Have called duty social work team re my son

[changingname4this]

Not sure why I am posting this as I know that it is a decision I have already made about a situation that has been building up for such a long time.
My eldest son, 15, is under psychiatrist care of the local CAMHS team with a suspected diagnosis of post traumatic stress disorder & drug induced psychosis.
He has been 'off-key' since he was about 4 yrs old & has had various low key interventions from school based anger management etc since age about 9. He finally got CAMHS referral when he seriously assaulted another pupil about 18 months ago.
My partner is away 3 out of 4 weeks and this wont change for another year, so I am alone with 2 younger kids & am 6 months pg. This is relevant as DS1 has told psychiatrist & admitted to me that he hears voices telling him to harm people including me & his younger siblings.
The psychiatrist has told me to be vigilant re child protection & TBH I do worry a lot on the days (well nights really) when DS1 seems to be particularly unwell. At these times I dont sleep until I know he has gone to bed & seems settled; this isnt until 3am some nights.
Basically DS1 has been 'on one' today since returning from school & there has been an argument between DS1 & DC2 tonight. I have intervened as DS1 apparantly was squaring up to DC2 (age 11) and then threw DC3's games console on the floor.
Usually DS1 will listen to me even if he is hostile but tonight he refused & wouldnt leave the playroom to go to his room to calm down; he ended up walking out of the house & has not returned yet which is another boundary challenge in itself as he has a strict 9pm curfew on school nights. I haven't checked if he is in the shed or near the house which is where he goes if he is locked out when he gets back home before me; I feel a bit wary of approaching him TBH.
I called BIL but he is working tonight otherwise he would have collected DS1 & had him stay there; DS1 will listen to larger males.
I have called duty social work team as per what is on his CAHMS care plan & am waiting for a call back. Feel so empty with it all.
Sorry this is so long but I wanted to get it of my chest & feel better for doing so already.

I don't think drugs are necessarily the answer.Possibly "talking therapy", but there is a huge shortage of therapists due to mental health issues being a "cinderella service". I had to wait 20 years to get help for myself.. it just wasn't available.. these days the situation is even more dire. I called social services a few years ago because I could no longer cope with my son, they did absolutely nothing... That's the only reason I've said that we can't expect help from outside agencies.

Kibbutz am sure means well, and does speak some truth.......in that there is no help out there really ( am finding that out this week, resources are low, budgets cut right down etc)) no magic wand etc

I might be offered family intervention, tho told not severe enough really. This won't help you op. I think medication is way to go based on what you have said. What do school do with him when he's violent? How do they manage him?

I only got ss intervention because of the link with police callouts really. 6 incidents in 6 weeks.......and violence aimed at my other dc. I called them x3,school referred x2.

Keep calling them

No chippingin, but this is a public forum, and sometimes just saying "oh how awful for you" doesn't actually serve any purpose.

kibbutz - and saying you wont get any help I didn't. I have problems. You need to take responsibility. You just need to love him. Is? Changing has already said she cannot engage with you over this - why can't you respect that?

Hope it's quietened down a bit op...... Is all ok??

Sorry, just seen this is in mental health. I'm used to rambling on about all this in teens section.

Why can't you respect other people's opinions? We all come from life experience, which is all valid (or should be)

hopefully by the end of the year partner will be here permanently. He is very patient & understanding with DS but also is a big guy himself (bit of a gentle giant) so DS can't tower over him like he can with the rest of us.

Anyway he's been quiet in there for a while now which is a good sign that he is calming down. I called the duty worker back & he was very understanding, I explained that DS has come back home now & I am OK to sit up & see that he gets off to bed OK.

SW was very good and said that if I do need some help tonight, ie if the situation flares up then I can get back in touch with him. I feel reassured with this as I know that safety comes first & calling the police is essential sometimes but I would rather see a mental health professional attend.

Anyway hopefully that wont be happening tonight now but I am going to contact CAMHS 1st thing to see if they can advise me on what else can be done; he has weekly CAMHS & is due an appt last thing tomorrow anyway. Maybe he will feel able to tell them whats going on for him at the moment & they will be able to help him deal with it as he's not having a good week at all.

Thanks so much for the support, thankfully I have never before had to post here in crisis but it has been very reassuring to hear advice from people away from the situation.

Am off to make a coffee & work my way through a boxed set of DVDs until DS1 heads off to bed, good night all.

IloveTiffany- I wasn't sure whether to post in teenagers, child health or here anyway!

Changing - I'm glad he's calmed down. I hope he goes off to sleep soon so that you can get some too. It's good you can contact the SW if he does kick off. It's good to know the police are there if you really need them, but the SW would be better if they can get there quickly enough.

I hope you get some help through CAMHS/anyone else

You feel so sorry for him don't you - you just want to get rid of all of his demons and make life easier for him :( (and all of you).

I wish you lots & lots of luck in getting some solutions soon x

Changingname, glad things were quieter by half midnight. Hope they stayed that way.

I know I live in a bubble, but am shocked at the lack of sleep you get and that you really have to function as a single parent so much of the time with two other children who must have heightened needs because of their older brother.

Add to that you are pregnant! There does come a time when loving you child (as it is obvious you do) when you have to say enough is enough and accept that you might not be able to do everything in the way you'd love to.

This may mean accepting medication for your son, for him to have extra help away from the home etc. I don't know the answer but it would seem that you are being super woman at the moment and that is not healthy

I think what I am trying to say is don't feel guilty if you can't always put his needs first - you have some too so that you can cope!

Changingname how are things this morning.

I have to disagree with another opinion that was stated by another poster i.e. "There is also a very thin line between psychotic illness and a child needing attention and support..."

Also the comment that possibly talking therapy rather than drugs being the best treatment.

Unfortunately if someone is in the acute phase of a psychotic illness then medication may well be the most appropriate action initially. With the best of attentions even the best therapist cannot do meaningful work with someone who is so distracted by auditory hallucinations.

btw I am a mental health nurse and although I don't specialise in children and adolescents we do see a fair number of dcs 16+ as we are a crisis team, so although my advice may not be 100% useful I do have some (15 years) experience.

Sometimes it is helpful to get "personal" perspectives from other posters of course, but other times not so much if they are of the opinion that everyone must feel the same/behave the same.

Obviously once his mental state is more stable then talking therapy/family intervention may well be a realistic and helpful option.

wishing you strength and wisdom. It is clear from your posts that you love your son and indeed your other children. Hope you manage a rest today and some advice/help from CAMHS

All I was saying was that the OP's son has "suspected" psychosis and PTSD... if indeed it turns out to be "something else" surely pumping him with medication may not be the right answer? In fact it could actually exacerbate his issues? I also wonder why they have not suggested family therapy... this creates an environment where the child feels "safe" to express themselves with the parent present..

Hi, thanks again for taking the time to post I really do appreciate all of your kindness.

DS1 has stayed in his room all day, spoke to him through his door he still seemed very hostile. He has never refused to go to school or truanted so I didn't push him to go as it was apparant that he isn't well enough.

I spoke to his CPN & his worker at the early intervention team & explained that I have never seen him look so tormented as last night & I thought he needed a mental state assesment asap rather than leave it until his regular 4pm appointment tonight where it might be to late to get him any extra help until Monday. They assured me that they wouldn't leave him in need of anything over the weekend regardless of what time they see him today.

basically he has stayed in his room all day, not eaten. He only came down at 4pm to see his worker and seemed very flat & preoccupied but not hostile anymore.

After his session the worker asked to see me & she told me that she agrees that his mental state has deteriorated, also that he confided in her that the voice has been goading him to kill himself now as well as harm others. She said that I did the right thing by calling duty SW last night but if he goes missing again I need to 999.

She is liasing with the weekend mental health team who will come & see him at home tomorrow & on sunday & they will also phone to check how things are going.

On Monday she will take DS to psychiatrist & hopefully he can start on some medication.

The worker says she feels it is important to let DS carry out his plans to meet with a supportive friend tonight as she feels he will lose all trust with services & myself if I keep him in....am not convinced. TBH my mothers instinct just wants to keep him safe & if that means medication & him sleeping in his room all weekend then I wouldnt complain- at least I know he is free from physical harm. But I know that the friend he is seeing does have a good calming influence & the worker feels confident that it will do DS good to see his friend out of the house.

The worker said she will keep her phone on all weekend & if I need to call GP out for medication, possibly a bit of diazepam or something she will speak to GP to request this.

On the positive side DS is sitting in the dining room (open plan so he is almost in the same room as the rest of us!) reading a magazine (I know he cant concentrate on reading when the voices are bad) & is going to have some dinner. Small things I know but I am glad he is coming back to us a bit & talking about how he feels to someone.

Oh I'm glad things are stable for you. Hope it all goes to plan and you have a calm weekend.

Im so glad things have been put in place to support you over the weekend. And the worker does sound genuinely engaged and doing all the right things.
Hope the supportive friend helps a little.

(ps. for what its worth - and i know it isnt much when you are dealing with so much - i think you are doing an incredible job. You love and concern for your son and your other children shines through.)

Changey - that's all really good. At least they are taking you seriously and putting things in place and not just saying, 'No - he's OK - nothing we can do'.

I hope the time out with his friend goes well tonight - is he getting picked up and dropped home or what? Where are they going?

Thanks guys, his friend from round the corner is calling for him & they are going to the local rec area by school. Am still battling myself to let him go but worker seems to have a good connection with him and she said she feels keeping him in will make things worse & it is important to support him in doing the things that he normally does. The practical side of me agrees but my heart doesn't. I sort of wish she had said to keep him in (or at least not told DS that he was OK to go out)as I felt a bit outnumbered & like I can't stop him anyway.

Even when I'm typing that I know it sounds lame , think I am just a bit tired & am doubting everything including my own judgement.

I told DS that as he hasnt been well we would all like to keep closer contact with him so he agreed to make sure he keeps his phone on & I will text him to keep in contact.

OMG changey - it does not sound lame! Not at all! I would have wanted the same as you, at the very least, I would probably have been hoping they'd given him the drugs to make him very tired and sleepy all weekend!

It's crappy that you feel 'outnumbered' too. However, they do seem willing to be at the end of the phone this weekend, so hopefully if it doesn't go to plan there will be some help available.

I don't think that there is anything wrong with your judgement, nor hers, just two different and equally valid opinions...

It's good he agreed without kicking off.

Has he agreed a time to be home?

When is DP next home for a weekend??

Ooh, is he with early intervention?

They are good :) They kind of bring all the services together and you get one person who kind of sorts it all out and gets to know you, and sits in on appointments so you feel more comfortable. They have people who can help with family issues (with us it was basically making sure my kids weren't being affected, but I suppose it works the other way for younger people) and they have their own CBT people so you get to see someone straight away instead of waiting for ages, and they arrange the physical tests (blood etc) that you might need if you are on certain drugs. They have doctors who can come to your house and prescribe stuff there and then if needed, and they can come out as much or as little as you need.

EIT rule :)

On the other hand, if he is with EIT, he would have had to be pretty ill to get on their list. Please use everything they offer. They exist to give intensive support so he can get better and not have relapses.

Please ignore anyone telling you this is a "not enough love" issue. That is utter, dangerous, nonsense. This isn't staying out a bit late or having the odd spliff.

Butterpieify, I bow to your obvious wisdom in this situation... you SO have it all sussed!! It makes me laugh that you all seem to know what's best.. and people who have a different "take" on things are told that they don't know what they're talking about :( Smacks of superiority over experience!

agree with butterpiefy :) I meant to ask yesterday if EIT were involved at all.

In some areas of the country mental health services are very good (I speak from experience) it's awful that the NHS varies so much from area to area and other people don't have a great experience or find them difficult to access.

Ime if EIT are involved they will support you and your ds and look at the family as a whole.

Hope you manage to get some rest this weekend op.

Kibbutz - is there any chance you could move to another thread because you are muddying the waters here quite unnecessarily and detracting from all the helpful, rational posts. The GP thinks this young man has a psychotic illness and luckily there is a mental health nurse on here giving advice.

Your interventions are unhelpful, inappropriate and irritating, and I'm glad most people including the OP are ignoring your posts. There are loads of other threads you could go on and leave this one alone.

So sue me.. but in the meantime, mind your own business.