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Mental health

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Original poster

DEPRESSED and need help urgently

60 replies

PinkiePoo · 16/09/2005 12:47

Hey guys,
I have a big problem. I am 5 weeks pregnant, i am only 22 and my boyfriend does not want it. We both agreed to terminate-sorry if this offends anyone- but we decided we are too young and have careers to persue. I have had my scan and having blood tests next week then will be able to take the tablet, but something in my heart is telling me not to do it and i am so confused. I actually love the feeling of having a little baby growing in me.
I feel really screwed up, but my boyfriend has told me he won't be able to stay with me if i keep it!

OP posts:

Aimsmum · 16/09/2005 12:49

Message withdrawn

Toothache · 16/09/2005 12:50

Pinkiepoo - If you are enjoying being pregnant then all I can say is don't do it! What kind of person is he to say he'll only stay with you if you get rid of your baby?! You will resent him forever.

I'm a good to talk eh?

Original poster

PinkiePoo · 16/09/2005 12:50

no i haven't but i think what can they help with? its me that can only decide. I feel so alone. I just keep picturing me taking the tablet and just watching it go from me and that hurts so much, can't stop crying

OP posts:

Nemo1977 · 16/09/2005 12:51

agree with aimsmum it sounds like you need to speak to a counsellor. Think the hospital usually offers one prior to termination to ensure your 100%. Also I know you are worried about your boyfriend leaving you but are you really guaranteed to stay together??????That may sound harsh but its just another point of view.

Katemum · 16/09/2005 12:51

If you make the decision to abort just to keep your boyfriend you may really regret the decision. This is really going to be a tough one and I agree that you need some counselling before you go ahead to make sure that this is right for you.

Marina · 16/09/2005 12:53

Agree with the others here. If he can place such pressure on you at such an emotionally charged time, then is he really right for you long-term? I hope you can speak to a counsellor before you feel you have to go through with the termination.

Aimsmum · 16/09/2005 12:53

Message withdrawn

Original poster

PinkiePoo · 16/09/2005 12:53

yeah i do need counselling i was just gonna have it after, but i don't wanna sound shallow i don't want to be a single mum and struggle to survive, can barley look after my self

OP posts:

Katemum · 16/09/2005 12:55

You do not sound shallow. It is a scary decision to make but either way it is you that has to live with that decision.

Original poster

PinkiePoo · 16/09/2005 12:56

i know he is only 19 and from a well bought up family, as am i, my head says one thing but my heart says another. Took a day off work today as i acn't bear talking to anyone!

OP posts:

munz · 16/09/2005 12:56

tbh for ur b/f to say that all i'll add different to the girls is I had a m/c with my first - the BF in question at the time (about 2 weeks after the event) said during an arguement "how do u expect me to feel knowing you've killed my child" be forwarned is all either way it's a big decision u need to feel happy with it - would you be willing to raise a child alone? have help b4 and after it. either way thou ur b/f is saying this now but beleive me if you do something u're not happy with now to please him u'll forever look back with the what ifs etc and resent him.

ultimatly it's ur choice thou. (((hugs)))

Katemum · 16/09/2005 12:58

What about your family? Would you get support from them?

Aimsmum · 16/09/2005 12:59

Message withdrawn

Original poster

PinkiePoo · 16/09/2005 12:59

my mum and dad would be furious but my sis said she would support me and i know my mum and dad would after the storm has died down. Just don't want people to think i have trapped him

OP posts:

munz · 16/09/2005 13:00

have you talked to ur mum or anything? they might be more supportive than you think.

(((hugs))) it's such a hard decision to make, but u need to be 100% sure first.

weesaidie · 16/09/2005 13:00

PinkiePoo - my boyfriend was exactly the same, it is me or the baby basically. In the end I chose to have my dd, as it was right for me. That is what you need to do, what is best for you, really?

Katemum · 16/09/2005 13:01

You are more important than him at the moment (sorry fellas). It is you that would be going through the termination or bringing up the child on your own, so I really think you need to concentrate on what would be right for you not him.

Toothache · 16/09/2005 13:02

Pinkiepoo - I'd go with my heart. Surely your family would also support you if you decided to keep the baby?

From your original post it sounds like you've already started to form an attachement with the 'baby'.

munz · 16/09/2005 13:02

honney I don't think ppl would say that - besides how could u trap someone who's not with u? or is the type of person to say out of 'duty' iycwim? in which case he might resent u, I think u need to think about all ur options incl being with him after a termination, with him with a child and without him with a child.

Original poster

PinkiePoo · 16/09/2005 13:03

its something that i have always looked forward to and i know its probably the size of a pea does'nt mean that its not real.

OP posts:

munz · 16/09/2005 13:09

oh honney ((((((((hugs))))) as TA say's I think u're forming an attachment already, in which case u have an even ahrder choice to make. (((hugs)))

I'd love to say go with ur heart, but pratical saide says head - not much help there is it??

Aimsmum · 16/09/2005 13:09

Message withdrawn

fimac1 · 16/09/2005 13:13

PinkiePoo

Having never been through this awful decision I am not really qualified to give advice, but just if you did go through with the termination it could cause problems between you and bf in the future - you could hold it against him, if you see what I mean

I never really wanted children and never felt broody - had them later on in life when biological clock finally started to tick - they are my life (dd and ds) Good luck and I hope you get some counselling - maybe bf should attend also? Your GP surgery should be able to help (or Family Planning clinic?)

ninah · 16/09/2005 13:14

ainsmum it is really good to hear a positive perspective on lone parenting.
Pinkie, I'd leave bf out of the equation and make the decision for yourself. I think in your shoes at 22 I would have gone ahead with termination as was not very pro children at that age but I know lots of people who make extremely good mothers, and happy ones. What are your hopes and ambitions in life? Please do decide for yourself. I wasted too much of my life trying to please other people (including boyfriends) when you must please yourself first of all to be happy.

Original poster

PinkiePoo · 16/09/2005 13:15

thanks for yor support guys and will def get help before its too late. Have to go now, gonna watch a good girly film to cheer myself up with a nice cuppa tea

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