Do you ever fantasise about running away?

[BirdFromDaNorf]

Is it just me, or do other people fantasise about running away? I'm the breadwinner in our house, self employed, working my nuts off to make enough to keep us going, DH is kind, loving, a nice bloke, but has no balls when it comes to standing up to MIL who is manipulative and downright evil.

I've posted before about MIL ishoos, but really, she's not going to change, nor is my husband, so the only thing I can do is change me.

It messes with my head so much every time we have something come up with her. I'm on 20 mg daily of citalopram for depression and anxiety, as a result of getting the business up and running when DH was made redundant. And couldn't deal with the things that were coming up with in laws without feeling like it was end of the world.

Can't avoid them, as we live next door to them. Thankfully we're not adjoining, but I just want to run away from everyone. Including my lovely husband and boys.

I think I'd miss them and them me, but I have a strong urge to just pack a bag and leave. I think it would feel better after a while. To not have constant battles with them. And to feel like my DH is in the middle. To let them see what life would be like without me. I don't feel suicidal. Just like I want to hide. I can't change other people, so I need to avoid them. And to do that, I'll be giving up my DH and two lovely boys. I can't cope with any more crap, I just want some peace and quiet..

Do you ever feel like your head will explode soon? Like you just want to scream and scream and scream? Hope it's not just me...

Yes, I sometimes feel like that....would it be any better if you weren't next door to the Outlaws? May not be feasible...

All the time! You're not alone!

Yes, all the time

On nights like this, when they're all kicking off and I'm just feeling fucked off (chews Nicorette gum fiercely), I actually go so far as to pretend I'm going on holiday and trawl the net looking at get aways.

All the time- think it is normal...

Not so much running away as inventing a time machine and being 19 again.

Expat - I have looked at imaginary holidays too. Even watching a programme set in a sunny climate can cheer me up.

I think everyone feels like that from time to time, but sounds like you could do with some to yourself.

Do you get any evenings out doing something for yourself?

I'm with crack fox

Yes, all the time (pity how much CCTV there is around nowadays).

Youth hostels are cheap...

yup - family stresses, constant house maintenance/cooking/wiping, plus full time work, plus allotment etc...but I'd take my lovely DP and gorgeous DP - it's the other crap that makes it all so hard

I would stay in a youth hostel, near a beach, someplace hot.

I'd have no responsibilities, no wiping of anyone elses arse, no questions to answer, no work to do. Bliss.

In reality I am fairly sure I'd miss my family too much.

I've done it once

Just walked never to come back

Then started thinking about a high bridge and text a friend who eventually found me and sorted me out.

Was very ill with PTSD and felt no use to anyone.

Not that far off it right now.

I do that time machine thing too and go back to being 18 0r 19. It's quite sad really to contemplate how many things I would change...

I actually don't think about running away though. I had the single no kids lifestyle for so long and it was great while it lasted but don't miss it at all...

So pleased I'm not on my own on this one. Thank you for replying. I waited to see if anyone came along, and as no one did for a while I ended up watching Juno. That made me feel better

I think a lot about the time machine thing too.

I think I could really do with some time on my own, some peace and quiet, but it's not going to happen... Stuff to think about, to plan for...

Hmmm. Cheers.

a retreat for a week sounds in order

I (weirdly) fantasize about living alone on one of those mad islands in the Hebrides...me, one cat, my laptop, the weather and a lot of books.

I know I would love it for a week.

yes often,to barbados usually,still dreaming.

All the time.

I'm sure DH & the children would be happier without my depressive self dragging them down. They wouldn't have to tiptoe around me and my 2yo wouldn't have to always ask me "Mummy, happy or sad?"

I can, in my rational moments, realise this is PND and I am really very lucky. These are getting fewer and farther between though.

OP can you get away for a bit? Do you employ any staff who could take the reins for a bit? If you are the boss, can you arrange a little "business trip"?

When you say "make them see what life is like without me", that really resonates with me.

Likewise when you say "the only thing I can do is change me."
I have recently thought I am the only one responsible for my own happiness and shouldn't rely on DH to provide that. I wish I was self sufficient, but I work PT. I don't know how to do something for ME. I want to join an exercise class, but I have no time to do so.

All the time. So much so that I have loads of books & maps of places that I want to run to. New Zealand was the latest.

I thought it was just me who did this.

Yes I do too,count me in.Mornings are WORSE x

Yep, although have ended up in hospital when I have tried to do this, or caught by police, which makes me feel more trapped. Thing is, I think that when i get to the state of running away, i think i must look mad, because if people see me they know and call police.

Oh yes. I would have a little flat to myself and it would be immaculate and warm and I would read books and get loads of sleep.