Have called duty social work team re my son

[changingname4this]

Not sure why I am posting this as I know that it is a decision I have already made about a situation that has been building up for such a long time.
My eldest son, 15, is under psychiatrist care of the local CAMHS team with a suspected diagnosis of post traumatic stress disorder & drug induced psychosis.
He has been 'off-key' since he was about 4 yrs old & has had various low key interventions from school based anger management etc since age about 9. He finally got CAMHS referral when he seriously assaulted another pupil about 18 months ago.
My partner is away 3 out of 4 weeks and this wont change for another year, so I am alone with 2 younger kids & am 6 months pg. This is relevant as DS1 has told psychiatrist & admitted to me that he hears voices telling him to harm people including me & his younger siblings.
The psychiatrist has told me to be vigilant re child protection & TBH I do worry a lot on the days (well nights really) when DS1 seems to be particularly unwell. At these times I dont sleep until I know he has gone to bed & seems settled; this isnt until 3am some nights.
Basically DS1 has been 'on one' today since returning from school & there has been an argument between DS1 & DC2 tonight. I have intervened as DS1 apparantly was squaring up to DC2 (age 11) and then threw DC3's games console on the floor.
Usually DS1 will listen to me even if he is hostile but tonight he refused & wouldnt leave the playroom to go to his room to calm down; he ended up walking out of the house & has not returned yet which is another boundary challenge in itself as he has a strict 9pm curfew on school nights. I haven't checked if he is in the shed or near the house which is where he goes if he is locked out when he gets back home before me; I feel a bit wary of approaching him TBH.
I called BIL but he is working tonight otherwise he would have collected DS1 & had him stay there; DS1 will listen to larger males.
I have called duty social work team as per what is on his CAHMS care plan & am waiting for a call back. Feel so empty with it all.
Sorry this is so long but I wanted to get it of my chest & feel better for doing so already.

pleased to report that DS1 is home & settled, actually came in 20 minutes early

Am so glad he met up with his friend as he seems to be more amenable tonight. This friend has had mental health issues himself, adhd I think, so is used to 'the system' & has apparantly been in the local adolescent unit previously. Seems like DH1 has been picking friends brain about hospital etc as now he says he will consider taking medication & isn't ruling out hospital if he needs it whereas he was having none of it when the EIT worker suggested it earlier. Am glad he has someone in his peer group to chat too as well as just adults who are trying to tell him whats best.

Feel so much more positive tonight as DS has definately come down a level, enough to talk to me now anyway. He says at the moment tonight he feels safe around other ppl & we are going to take it one day at a time this weekend. Again he is actually sitting in with me instead of in the kids den so it shows his hostility has died down.

DP is doing a huge round trip to come home for some time tomorrow :) so that is good news.

Yes, I agree that so far the early intervention ppl seem very on the ball, I am so lucky that we haven't yet been at all fobbed off which I know happens in some areas.

Thanks again for your comments, I am already looking forward to a long afternoon nap tomorrow when DP is home to hold the fort!

Changey

(Sorry, been on the Million Pound Drop thread!!)

That's great! You must be very relieved!

You & he are SO lucky he has found a friend like this, it really is invaluable to have someone the same age to talk to who understands and isn't 'one of the grown ups telling you what to do'.

Willing to take meds and go to the hospital if necessary - that's a HUGE step forward, massive.

I honestly can't convey how happy I am at how today has turned out for you. I know it's only the start of things, but it's so much better than 24 hours ago!!

I bet you are just holding out to fall into DP's arms tomorrow!

Hopefully if DS gets the meds sorted you will be able to start getting some sleep!! It would be nice to look forward to seeing DP without seeing it as a chance to sleep!
x

By the way NanaNina(or anyone else who doesn't like my comments) I am not posting them to gain approval, or indeed to "muddy the waters". People post on here very often to "gain approval" for their behaviour, and not to look at the bigger picture... I believe that to be dangerous :( Does the op not find it "strange" that her DS1 started "acting off-key" when she had her second child.. is it not also strange that he has started to act up now that she is pregnant with her fourth child.. why on earth would somebody who knows that their child is mentally ill and needs all their support, then go on to have THREE more children?
And for your information, I don't intend to just disappear because I am "disapproved of" on mumsnet :( People don't like to hear the truth, it's just too unpalatable... I refuse to be all sweetness and light when I think that most people who post on here have some "ulterior motive"... such as approval seeking for bad behaviour.. ignore me all you like, I am still entitled to my opinion..

Kibbutz I have been on MN since 2007 and rarely have I seen such an unhelpful poster as yourself

Yes we are all entitled to our opinion but there is a time and a place, you know? You seem woefully inept at judging this one... hopelessly so, in fact

kibbutz

You are of course entitled to your opinion, but you seem to be missing the point that your advice is totally inappropriate for the case of a teenager with a psychotic illness who hears voices telling him to harm others.

Kibbutz - do you not think that perhaps it has been considered that he is "acting up"? In fact, and I am sure the OP is the same, if I saw these problems in my own children I would be hoping desperately that it was just "acting up". If he is with EIT, people who know their stuff and have assessed him in depth (it takes hours of assessment to get on their books) have decided he needs medical help.

The opinions that you are so forcefully expressing to someone in need of help are the reason why many people who have suffered from psychosis and other mental health issues find it so hard to get on with their lives.

And by the way, kibbutz... "Smacks of superiority over experience!"

Good God. What would I give to not have experience in these matters. In fact, what would I give to not have experience in these matters AND of being asked if my parents loved me enough, or if I maybe wanted more attention. As if I bloody well chose to miss out on years of my life. On years of my childrens lives.

I have never read anything more personally offensive in all my time on mumsnet. Your posts could ruin somebodies life. Luckily the OP can see her son is suffering from a serious life and liberty-threatening (sorry OP, obviously he has help so it won't come to that) illness and is ignoring you, but what if a lurker reads that and thinks they should not ask for help in the case of a close relative exhibiting signs of psychosis?

Go to your local secure unit (ok, they won't let you in, but if you could) and see the 40 and 50 year old men whose lives have been ruined because nobody asked for help for them when it could have been stopped.

The best way to deal with kibbutz and her unhelpful comments is to ignore her. Not something I would normally ever say about anyone on here, but unfortunately she has history on here of saying very hurtful and unhelpful things on numerous threads. I think people should just ignore her posts because by responding you are fuelling her fire and taking the focus away from the OP, who clearly needs understanding and support. Sorry kibbutz. I don't know what you're problem is but I find it very distasteful that you are doing this again .

Kibbutz who?

Changey - I hope you are having a lovely sleep this afternoon while DP is on watch and that you two get some time together later on before he has to go back. Ignore any posts that are unhelpful, you know you are doing the right thing - hang in there! x

Oh, trust you getdown, on the "let's get Kibbutz" again are you? Still ganging-up on people who dare to tell the truth :( As you may have read, I am not on here to make myself popular.. I used to be a people-pleaser, but then realized that people are so two-faced they're not worth pleasing...How dare you turn it onto me being the one with the problem... you all come on here and pretend to care about the other poster's.. whom you have never met, and know nothing about in reality... how do you even know that they are being completely honest on here.. Oh chippingin good to see you have getdown to hold your hand... none of you are qualified to tell the op that she is "doing the right thing" until or unless you are in her son's shoes... carry on ignoring, but I will carry on being more honest than the rest of you put together... sweetie, honey, precious :)

In the words of someone else, so sue me

Getdown, I said something that wasn't to your taste on one other thread... which also by the by was none of your business dear.

Pathetic. Absolutely pathetic. It may come as a shock to you that some people actually DO care about others? Something, sadly, you seem to know nothing about

I'm going to stop this now as it is detracting from the OP.

Sorry Getdown, one day you might realize just how two-faced MOST people in fact are.. and as for pathetic.. I think you need to take a long hard look in the mirror...

OP - so glad your partner has made that journey and the friend and the EIT are acting in supportive ways. Hopefully taking son to the psychiatrist will help with treatment and knowing his condition can be treated and improve will help him.

As a mother of a teenager with mental health issues, there is barely a day that goes by that you are not thinking about what you might have done to cause it. I'm sure the OP has spent many hours pondering this, even though the PROFFESSIONALS will assure her it has nothing to do with the childs upbringing.

Also any parent who has had to see their child in this sort of state would dearly love the cure to be alot of love and attention. Unfortunately, it is alot more complicated and requires alot more effort.

So Kibbutz please go elsewhere. cos even though OP is strong enough to ignore you there are other silent mumsnetters who might not be.

Let mumsnet "remove" me.. why should I leave just because a few women disapprove of the things I say? Lazymum, why don't you leave, as I don't like what you are saying...

Might I add that I have no idea how the op feels about her son, as I am not in her skin... but neither does anyone else :(

Kibbutz - this is not meant as anything but an objective view, I don't know you, I've not seen you on any other threads.

You very obviously have very direct, emotional experience of something similar to what the OP is going through. Your experience of how to deal with it and the external agencies who should be helping you does, at this stage, seem different.

I don't doubt for a second that you have done everything possible for your son. The way in which you write about him speaks volumes and for him now to be happy is really an achievement.

All I would say to you is that this is an utterly objective journey for every family enduring this trauma, and you must know this. Each EIT is different, each CAHMS team is different.

What the OP needs at this stage is support. You maybe didn't have this, but now maybe isn't the time for the OP to have criticism of what she's trying to do with her son. It's obviously very raw with you still.

kibbutz....mumsnet have deleted one of your posts,wonder why??

I have to say that as I watched DS1 helping DC3 with lego after dinner tonight & saw the warmth & love that is still there despite of the situation I do still feel truly blessed with my family.

At least whatever problems my son has he is still a loving & kind person who I know would never try & make himself feel better by feeding upon other peoples misfortunes & aiming thinly veiled attacks towards those who need help.

DS can & I hope will get better as he is ill.
I truly pity those who are afflicted with deep rooted personality problems that are beyond medical help.

Thanks again for the well wishes but I wont be posting here for a while; I hope I will be able to come back in the not too distant future with news that DS1 is on the mend x

Sorry forgot to add that it is heart warming to see that so many people will go out of there way to share a kind word or some advice to someone they dont know who is asking for help, it really has touched me.

changing.....good to hear!! hope things work out for you all!

Lovely post at 21.05 yesterday changing. :)

(I have only just logged back in as working all weekend).

All the best to you and your family.