Do you ever fantasise about running away?

[BirdFromDaNorf]

Is it just me, or do other people fantasise about running away? I'm the breadwinner in our house, self employed, working my nuts off to make enough to keep us going, DH is kind, loving, a nice bloke, but has no balls when it comes to standing up to MIL who is manipulative and downright evil.

I've posted before about MIL ishoos, but really, she's not going to change, nor is my husband, so the only thing I can do is change me.

It messes with my head so much every time we have something come up with her. I'm on 20 mg daily of citalopram for depression and anxiety, as a result of getting the business up and running when DH was made redundant. And couldn't deal with the things that were coming up with in laws without feeling like it was end of the world.

Can't avoid them, as we live next door to them. Thankfully we're not adjoining, but I just want to run away from everyone. Including my lovely husband and boys.

I think I'd miss them and them me, but I have a strong urge to just pack a bag and leave. I think it would feel better after a while. To not have constant battles with them. And to feel like my DH is in the middle. To let them see what life would be like without me. I don't feel suicidal. Just like I want to hide. I can't change other people, so I need to avoid them. And to do that, I'll be giving up my DH and two lovely boys. I can't cope with any more crap, I just want some peace and quiet..

Do you ever feel like your head will explode soon? Like you just want to scream and scream and scream? Hope it's not just me...

me too, all the time. have actually done it 3 times, the first time, just stayed out overnight in my car, then went back. the second i went to ireland for a week (the furthest place i could go by train that night!). the third time i was away for four months, though was in contact with family. i still don't live back with them now, my kids need someone more stable than me.

i live on my own, but see them often (they're teenagers). i really wish that they had a more stable mum but i'm not and any effort to make myself into that just results in uncontrollable running.

at least this way they see me regularly, and aren't regularly plunged into despair when i leave.

not all of us are cut out to be parents. or have the tenacity to see it through to the end. i know i have mental health issues, but luckily have managed to steer clear of the authorities. my youngest is 14, i'm just trying to hang on in there in some sort of semblance of functionality until she's 16. but i'm sure i've damaged them anyway.
wish more people talked about these feelings, for me its so uncontrollable. and the peace i feel when i'm actually on that train etc, is indescribable. beautiful.
x