I have never understood why people cut themselves but now I do and I wish I could do it.

[FourFortyFour]

I am ill physically. I am ill mentally. I have more than one thing wrong with me physically and with one of them and the mental illness I will never get better and will quite probably be on medication for ever.

Right now I am hurting over something and my dh said he doesn't know what to say. I just want him to cuddle me and say something.

I feel like I have had enough now tbh and don't want to fight any more.

I won't do anything as I have no choice but to not but just for a little while I want to be FFF, not a wife or mum.

FFF
I'm so sorry.
As a long-time cutter who's trying desperately hard to give up, though... You're lucky you can't do it. Don't even start.
If your DH doesn't know what to say would just the hug be enough?

Thank you for answering me and I am sorry if me posting has upset you.

DH and I have talked and I think we understand each others feelings a bit more.

I need to find a way to deal with it as it isn't going to go away any time soon.

Why do you want to cut yourself? What will it achieve? I understand it is a coping mechanism bit if you want to hurt yourself physically (and I understand this) there are ways of doing so that are much less dangerous and less likely to leave a permanent mark.

I want the pain to go and feel it will be out of me if I cut myself. I am not going to do it as I am too scared too. I just want peace.

How about squeezing an ice cube in your hand? Apparently it can help people give up cutting themselves as it gives a similar sense of control/release.

Really glad that you have no intention of cutting yourself.

I don't know what to do with myself. My head hurts.

Thank you FFF but it's ok, I'm not upset. I'm glad you and DH have talked.

Betamax is right about there being non-permanent ways to harm and also asks a good question - how do you think it would help?

Get the pain out?

If you feel like cutting yourself you probably feel an enormous amount of pressure inside and that cutting would literally release the pressure?

Can you talk instead? On here or to someone in real life?

I hurt myself with my nails so it never does a lot of damage, but it is still not a great thing to do.

FFF i totally understand where you're coming from, and you're a very strong person to be able to say "no, this isn't right, i won't do it"

i self harmed for many years, but have stopped now (i think).

i also know tohgh, that you don't want to be the strong person! you want to be the one being looked after. sometimes i think that is part of why i cut... so other people HAD to look after me. it's like saying here i am, there is something wrong with me. it's a physical thing that you can patch up

i hope your DH realises now that even a hug with no words at all can be all that you need.

That is exactly it, madmouse.

I am too scared to talk about it. But I want too. But when ever I talk honestly it goes wrong.

thisisyesterday - you have it all right.

(BTW I think we had a row on a thread last night. Seems a good time to say sorry).

hey no problem, that's one of the things i love about mumsnet... you can have a big old barney over one thing, and then come on another thread and totally agree!

You will only feel good for a short time, very short time. Then you will feel shit again, and feel even more shit for cutting. Vicious circle.

Sorry, I cross-posted earlier, then saw you'd already answered.
Ice cubes are good but twanging an elastic band on your wrist can also work and is easier to do discreetly. I don't know if that would help as a release? I have a lot of respect for you for refusing to cut yourself.

I feel like I want to run away.

am assuming you're getting help for the mental illness you have?
do you have anyone you can ring?
i had to try about 4 or 5 different anti depressants before i found one that worked with me and made me feel well enough to sort through my problems and deal with them

Have you looked into DBT?

I have tablets which I take every morning. I have no one to ring.

What is DBT?

My little boy just said "night night mummy. I love you." I tell my kids every day I love them but they don't always tell me.

Have to go, dd crying.

Sweetheart I am exactly the same. I'm battling the urge to cut or burn myself.

Get an elastic band and put it on your wrist then snap it hard, it hurts like hell but I find it helps a lot.

I SH often and in different ways.

There are very safe ways to get the same effect. People have already mentioned the elastic band on your wrist and holding ice cubes.

You could also try holding your hands under cold running water, scribbling on a piece of paper, rigorous housework, exercise, ripping up pieces of paper or scrunching into balls and squeezing them.

I want to smash crockery. Doesn't help my mental state when someone has just rung from a mobile and didn't leave a message and we don't know who it is.

I am just watching a Friends I have never seen (how is that possible?) and I am going to bed soon.

DBT (Dialectical behaviour therapy) - its a specific type of therapy.
The theory behind DBT is that individuals tend to engage in self-harm in an attempt to regulate or control their strong emotions. DBT teaches you alternative ways of managing your emotions and tolerating distress.

have a google. Its a therapy delivered where I work.