If you had PND with the first, did you have it with the second?

[jabberwocky]

Still doing my research for a possible second pregnancy. Had a long talk/row with dh yesterday. He is still so traumatised by the PND I had with ds I don't know that he'll ever agree to a second child. I did suggest that he get involved with a study I saw on the birth trauma association website and he is actually doing it! So, maybe something will come from that.

Any stories good or bad would be greatly appreciated.

nope, not wiht second or third. Was a lot easier second time around, as it wasn't such a huge impact as the first was.

That's encouraging. How long did it last when you had it?

I had with first, but not with second. Can't post at length now, as have to collect dd from nursery, but will post later today with my story, in case it may help. Or you could search for PND under my nickname.

JW - 2nd time around I made sure the HV/GP/MW all knew that I was scared and worried. It was taken very seriously and the GP explained that I could be started on a low does AD in the last weeks of pregnancy just to give me a good sound base for the hormone surges after birth. By 32wks I was so anxious that he prescribed them, but I only took a couple (side-effects meant I couldn't work and I needed to). But I felt much more relaxed knowing that help would be at hand. I knew I would NOT let it beat me again and not hide it like a shameful secret.

I got leaflets and read them out to my DH, my Mum and some close friends to educate them about PND. So they could spot the signs too and be better support to me should it have punched me in the gut again!

And... postnatally the HV came around every day until I was ready, just to see me and chat and help me with relaxation techniques to cope with any potential panic attacks.

And PND did not return.

I've actually been thinking of going back into therapy beforehand. My previous therapist didn't have children, so even though I really liked her, I couldn't see how she would be able to really get it IYKWIM.

i had it for about a year after first, it took a while before I really felt normal, as I didn't get on with anti depresents. i was ont he watch out for it second time, but was fine, jsut felt a bit overwhelmed a times, but nothign liek the first. The third time, I have ben stressed at times, but I haven't had anythign liek I did first tiem around. i've found i al a lot more manageable since then. First tiem it was such a big upheavel, adn i wasn't expecting it. Next time I was mroe prepared, both for baby and the hormones.

sorry about typos - baby on lap.

JW - I harp on about this all the time on MN, but I really believe that preparation and knowledge can help SO much toward stopping PND or just reducing the length of time and severity of your condition.

Toward the end of pregnancy alot of the hormones that may contribute toward causing PND are there so its a good time to go to the GP and say "right, what can we do to reduce the chances". With a mixture of AD's if you need them, therapy and just knowing that you won't be dropped like a hot potato whenever you are discharged from hospital really can help! I accepted that I was more vulnerable as I'd suffered before.... and I accepted that the medical staff would be keeping a close eye on me. It felt like a big brother watching out for me.... like a comfort zone and it made me feel safer.

Do you have a local HV who could talk to you about what would be done differently in your pregnancy and postnatally?

Mine lasted about 14 months. Dh just keeps bringing up how scared and alone he felt during that time. Did your dh seem traumatised by it too?

toothache, I have made an appointment with my wonderful OB to talk about it, but I can't get in until November . I'm also not sure that he is on staff at any other hospitals and I really don't feel that I could deliver at the same one, so I'm a bit anxious about possibly having to find another dr.

Oh, and we don't have HV's in the US which I think is such a shame.

HW - ds was 18mths old before I went to the GP! It was awful.... I'd been suicidal many times and cried hysterically most days (the other days I just didn't care about anything).

DH was hopeless! I suppose I resent him for not coping... he treated my PND like something I was doing deliberately to hurt him and ds. We are slowly getting over that.
When dd came along (14mths ago) our relationship suffered coz he just kept expecting me to fall apart! It wasn't until dd was a few months old that he realised it really was fine this time.

I think that is a huge concern of dh's as well. He keeps talking about how he was afraid to leave me alone with ds because of all the stories he had heard of women with PND who hurt their babies. I have to admit, I worried about this as well for a time. It just seems that he can't get past it, and I have the feeling that another (hopefully positive) experience would help me and our entire family to move on. Plus, we had originally wanted two children and now I can't resign myself to having an only child.

JW - Don't let it stop you having another baby. Just remember and remind DH that you recovered and it doesn't have to be the same the 2nd time!! Just organise more support for IF you plummet again.

I felt I almost had to prove to myself and others that I could be a normal happy mum! But I didn't pin all my hopes on it. Be realistic and don't put huge pressures on yourself.

Just prepare for the worst and think "well if it happens again then I'm ready for it and it will be dealt with quickly!!!!"

Thank you so much. That's what I told dh yesterday. So many things went wrong that I just want to be able to have a baby and really bond, bf (ds weaned very early and I had to express for the rest of the year) and enjoy my baby. Ds's first year is just one horrible blur.

JW - breastfeeding failing was a huge contributing factor my depression. I gave up when he was a week old....3 days later I slumped and didn't recover for 18mths.

Just don't set yourself strict goals except to get help/support the minute you feel like you're slipping again!!!
Don't beat yourself up about it..... that was amazing achievement to express for a whole year, you should be very proud of yourself!

I told dh just yesterday how badly I felt about the bf failure. He never knew, as it turns out. I still have to try to stay away from the breast/bottle threads as I get so agitated reading them.

JW - We put so much unecessary pressure on ourselves! Why do we do it????? We make OURSELVES feel ashamed and incapable.

Better to have a wellfed baby (regardless of how you feed) and a Mum who isn't a crumbling wreck!
With baby No2 just remember..... you and your babies happiness is paramount to anything else.

I learned with my 2nd that it didn't really matter if a visitor came round and I was still in my PJ's..... or if the place hadn't been hoovered for 3 days.

On the grand scale of things SO WHAT? Just concentrate on savouring every delicious moment of babyhood.... coz they can be wonderful (still hard work though).

I know, it's hard to imagine before having a child how you can love someone so much.

Yes, and until you suffer from PND.... its hard to imagine how having something you love so much can make you so unhappy!

That is so true. I don't think I really bonded with him until after I had recovered somewhat (and he was 14 months old by then!) I felt so guilty at not being instantly in love with my baby.

I've done a search and found some of the threads about PND to which I have contributed. There's probably a lot of repetition, but there's a lot of discussion about PND, coping, recovery, prevention and so on.

After I came through my PND and we were discussing whether and when to ttc no2, dh admitted that he felt he had failed me in some way and that there must have been something he could have done to prevent the PND, and that maybe he had done something that had caused it. Obviously not true!

What finally decided us to go ahead was the 'forewarned is forearmed' attitude, and the fact that we both wanted more than one child, and there was only one realistic way to go ahead and achieve our dream!

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HTH, and I'm happy to talk as well as point you at other threads!

Thank you so much! Will definitely read through these.

Your posts are a comfort to read toothace, I will not have any more children, have even asked dp to have a vascetomy as the thought of having PND again terrfies me.

Please don't let pnd affect your choices. Had it BAD with no.1 and no.2 was a totally different experience. please do it for you and forget any negative feedback. it does go away.