Thanks Keziah. I feel so sick for you that the system you're asking to work with has made you doubt yourself & left you totally unsupported in any Mner's nightmare situation .
The personal & unprofessional criticism you experienced in the meeting IS NOT UNUSUAL ,& you will find others who have been sent away like this, but is deeply shaming for us because those without such eperiences think the professionals are explaining our self sabotage etc to us and pushing us towards clarity & progress. If only...
Your situation, both for your emotional health & unfortunately your IVF chances, is distressingly urgent after your long periods of trying to get help . You so need the support of others who know very well that totally unfair & mistaken decisions based on VERY basic factual innacuracies, & often prejudices, are regularly made about such serious issues - many MH and primary care professionals feel strongly that that's so, and, like my then GP practice, will openly admit that they'd tried to keep your treatment within the practice as in their experience the CMHT seem "always" to misunderstand their clients and cause harm (and they didn't mean painful but therapeutic work!)
Even after my experiences I feel strongly that there is decent advice and advocacy available for you - workers in the field who will be keen to see you have the correct process - and I'm still racking my brains over the best ones you could try, bearing in mind your very sensible wariness of legal avenues and the fact that you feel very fragile after this long process, and it would be unwise to emphasise this. Those who've already given good advise on this thread may be able to think of other organisations.
As you kindly ask, Keziah, I only "beat" the NHS in that I was " allowed " as the team put it to walk away from the assessment I had begged for so long ...I was not psychotic and would have accepted inpatient treatment if they had had the basic facts about me right and allowed me some control over medication, just some.. The whole story is far "worse" & more unprofessional than that and I have been harmed, but that is not unusual . I know it sounds utterly far- fetched, but this issue is shrouded in shame and fear. No, I haven't received any NHS treatment in the years since & we couldn't afford private...BUT as I wasn't able to work at the time, I had breathing space, & with my DH's total support I was able to "step back" from family & the outside world to take stock of my abuse / MH issues and recognise what was healthy for me,which unfortunately is sometimes the only thing that works. Ironically I then had a severe MS relapse which caused a huge easing of my anxiety and depression - different areas of the brain are affected, & as I also experience masking of physical pain with this condition,the mental relief seems logical to me. (btw, the MS symptoms I had been hospitalized with previously were openly mocked by the MH team as anxiety -professional eh - but not so unusual). I only came through it because of my very open minded DH.
Incredibly sorry to rant but I didn't want to stress you by asking to PM you . I will step back now but may creep back if I come up with organisations who might advise you, if that's OK? I know I'm only now able to start approaching GP / basic benefits advice after the loss of confidence the MH services caused us, and my DH is the same, so I can imagine how demoralised you must be atm. There will be setbacks to your mental health if you reach out for advice, so it's not a clear cut situation...in my own less painful situation ,only hindsight has given me the woolly sounding sense that all worked out for the best, but it has, very much so, and I wish the same for you.
(Apologies for my rudeness about some SWs in my previous post. Have come across very committed old school, independent - thinking types too).