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Original poster

Finally admitted it.

39 replies

KnickersOnOnesHead · 07/04/2011 11:42

I went to the Doctors this morning for the implanon removing. The nurse was running late so the gp asked if I wanted to chat about anything else.

Next thing I knew, I had burst in to tears telling him how I've been feeling for years :(

He's put me on Mirtazapine.

Haven't stopped crying since.

This has been a really big step for me but I could not carry on like this anymore.

I've lost too many friends due to being depressed. Pushing people away and telling myself things and reasons why they don't want to know me.

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PixieOnaLeaf · 07/04/2011 11:45

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madmouse · 07/04/2011 11:55

Remember that you may have pushed people away because of how you were feeling. They would have been surprised at that and if they are real friends they will instantly forgive you when they hear you've been struggling so much

Original poster
KnickersOnOnesHead · 07/04/2011 12:23

Thank you for replying Pixie and Mad.

Pixie, I've had counselling, and AM before but it didn't really help in all honesty.

GP wanted me to make another appt for next week to have a chat etc but I asked if we could sort it out today as I knew I'd not go.

I'm hoping they help me sleep. I've not been falling asleep until gone 3am and then up with kids at 7am which hasn't really been helping matters.

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Original poster
KnickersOnOnesHead · 07/04/2011 12:35

Oh I've just had the most sickening thought. Please please tell me that SS won't be getting involved :(

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PixieOnaLeaf · 07/04/2011 12:36

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stealthcat · 07/04/2011 12:37

Did the GP say that they thought SS needed to become involved?

Original poster
KnickersOnOnesHead · 07/04/2011 12:41

No he didn't say anything about it.

I didn't say I wasn't coping with the dc to him...because I do cope, most of the time.

They are at exp's today and tomorrow so I can now just potter about etc. I haven't told him.

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stealthcat · 07/04/2011 12:44

If you are coping and the GP didnt mention SS then they wont be thinking about that - referral to SS when a parent has depression wouldnt be something done routinely, but for specific reasons.

Hopefully the Mirtazepine will work for you soon.

Original poster
KnickersOnOnesHead · 07/04/2011 12:48

Thank you for the reassurance Stealth.

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Original poster
KnickersOnOnesHead · 07/04/2011 21:38

It has taken me 1 hour and 40mins to build up the courage to take my first tablet.

I feel so scared and vulnerable at the moment :(

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freebreeze · 07/04/2011 21:57

Don't be scared of the medication. I had to take anti-depressents once and I do remember being scared of them - very scared. BUT I admit they did take a bit of adjusting to - I felt slightly whoozy for a while - they start by 'slowing you down'. But you know, they did work. They quieted (is that a word?!) my troubled thoughts and just gave me a break from it all. And then, when I was ready, it was time to come off. I was really scared then! But it was fine. I just reduced and stopped. I was ready. (I know for some, it's no that simple and I do utterly sympathize with those women, I can only share my experience). Don't be scared or ashamed - if you have a chest infection you take anti-biotics, if your mind is ill you take medication, what's the difference? Bless you x

Original poster
KnickersOnOnesHead · 10/04/2011 18:32

Have been sleeping lots the last couple of days...and I got restless legs last night. Urgh.

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notenoughlicorice · 14/04/2011 15:14

I had a really bad time a few years ago about a year and a half after teh death of my partners daughter.. out of body experience and crying not related to grief although that was the initial trigger.
I had my implanon removed and within 2-3 weeks I suddenly felt a lot more normal and could easily deal with what was post grief things and what wasn't. Docs reckonned the progesterone from the Implanon went a bit wacky after the initial giref kicked in, which in hindsight was bang on the mark.
hope you are feeling better now.

Original poster
KnickersOnOnesHead · 15/04/2011 10:25

I really wish I could put it down to the implanon. It might of taken a part in how I've been feeling etc but I'd only had it in two years, whereas I've felt like this for a few years now.

I've been on Ad's a week now and don't feel any different, although I know they can take a few weeks to kick in.

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Original poster
KnickersOnOnesHead · 15/04/2011 21:47

I'm really struggling tonight :(

I've been in an atrocious mood all day and it's not get any better. It isn't helping that ds is still up and being a p.i.t.a.

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Dunoon · 15/04/2011 22:05

Hello Knickers. I started on ADs last September and it took 2-3 weeks before I felt 'better' in between I was very up and down and wondered how those in a worse state than me coped with that bit. Am feeling much better now although hormonal mood swings still throw me.
Hope it all improves soon.
Smile

WillYouStewTheLambShankOh · 15/04/2011 22:12

Hi Knickers. Well done. It does take a while to feel different, although I know that you can feel even more irritable and impatient while you are waiting for a change in your mood. Here if you want to chit chat. :)

Original poster
KnickersOnOnesHead · 15/04/2011 22:21

Thank you.

Just feeling very very fed up and every little thing is winding me up.

DS is now asleep, thankfully.

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WillYouStewTheLambShankOh · 15/04/2011 22:41

Glad you've got some peace and quiet. It's hard to keep an eye on your moods when you have no time to yourself. When I first went on anti-d's my DH kept asking "How are you feeling?" and I would snap "I have no idea!"

Original poster
KnickersOnOnesHead · 15/04/2011 22:43

I've been like that, or my dad will say 'what's up?' and I shout 'how the fuck should I know?!' Blush

Told a friend about being on these and she was really shocked, I mean, to the point where she did not believe me at first.

Just pissed off at feeling so shit all the time.

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WillYouStewTheLambShankOh · 15/04/2011 22:48

Shame about your friend's reaction. It just goes to show though, that you have been working really hard for a long time to look like you are coping and convince everyone that everything is fine.

You should be proud of that, but even prouder that you are now admitting that you deserve better & getting some treatment towards that end.

Original poster
KnickersOnOnesHead · 16/04/2011 09:00

Urgh, horrid dream last night. Dunno if due to these or what.

Feeling a little more positive than I was yesterday, but that may be down to the dcs going to exp's for a few days in a couple of hours.

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Dunoon · 16/04/2011 09:48

I know my ADs [sertraline] are meant to give vivid dreams especially if you take them at night. Recommended that they aren't taken at night as a result.
Anyways enjoy your free time this weekend.

Original poster
KnickersOnOnesHead · 16/04/2011 10:15

These are to take before bed, to try and help me sleep.

And thank you, I intend to crack on with dog training when they have gone!

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FoundationGarmentsOnOnesHead · 26/04/2011 16:31

They arn't working. Well, they are making me sleep, but that is ALL I want to do. Sleep.

I am being uncontrollably snappy. Which the raging hormones after having the implanon taken out isn't helping.

my house is a shithole and it is starting to piss me off but I just don't have that get up and go to do anything.

And tax credits have fucked me about.

I just want to cry :(