Continuation 3

[Habbibu]

If required - apologies to posters for whom this doesn't make sense, it's just a continuing support thread.

Morning lela - sorry , I know you don't know me as I never think of anything to add to the brilliant advice on your thread, but just want to add my best wishes.

You 've been being so honest and brave over many months now in facing the issues inflicted upon you . I am staggered at how hard it must be for you . It's very typical that the MH services will only help if you say something very precise ...hope you can talk with your psychiatrist today. Good luck

So glad you and Dp have a plan for today lela.

Sending you lots of love.x

Good luck today, lela. Thinking of you.

Hi lela just to wholly endorse what others have said re the MABU. When I was admitted, I also felt like I was going to die, like it was such a defeat, like my life had reached its ultimate low point, like I would never get better. Here I was with a new baby ? should have been over the moon ? about to go into a psychiatric unit. I was utterly appalled and disgusted with what I had become. I think it?s fair to say looking back this was the illness making me think like that. There is no shame getting help when you are ill. It is NOT the end of your life. You will start to get better and the fog will start to clear.

As others have said, the MABU was a place of safety, of respite. They really aren?t as bad as a regular psychiatric ward. I am still in contact with a number of the other mothers I was in with too. They understood how I felt more than anyone else. There is a bond there.

Your baby will have no memory of this experience ? as an earlier poster said, they don?t mind where they are as long as they are warm, fed and with their mummy. This experience will NOT scar him in any way.

Thank you all.

The woman from the MBU is coming to pick me up in a couple of hours and take me in.

I am beside myself. I feel like I am dying. I cant bear that this is happening to me. I cant get it together to pack our bags i feel like I am in a bad dream.

I dont want people in real life finding out this has happened I just want to die. My poor baby boy what am i doing why has it come to this?

Stop saying your poor baby boy - he is a lucky baby boy, and he will be absolutely fine. It is not a prison.

Well done, you are doing the right thing.

Just gather together the basics - pyjamas, wash bag, a few clothes for you and for DS, nappies.

Your DP can always bring in other things later as and when you think of them.

Good luck, Lela. I honestly know that feeling of dread in what you are about to have to do. It takes real guts. I remember the night I arrived at the MABU. A nurse showed me around. We got to the day room. She took my hands, looked me straight in to the eye and said 'I know you feel like you're never going to get better, but you will. I promise.' I'll never forget the kindness of that woman. I didn't believe her at the time, but she was right. Good luck.

Lela, remember that other people felt just like this - and understandably. You are doing the absolutely right thing for your son and yourself, and I'm so proud of you for having the strength of character to put aside very understandable feelings of embarrassment, etc and doing what needs to be done. I've said it before and I'll say it again - your son is incredibly lucky to have you.

I don't know if you'll be able to post from the MBU, but will keep checking in, and we'll all be thinking of you. Pack some pjs, comfy clothes, vests, sleepsuits and a couple of friendly familar comfort things. Good luck

I'm sure everyone on here is so proud of you for getting the help you need, Lela. You are a star and you are going to just the right place to get youself better.

Will be thinking of you, best wishes.x

Have been following this thread from the very beginning, although never had anything constructive to add. Just wondering if anyone has heard how she is doing? Facebook? Twitter, anything like that? Hope she is getting the help she needs, can't imagine how she feels x

No, lela is very keen (understandably) to maintain her RL privacy. i do keep checking in to see how she's doing.

I'm Habbibu, btw!

Habbibu do you mean you are in touch with her or are you just hoping to hear from her on here?

No, just on here.

Am still in MBU. Its been hard but now I think its helping. Am very scared of coming home though. Baby doing good, I'm working on myself, accepting help such as it is (mainly medication). Dont use computer in there so cant post much but just wanted to say hi and thanks for your concerns.

Would love to hear from those of you who have been in a MBU how you found it and did you find it hard to adjust when you came out. I feel safer there than at home right now (not really because I'm afraid I'll harm myself, just safe from pressures of real life etc)- did any of you find it hard to adjust to going home again?

Hi there,

I hope you dont mind me messaging you.

I have been in the MBU for nearly 4 weeks now. It was very hard at first as I couldn't see how it would help but now I feel safe there, like you said.

I am home just for the night tonight (last time I tried this was awful, I just begged my partner to take me back into hospital) and am really anxious but I know I have to be able to cope in my own home.

I was just reading over your post before I was admitted and am so struck by how you said you dreaded being told you could go home- I feel exactly the same. Right now I feel as if I could just live in the unit for months as at least I feel safe there, at home I am so anxious its just awful.

I just wondered how you coped with leaving and readjusted to life outside hopsital? Hope you dont mind me asking just dont know anyone who has been through this and none of my real life friends even really know I've been admitted.

Hope you are well anyway, Lela x

sorry that was a message for itsnotjustaslap. I'm so wound up I posted it on here by mistake-just ignore me!

Lela, you can report that post and have MNHQ delete it if you'd rather.

Lela, thankyou for the update. Glad to hear some things are improving for you.

Love and best wishes x

Hi Lela,

Just popping in to say hello and I hope you're doing okay. Thinking of you.

Hi all and thank you for the support you gave me on this and previous threads.

I was in the mother and baby unit for about 7 weeks. It was good in a way because it gave me a bit of breathing space and, eventually, got me on more effective medication. I am very grateful that such places exist but also felt there was a huge missed opportunity to help people long term as the vast majority of the time the nurses sat in one room talking to each other and the patients in another watching day time tv. I had group therapy twice in all that time, but this was the most useful part and some of the other women were lovely.

Anyway I had to discharge myself quite abruptly in the middle of the night a few weeks ago because my mother died suddenly and I needed to go amd be with her when she died and then be at home to deal with funeral arangements etc. It was horribly traumatic and I had a very difficult and complicated relationship with her which will sadly now never be resolved.

I am now at a point of stress where I feel like I can barely stagger through the day, but somehow I do it. I am full of fear, tension, tremendous anger, regret and basicallly just want to run away from my life pretty much every day. The only thing that stops me ending it all sometimes is my beautiful little ds, whose smile lights up his whole face and gives me hope. This doesn't mean I dont find it incredibly hard to cope with him sometimes because of how I am feeling, and I would do pretty much anything for a break, but there is no choice. I just put one foot in front of the other and plod on.

Anyway sorry for long post. I think I will have to leave all this here as it may well just go around in circles as I appreciate that when someone becomes as ill as I was and may be again all that can be done is to tell them to get medical help, which I continue to do. I also dont want to give any further personal information about my situation as it makes me too nervous. I just wanted to thank you all for your previous support and encouragement and wish you all the best.

Lela xxx