Why does everyone think I'm strong when I'm not?!

[NotaStrongWoman]

I've got quite a lot on my plate. I seem to juggle lots of problems whilst keeping a smile on my face. I try not to go on about everything but naturally my problems come up in conversation. I never bring things up myself and always ask how other people are first and offer support etc.

However, everyone thinks I'm really strong and in control. A teacher recently said to me that I must be a strong woman to cope with everything I do. It really choked me and all I could reply was that I wasn't always and walked away before she realised I was choked.

How do I let my friends know that I'm not strong really? That sometimes I feel like I can't cope and just want a day off? I'm not the sort of person who cries in front of other people and I'm not actually depressed, so part of me thinks 'what on earth am I complaining about'? It's just that I think I'd like someone to call me up and say 'Hi, how are you? How are you really?' I think some people resent me for the fact that I DO cope, if that's possible.

Sorry for the rant. Just needed to let off steam tonight.

Sorry, it will probably take you a while to realise this, but I'm afraid it means you are strong. You come across as strong on the surface, and underneath you are probably struggling, but this shows you are human. And you are allowed to cope. Should cope, but are allowed to have feelings too.

Does this make sense? Going through a lot of shit here too, so I may understand some of it.

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Maybe. Are you 'strong' sleepy? Can I help?

Thanks Dior. I've always used MN for general parenting advice etc and never bared my soul. Maybe it's time I do a little. Thus the change in name - although it's taking me a while to get the hang of swapping it and am paranoid I'll slip up!

PS My best friend has stopped asking how I am. I think she's worried I'll give her an honest answer one day

The problem is, because you clearly are strong, the people in your life now expect this of you. Even strong people need help sometimes, but others find it umcomfortable.

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We all need someone to offload on, don't we? I feel that is why there are so many personal problems in the world right now and so many people goig off the rails in one way or another, because not all of us have someone with whom we don't have to pretend.

Thanks everyone. so, how do YOU manage then? Do I just have to accept that it is my lot and carry on as usual? Is there something I should do or say different?

I sent a text to a friend last week saying I was a bit fed up about something and suggested we get together as I'd like a chat. she replied straight away saying that we should get together soon and she'd let me know when she was free (busy working girl no kids - and I'm a SAHM).I'm still waiting...

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blueteddy - no not really. I met someone at the park today who I know quite well but hadn't seen for a while. I managed quite rationally to go through everything. She kindly did the 'you know you can call me if you ever need to chat' thing, but I don't think I ever could.

Blueteddy - our messages crossed! I was shocked to see mine saying No not really above your can we help at all sorry!!

It seems I am not alone here in feeling like this. Do we need a 'Brave face, but crumbling under the surface club'?

How can we support each other?

It can help to talk on Mumsnet about what is bothering you, although I still yearn for a face to face talk myself.

I think there are a few of us like you NASW. I usually do my ranting when i need to on here tbh so that i dont show a weaker side to the outside world IYSWIM.

Us MNers are happy to listen to you baring your soul any time. I know you dont know me but please feel you can CAT me if you want to with someone not so close to your "normal" life.

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Trouble is, if I started going in to details here some of my friends would know its me as they use MN too. That's why I've always kept it 'safe' just like RL. aagh!!

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Thanks QueenV that is So kind. My biggest stress at this particular point is that I've sat here for an hour now with a coffee and a packet of biscuits when I should have been ironing...

I went to a hypnotist and she gave me a really good coping strategy to employ on those rare occasions where I really do feel vulnerable and unsupported.

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NASW, would it be so awful if people knew these things about you? Maybe it would, but I am sometimes amazed when people on MN say I had to change my name afor this as I am so ashamed/embarrassed etc and then go on to reveal things that only show they are human. I took ages to tell MN I have a phobia about vomit (and never told anyone about it in RL apart from dh and one or two close friends) yet now, I am quite open about it on MN. I know some people must think me odd, but I know I am just different to some people. We are all different in some ways and all the same in others. Are your secrets really so terrible they have to be kept?

Oh, and one of my prime coping strategies involves never ironing.

That's what I love about you Lonleymum. You are who you are.

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