Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Mild split personality disorder, perhaps, don't know. Help

41 replies

Headsdown · 15/04/2011 22:57

OH is er 'not himself' at the minute, when he gets like this there is no reasoning with him and he can be very irrational and takes comments etc the wrong way and is very defensive.

It will usually start when he gets angry/ irritated about soemthing and can escalate very quickly to the point where he is swearing at me and basicly telling me to fuck off. OK I am not the best at walking away when he starts at first as often I totally disagree with what he is doing or saying and find it hard not to defend myself if he has taken something the wrong way.

He has recognised that he has anger issues and after seeing doc he is on 10g escitlopram, which has perhaps helped a little, I also try not to argue if I see he is going off. But it can be a bit like treading on eggshells when I fear is is ready to pop.

Thing is when he goes he is like a different person, and there is no reasoning with him, whish I suppose is common when people are in a rage, but even whe he calms down a bit I can still tell when he is not quite back, and you still can't reason with him.

Like justnow I came upstairs as he was getting ina rage and told me to fuck off. he came up apparently calm, but told me we have to talk as this isn't working out and we argue all the time and I can't jsut leave things. I quickly realised he was not back to 'normal' so tried to not get to indepth as to wanting to leave etc. I ended up saying I didn't think it was a good time to discuss it as he was tired etc, so he grabbed some clothes and when I asked what he was doing he said leaving I asked why and he said because he doesn't like me.

I know when he is back to normal he will say sorry and all that and say how much he loves me, but perhaps it isn't working out as I can't keeping being verbally abused and trying to bite my tounge. When he is Ok he can talk rationally about it, and even made an other appointment to see doc.

Don't know if this is a mental health issue or an areshole with a rage issue.

hmm?

OP posts:

Original poster

Headsdown · 15/04/2011 22:57

Didn't realise how much I wrote, but good to get it all down.

OP posts:

MitchiestInge · 15/04/2011 23:02

'split personality disorder'? Is that a new one?

FannyFifer · 15/04/2011 23:10

He sounds like he has anger management issues and needs to do something about it.
Why is he taking an antidepressant?

Have you children, how does he behave with them?

madmouse · 15/04/2011 23:11

in a way it does not matter what causes him to behave like this - you do not need to let him treat you in an abusive manner. Nor should you have to be scared about triggering him. If you think he may have a mental health problem get him to see a GP, tell him you will not put up with his behaviour any longer. if not, draw your conclusions.

But please be wary of labelling bad behaviour a mental health issue - being abusive is not a symptom of many mental illnesses....

FannyFifer · 15/04/2011 23:12

Has he been physically violent towards you?

Original poster

Headsdown · 15/04/2011 23:26

Split prsonality, well I don't know what to call it, Schizophrenia seems a bit strong.

I am worried that it is just him not dealing with anger properly, he was getting very angry about things that I would not expect people to get angry about.

No never violent at all, so not worried about that. Verbal abuse only.

He is very protective of his young son (doesn't live with us), but not to the extent of being outwith normal. My two are older and just normal step parent relationship I would say, but sometimes the source of arguments, like he didn't want my son playing 18 rated games on his xbox even though I have allowed him some 18 rated games, was prepared to discuss it, but he wasn't, basicly went in huff, changed settings on xbox.

He has just come up and he is back, clmed down and fine, told him I am discussing this anonomously and he is fine with that.

OP posts:

Crawling · 16/04/2011 08:56

Split personality is a derogatory name for scizophrenia there is no illness called it. Which is why internet diagnosis is bad. Get him to see his GP op.

WinterOfOurDiscountTents · 16/04/2011 15:24

schizophrenia has absolutely nothing to do with split personalities, never has done.
Sounds like he just has the one personality to me, with anger issues.

Crawling · 16/04/2011 16:04

split personality Was first used as a term for scizophrenia (Scizo means split and phrenia means mind) and then for DID multiple personality disorder but it was never the correct term for either.

I really think you should get him to speak to somone op no one here can diagnose him and if there is something wrong he needs help.

madmouse · 16/04/2011 16:29

'not violent at all, verbal abuse only'

well that's ok then??

If he abuses you verbally he is being violent

I'm concerned that you are making excuses for his behaviour. And that looking at it as a mental health problem is part of that.

It's time to stand up and make him stop this behaviour.

NanaNina · 16/04/2011 22:23

Totally agree with Madmouse. I too am concerned that you seem to see this as a mental health issue, even to the extent of inventing a type of mental illness (split personality disorder) that doesn't exist. I think you might mean that sometimes he is ok and other times he is in a rage over nothing. That does not mean he has a mental illness.

It sounds to me as though you are accepting this behaviour and trying to prevent the outbursts. You shouldn't have to live like this. He certainly has a problem - if it is some kind of mental health problem, then he needs to see a GP. The thing is men like this act in the way they do because they know they can. He knows you tip toe around him (not consciously maybe) and that there are no consequences for his behaviour. You can't change his behaviour, but you can change your reaction to it. Try it and see what happens.

I am not unsympathetic as you are clearly struggling but you must learn to stand up to this man, or he will continue to walk all over you. How long have you been together btw? Has he always acted this way - if not how long has it been going on. What do you know of his family and childhood. Behaviour is the product of experience and we become the adults that we do largely by our childhood experiences. Did he have a father who behaved in this way because behaviour is often learned from parents.

Whatever is the cause, I think you need to stand up to him and not just assume he can't help his behaviour because he is mentally ill.

Original poster

Headsdown · 16/04/2011 22:29

I never said it was ok to verbally abuse me. I would not call it violence but it is aggression.

I don't want to make excuses for him, which is why I have told him it is not acceptable and he has already been to see GP and been prescribed Escitlopram, I have told him he will have to go again as it is not enough, he agress and has made another appointment.

He has been told when in both states of mind that is behaviour is unnacceptable, and he knows this and is trying to improve. The 'episodes' do not last as long now and he will try to stop him self. There occasion now where previously he would have gone off but has stopped and brought himself back down. The only reason he is still with me is because he has admitted his anger is a problem and is trying to deal with it. If he was in denial either that there is a problem or blamed it on a disorder I would not tolerate that ahd he would be out the door.

Its all very well him seeing his GP, but I was hoping for a bit of support and perhaps information from other people who had perhaps dealt with partners like this, or if it may be partly down to a mental health problem, as I can't really go and see my GP about it can I.

I don't want to blame it on a mental health disorder (sorry if I used the term split personality incorrectly) rather I am trying to rule that out. Internet is the best source of information for that, not trying to diagnose, just trying to find information.

OP posts:

Original poster

Headsdown · 16/04/2011 22:32

Oh and he certainly doesn't get to 'walk all over me'

OP posts:

thenightsky · 16/04/2011 22:38

Please get your DP to go to the GP and ask for a referral to a consultant psychiatrist. He needs a proper diagnosis and treatment if he is ill. And you shouldn't have to put up with this long term.

madmouse · 16/04/2011 22:45

I'm sorry if you feel you did not get the support you wanted but personally I have seen too many women and some men tolerating far too much of their partner's bad behaviour and then making excuses for it. You sound very different in your last post than in your earlier ones and certainly much more in control. With the level of awareness that you describe now he should benefot from anger management work and from figurin g out why his anger gets so out of proportion.

Plus it is frustratingly common when someone has such behavioural issues for it to be suggested that it is mental health or (not in this context) special needs and that can get a bit wearing sometimes. Which informed some of my response.

Original poster

Headsdown · 16/04/2011 22:57

As already said he had made an appointment to see GP again, he did this himself after blowing up at the weekend. He knows himself he has a problem. He does not blame it on being 'mental'.

I suppose it was me that thought it might be an actual mental health problem as he is a 'different person' when he goes off, even when he seemingly calms down I can tell by the way he is talking to me if he really is back or if he is still gone, his reasoning will still be way off and will not take full responsibility for actions until he caomes back down properly then I can discuss anything with him.

We have talked about his childhood, seems to be no issues, his father had dementia when OH was in his 20's and died when OH was in his late 20's. It was his dads second marriage. Dad was not violent or agressive, says he can't even remember his mum and dad argueing much. Dad liked to cook etc and seemed to be a fairly happy family life.

My first post was written when I had come upstairs to avoid him when he went off.

OP posts:

Original poster

Headsdown · 16/04/2011 23:03

Feck it he is teetering on the edge of going off right now, I basicly went downstairs and said shush. He had been shout at football on telly (normal man football shouting), but he was on phone to freind and the conversation was very loud, so I said shush.

Footy must have finished because he has just come up to tell me I should not hae spoke to him like that. Typical crap when he goes off, he gets very arsy about the way things are said. He says he could have gone off on one but he has stopped him self, I think he may still, going to be a crap night I think.

OP posts:

Original poster

Headsdown · 16/04/2011 23:15

Deep breath,

I don't want to start an argument, said I was sorry that he felt it was not the way to speak to him, but he was very loud on the phone and request to shush was not mean tto be horrible or anything, just that he was very loud.

So did not apologise for saying to shush, but sorry he took it wrong way.

OP posts:

madmouse · 16/04/2011 23:17

you desperately trying to avoid a blow-up?

it sound like anger management issues to me - always seeing himself wronged or slighted and having to assert himself against that. does he drink a lot?

Original poster

Headsdown · 17/04/2011 00:24

That sounds about, right.

Not much of a drinker, he is not drinking at all just now as he is training, but would say moods the same now as when was occasionaly drinking. He could drink a lot in one night, but nothing for ages.

He admitts that when his dad died he lost himself in booze for a while.

OP posts:

Original poster

Headsdown · 17/04/2011 00:29

angry cos I said shush
angry cos I let my DS go for a shower, didn't realise how late it was and somehow it happened to be the same time as he was about to go for a shower.
angry cos the dishwasher not emptied and refilled.
I said I will do it as you are going to bed, he says no point as he has started it and I will just be clunking about (bedroom directly above)
he is sleeping downstiars because he wants to get up early to watch grandprix

He is just in a shitty snippy mood and I can't stand this, breaking my heart here, I haven't done anything to him but he is being so horrible, but at some point it will all be gone and he will say sorry and how much he loves me. But in the mean time its like I am so bad and against him, but I think I have done nothing wrong.

OP posts:

Original poster

Headsdown · 17/04/2011 00:32

The irony is I am already on Escitlopram for stress, and I was getting it undercontrol until he moved in and I have to endure his moods, my shoulders rise up and get so tight.

I get stressy and shout but I don'y march about all day snipping about ecverything I get grump and say what I need to say and its done its over, the kids might get a bollocking for not doing their jobs, but its done and dusted and I help them to get things done so we can all be happy and enjoy, till the walking cloud desends and darkens everyones mood.

OP posts:

roaster · 17/04/2011 00:47

does he love you and do you love him?

roaster · 17/04/2011 01:16

when did this all start if you dont mind me asking? did something happen to start it or was it always in the relationship?

philnteds · 17/04/2011 08:56

I think people are being a bit hard on you headsdown it does sound like your partner has serious anger issues and its not fair on you at all having to live with someone like this. It is emotional abuse.

Along with his AD does he take any multivits? Cod liver oil and Calcium/Magnesium might help to calm him down a bit - seriously i know it sounds daft but i take both of those for my anxiety or when i am feeling wound up. But he really needs to get his anger issues sorted out....

Flip

1 2