meet - no date set for that. I just know it will be about me not complaining when there is a lack of resources for me to have help. But what frustrates me is I have only ever had 4 sessions of therapy type work ever despite what they say are severe and complex mental health needs, previous cpn told me off for not asking for help soon enough and getting into crisis and now they will say I am being "needy, demanding etc." Crisis team already told me my CMHT having a tough time etc, lack of staff etc..... well in business, where my dh works if people are off and there is work there people just work unpaid overtime, something I have never seen from this particular CMHT. In fact the last time someone called they actually said " end of work day, ie 5pm, can't talk anymore to finish this off I need to go home." Lucky person!!!

Sorry - moans, waffle. Just want to have physical health back so can cope with my mental mess without any NHS worker who doesn't want to be involved. I have never deserved a psychologist, or a counsellor of any description - was told I was too articulate to be in the mental health hospital when in it last year! Grrr...........

How did I miss your post last night , Keziah???[cshock]-I checked - must have been befuddled . Really sorry not to have acknowledged it.
Really good that you can vent a bit about this hideous mess "they"'ve dumped you in , & will try to post a cogent reply - & you are not moaning ! You even still have a sense of humour.
To me that is brilliant news about the improvements in your physical symptoms , much better than even my optimistim dared hope for . Really good sign , I think .

Would you forgive me if I try to use a PM for the bits
about getting diagnosed etc? Feel cowardly saying it's too raw & personal to put on the main site (horse , stable door ). If that would be OK with you , it may take me till tomorrow to articulate it ( am very far behind with basic tasks this week!)
Best of luck with your appointment this afternoon . Hope you don't come back feeling a thousand times worse

lots of positive thoughts coming your way , & your dh sounds lovely in this impossible situation . So angry on your behalf that you should be under such strain. Was just what we did , watch box sets together , as I couldn't face too many stressful topics being mentioned at once like you expect in the plotlines of unfamiliar programmes! Please don't worry about a reply when you get back , unless you need to offload xx

Pm away. Got worse here. Call this am to say my mum taken to hospital with suspected stroke and heart attack. Dh drove me the 2 hours to hospital and as soon as arrived dad and sibling said they'd go home and leave it to me. Been here 4 hours so far. Cancelled crisis team as couldn't go and am trying to hold it together. On mobile.

Life hurts. I not coping.

Oh no Keziah , wish I'd got back earlier. Am sure someone else will see your post too & try to support you - feel helpless though . Your Dad & sibling were v dim to strand you like that - Christ , you physically can't manage nearly that long even without that a long drive , surely ? And stress always brings on severe feeling of weakness for me , so I can't imagine how bad you feel atm - any chance of a sandwich on the ward ? _ you must feel too rotten to eat , but still.

I guess on a bank hol you won't get hold of a doctor who can venture much of an opinion re: your DM's condition? Are they not doing all the necessary tests yet ?( sorry to be so gloomy - hard to tell for a layperson if they're doing the optimum ).

I don't think I'm anywhere near you? - far south - will try to work out how to PM you . Would be good if you were down the road ...if not , would you consider going home tonight? Will your other relatives not come back tonight? Guess not . You know you have to get some sleep and back to your dh's support , as your health must be suffering today as it is - but so sorry if feel torn. Will keep looking in here & will try to see if I can PM you my area , in case you're close. Other Mners would gladly help , you know - think about it , if you have a clear mind after such a day

I so hope your DM she is not as ill as initially seemed . Will send positive thoughts & prayers & hope a spiritual calm envelopes you to steady you at this awful time . (((Keziah))))

Hi Keziah , sorry to post such a depressing response. Hope PM worked - such help as it is [sceptical] and that circumstances have improved a little ? You can't stay there without support for your health needs. Thinking of you xx

I don't know what to say, Keziah. I want to say something positive that may help you a bit but words seem to have escaped me at the moment. If only I was as eloquent as city. I know you need to be there for your mum and you must be worried sick but hope you and dh are able to look after yourselves. I really admire your strength and I wish I had half your resilience. I can't imagine how awful it must be for you right now. x

Sorry, me again...as the PM is still not showing up as sent , I''ll resend

Been thinking of you , Keziah & hoping for a glimmer of light for you ...one that's actually visible , that is , but am sure that's way too optimistic atm.

Prayers for your DM , and hope your physical condition hasn't taken gone backwards due to the impossible demands placed upon you yesterday . Will keep an eye out for you as I have been doing in case any of us can be of any use , but obviously you are going to be preoccupied today xxx

Thinking of you xx

Hi, sorry no post was shattered. Back home, which is not what I wanted but am shattered. In Midlands - but thanks for kind thoughts of where I am. Got home by midnight, dh exhausted too. Was glad I went as she was very poorly (is 65), not best care on bank hol as 5 dr's for whole hospital they told me and I was so stressed as:

• in a and e they did her obs, which worried me and did nothing. I eventually intervened and they immediately put her on oxygen and sent her elsewhere where they did more!

Mum not know who I was but did when I left. She has been in and out of hospital with strokes, renal failure and now this so am used to it and my dad expects me to be there every day. Lied about my mobility to them - "hurt my leg" accepted. I asked the dr, who she saw at 6pm whether I needed to stay and he said, she has made is this far so ....

Feel guilty but physically 8hrs in the hospital was too much for me.

Thanks Choc and City, being heard kept me sane - so kind of you.

Well good news is had physio assessment, now await OT assessment for some physical support aids I need (like shower chair, stool for kitchen, another stick etc) = physio not believe I not had any yet and home for 3 weeks. So the good thing is she stayed longer, gave me loads of exercises to do and will come once a week for 4 weeks. Also dh's boss approved flexible location of work, phew!

See - trying to be positive for you.

Hi Keziah , thanks for posting - amazed by what you did for your Mum , just staggered. Such a long time at the hospital plus at least 4 h in car , on top of immense stress atm , is so very much too much - hope you can rest properly the next few days. Very fortunate for your Mother that you spotted some problems with her care - horrible to have to query such basic stuff . So sorry she's had such awful health . I'm sure she will still be feeling really comforted by your day with her.

You make saintly efforts to be sincerely positive , Keziah !!! You only let off steam when asked further details , & that's positive too ... sorry for my patronising tone - I struggle with articulacy.

Not an easy situation for you if you don't want your family knowing anything yet . Just what you need , being forced by circumstance to explain your neurological problems - I guess your Mum is there for a bit longer & you say your Dad will be expecting you there more or less daily ? - or not , if he sees you're "injured " ?
Guilty indeed - absolutely not , but how distressing for you. My experience is that " pushing " yourself physically often brings on a relapse - though it is very often a small one , unless the exertion was comparatively big for you ... as this was your 1st ( hopefully last ) neuro event , you don't yet know your condition & its limits . I don't see how you'd be able to visit as you've also been at rock bottom mentally for months I believe - due to others' inaction - which in turn impacts upon the body . Such a hard situation for you , as chocattack says.
Sorry , no more doom & gloom from me from now on, but I want to state the obvious to keep reminding you not to feel guilty. You are heroically brave .

Your Mum may not know yet that you're currently unwell physically , but her subconscious absolutely will perceive it - I know that sounds daft - & her expectation of your presence will decrease until she senses you're stronger. ( hope I'm not upsetting you with my opinion - so sorry if so ).

Very pleased to hear physio gave you assessment , some empathy & a few appointments . Hope the exercises & OT assessment help - truly disgusting that they didn't grant that earlier. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay at dh's work approval , so glad .
Peaceful night to you both xx

(Incredibly kind of you to say what you did earlier , chocattack , & so sorry I didn't see it & thank you before - improved my confidence so much )

I'm not surprised you're shattered, Keziah. I'm so relieved you've had some positive news and really hope it continues. You've had such a very bad run of very bad luck you deserve a bit of hope. I'm actually feeling positive for you! That said you've managed extraordinarily well to cope - I don't think I could have. And so pleased about the physio and your dh's work request being accepted. Hopefully these steps will help (or at least help stop things from getting worse .

(Thanks for thanks, city!)

city - wish you could tell the crisis worker that I am positive, she says the opposite! However, as crisis team don't want me to be stuck with them they have now got my CMHT to do something .... an agency nurse with them will see me for 6 one hour sessions! Wow, that is the most I will ever have. They refused me the duty worker cos they said I don't cope with strange people, so instead of giving me a permanent member of staff they have given me a temporary worker -as obviously don't want me to have to see anyone again. Care co-ordinator is still off ill longish term. Ironic me knows that they have refused me for so long that even they have to admit a neurological condition suddenly occuring, with Mum with heart attach in 3 weeks is not good news !!

Choc - was so shattered that Wed night I had melt down - was crying with exhaustion. Was in shower, towel under a garden chair I was sat on and I put shower gel on my hair.. I cried out for dh as just sobbed! Think was tired... did nothing this am which really helped. Good to hear I am doing ok, cos at times it is hard to see that.

Got physio at home, with exercises to do so hope it helps.Apparently my left hip and quad are very weak right now.

City - dad expects a lot but now my brother married there is a bit of a change there, in fact my dn went and cheered my mum up with them today, a day off for me!! And I am being strong and not going now till Sat.... trying not to feel guilty for that, but dh needs to go to work and I can't drive and beginning of week shattered me so much.

Oh City please dont' say you are not articulate - you are very much so!! x

Hi Keziah, good to hear that there has been much movement on all fronts for you. Yes the CMHT situation is really ironic - sounds like they're covering their backs now what with all the additional stress you've had to deal with in the last week. Hopefully you will benefit from seeing an agency nurse. Is the idea that you will always see the same nurse for the 6 sessions?

Weds sounded like a release of emotion, combined with exhaustion. Good you listened to your mind/body and did nothing this morning. Take it while you can - you'll soon be back with your mum and you'll need your strength. Good luck with your exercises. Here's hoping they help your physical recovery. Ok now handing over to the so articulate city. Take care for now and stay positive .