Dissociation/Depersonalisation - Help

[BookcaseFullofBooks]

Is there anyone here who understands this illness?
I have. Diagnosis of Primary Depersonalisation Disorder but can't seem to get any help for it.

Every psychiatrist I see, I spend ages trying to convince them that this is the problem yet they continue to treat me for depression.

They are convinced that it is a feature of depression, which I know it can be, but antidepressants don't help at all. I get depressed because of the dissociation, not the other way round.

I am feeling so desperate about this that if it continues, I don't want to live. I don't know if this makes any sense but I'm not getting the right help and I need some support.

Hi QoW. I'm glad to hear that EMDR has helped you. I'm hoping to hear about an appointment soon, but tend to expect too much from these things without putting enough effort in myself.

I'm glad you're getting helpful dreams Grace. You always come across in your posts as very proactive in the way you deal with issues.

The mindfullness isn't going great, in that I haven't been doing it . I'm always so apathetic about helping myself. That worries me because, without helping myself, how can I ever hope to get better.
As it is I don't eat or drink enough, unless my stomach screams at me or my mouth is as dry as a desert.

I want so much out of life when I'm curled up in bed but am paralysed by inaction.

Bookend - sorry your complaint ongoing... although mine over, I have not benefitted at all so was lot of stress that hopefully helps others!

How have I managed? Probably not well, but from the bit of help I had before (not much) I hung onto and had to actually use. Have had to use self soothing techniques lots, distraction techniques and admit to dh more that I not coping. I was diagnosed with Complex PTSD until my psychiatrist decided as it wasn't in the dsm or icd lists of illnesses I couldn't have it! Sorry - not very helpful for you, I will try and think about what has really helped and post more helpfully.

Oh - grounding techniques, do you use those?

Thank you Keziah. They don't make the complaints process easy do they. That's terrible to hear about your psychiatrist. Ridiculous! It isn't very well recognised in the UK but is becoming more so.

I'm not familiar with any grounding techniques but would be interested to hear about them.

Bookcase I love singing too - and playing guitar to accompany myself - it helps me too, makes me feel alive.

In fact now I've finished counselling I've hired a vocal coach for 10 sessions to work on my breathing and voice use and hopefully that will help me make some more progress.

Ok, grounding techniques is what I found most helpful, will think about how to write it down to you - then you can ask someone professional to teach you those skills - so will post later!

also meditainment.com has some great resources - at first they will feel wierd, but when you use them for a while, they really really reset your thinking... see what you think..

That sounds great madmouse. It makes a huge difference to the sound when you have the right technique. I hope you enjoy it.

Thank you again Keziah.

Just wanted to mention how much I appreciate everyone sharing their stories on here. It really has helped.

bookcase- i pm-ed you x

see- you're not alone, it's more common than you think and not at all insurmountable... you do need to find ways of being proactive but initially make your goals very small and work up to things, otherwise it's overwhelming.

eg day 1 make a list of poss things that might help

day 2 look at list and highlight ones that appeal the most

day 3 pick one thing to try first

day 4 research your first choice on the internet

day 5 speak to someon close to you about it and ask for their support in starting this new thing

i'm not saying to do it exactly like that but if you break it up, it makes it more achievable. plus it's easier to fit it in with looking after the baby.

You made a really important point there, blinks.

When I began doing mindfulness stuff, I spent a therapy session talking over what I felt I could start with, a week getting round to it ... then went to the park and chose ONE LEAF to really touch, hold, smell and observe!

I still do leaves when I'm really losing it.

I do need to make alot more effort than I am at the moment and that sounds like really good advice blinks and Grace.

I started on the Prozac last night so I'm hoping I will feel more motivated in a few weeks.

Great about the Prozac, Bookcase, well done. It might make you feel jumpy for a week or so, but bear with it.

You don't need to make a "a lot" more effort, my love. A tiny bit, once a day, is a good start! One of the hardest things for me is learning that I am an ongoing project - and worth an amount of gentlesness & care (for myself, by myself).

A lifetime of criticism leaves you feeling that everything you do is somehow wrong (so why bother), your self-worth depends on someone else's evaluation, and life must be all or nothing. Whereas a little something, for yourself only, for your good, is what makes people feel happy & contented :)

It takes a while (ages, in fact, if you're like me!) for it to stop feeling really odd to do stuff gradually and forgivingly. It's a lot nicer, though.

I do worry that time is running out though Grace. I think if I had hope that things will be different one day then I might be easier on myself, but I don't.

You know, I'm really struck by the irony that I'm trying to help someone on another thread while simultaneously declaring that I'm a mess myself!

Heh, I know!! I worried for ages about whether I was answering other people's problems as a way of avoiding my own. It finally clicked that the threads I choose to answer are a way of exploring my own issues (I just hadn't reaslised how many of them I had!!) Additionally, other people's take on the same issue often give me a new perspective or inishgt. Sometimes it's just a matter of the words they use, sometimes they open a whole new window for me.

It's nice to get the validation, too, isn't it?

Time is not running out - at least, not very fast. Things are different now for you, aren't they? You're in a good place to start, very gently, learning to be easier on yourself. And you will.

whoops, thoughts going faster than fingers

Tonight, as I was giving dd her bedtime massage, I really worked on connecting with her and feeling her little fingers and toes. The good sensation of the here and now was so brief but at least it was there I guess.

That's lovely :) Lucky DD.

bookcase - it starts with moment and to an extend it's called 'being in the moment' for a reason. it sounds great x

Been feeling so frustrated about this today. It feels so unfair that my family messed me up yet I'm having to do all the work to fix it :( :(

Oh Bookcase, I know that feeling. Sympathies.

But you can look at it the other way round: they are all happy to stay in denial, which inevitably involves projecting all the crap onto other people. You are taking the courageous route, which is to face up to what was done to you (tough), recognise the ways in which it influences the ways you react and behave today (even tougher) and make a conscious decision to move away from that and have a different kind of life (tougher still).

So in that view, although it is unfair that you have to do the work while they remain in blissful ignorance, you are the one who has the satisfaction that comes from rising above their limitations and making a better kind of life for yourself and your child/ren. Which is sometimes the hardest thing in the world, particularly as it throws into focus all the things that we didn't get ourselves. But which also gives an immense amount of pride and dignity, and makes you realise that actually, being an acceptably good parent is not that hard, and in any case repays you a thousandfold.

Hang in there. You're doing well. Baby massage is such a great place to start, it's one of those things I kind of always meant to do but never got round to. My oldest is 15 now, so it's possibly a little late to start. Luckly they don't seem to have held it against me, children are great like that.

Hope you feel better soon.

Bookcase I so know what you mean!

I tend to say 'At least he chose the bed he's lying in'

Thank you for responding Polly and madmouse.
I just don't think I can make all the effort needed to do things differently. All I want to do is be able to enjoy life, my DH and my brand new little baby but it's tainted by fear and sadness. I just can't fix it all.

Bookcase you can't fix it al but you can get better step by little step. You are doing baby massage. Fantastic, and enough to be getting on with for now.

If you start thinking you must fix it all you will get totally overwhelmed.

I know how frustrating it is - I have whined 'I just want to be better now' that many times I've lost count. But I'm mostly getting there and you will too xx

Hi there I know this is a old thread - are any of u still about ? I have PTSD with dissociation .iv had edmr and a book iv found mindfulness really helpful .i still have bad days buy I find a diary helps.it can be upsetting and frustrations when u don't know how u feel and u can feel quite lost .be nice to start the thread up again if any of u still on and want to chat x