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Original poster

Shit, really wish somebody couldy help me I can't do it today, feel sick with anxiety

32 replies

memoo · 28/09/2010 11:19

DH is back at work full time so isn't getting in til 7pm. He had been finishing early since I had my stay in hospital so I had been finding it easier.

He also got up with the baby this morning so I had a good nights sleep.

I have no excuse to feel like this, beyond being a bit pathetic.

I can hear DD on the monitor waking from her nap and I feel sick to the core at the thought of having to cope with her.

She is a little angel but by the very nature of being a 12 month old she is hard work too.

I love her so much but find it so hard be alone with her all day.

Feel like waking out the door, running away.

Feel consumed with panic

OP posts:
Original poster
memoo · 28/09/2010 11:28

please please please talk to me

OP posts:
Original poster
memoo · 28/09/2010 11:29

shit, she is crying now so have to go and get her. sorry

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 28/09/2010 11:32

Do you get out of the house with her?
Toddler groups, just out her in a pram and walk round so she sees stuff. Push her in the swings at the park (although I loathed doing that).

Have a plan so you have something to do each day, this may help it seem like lots of small jobs rather than one mahoosive one.

Stick her in front of CBeebies for an while... It won't kill her.

SchnoogleDyBroogle · 28/09/2010 11:33

Memoo, didn't want this to go unanswered, hope you are doing okay, anxiety is a bugger, be kind to yourself. xx

SoupDragon · 28/09/2010 11:33

You're not pathetic, you're having a hard time. you are not Super woman and you don't have to be.

What friends do you have around you? I don't know your story.

kizzie · 28/09/2010 11:34

Oh memoo - you poor thing.

Dont underestimate today. Its a big thing to be on your own again for long periods of time.

Try and break the day down into small segments. even write it down almost like a timetable if necessary.

Are you still on medication?
Hope you are ok x

Original poster
memoo · 28/09/2010 11:36

I am still on medication and it has been helping til today.

I have no family or friends around. The few friends I do have all work.

I really really can't go out, can't cope with it

OP posts:
Iwishiwasasleep · 28/09/2010 11:37

So sorry you feel like this. It can be very overwhelming. Being at home all day alone with a baby can be hard. Getting out of the house for an hour can really help. Could you visit someone or go for a walk or go shopping? Or could you call someone and invite them over for a liitle while. A distraction can really help.

Hope you feel better.

Coca · 28/09/2010 11:40

I really feel for you having experienced a similar time with dd1

Original poster
memoo · 28/09/2010 11:40

Why can't I just be normal and cope like other people do?

OP posts:
pushmepullyou · 28/09/2010 11:40

Oh memoo, I know how you feel. I love my DD very much but have always found being at home alone with her such hard work.

Whereabouts in the country are you? Can you get out with her for a little bit, perhaps meet a friend or just go to the library or a cafe for a bit?

ksld · 28/09/2010 11:41

Memoo - I am so sorry you are feeling like this, it is horrid and scary. Stop teling yourself you're pathetic - it won't help and is NOT TRUE!

Does it help to plan things, write a list of what you are going to do so you can tick things off? Can you tell us what you think you can do with her today and come back and tell us when you've done them - even every 5 mins?

Don't sit there looking at the clock thinking how long it is until DH gets home - clock watching is banned because time stops when you look at a clock!

Have you got her up and has she stopped crying?

Iwishiwasasleep · 28/09/2010 11:42

Sorry x-post.

Could you just go as far as the local shop or to the corner and back. You won't need to pack a bag or anything just throw on a coat. Don't make the outing overwhelming. Set a small goal and go easy on yourself.

SoupDragon · 28/09/2010 11:47

memoo, you can go out.
Really you can.
just out round the block or down the road... Start small.

not everyone copes, not by a long shot. You're not alone in struggling.

shandybass · 28/09/2010 11:47

Stick at it memoo.
This is the first day and so you are going to find it hard. Try to only think about the one next thing. The time will pass and it will get better.

Why do you feel you can't go out? You could try going somewhere quiet or just walking with the pram maybe around the garden or reading stories to your lo.

I've just been for a long walk, I was only going to go back and for outside but I went a little further and a little further til I'd been out an hour.

Try negotiating with yourself a bit.

Iwishiwasasleep · 28/09/2010 11:48

Memoo at some point everyone thinks why can't I cope like everyone else. We are all the same really. We feel we should float through life with our DC's contentedly playing quietly in the corner while we sit sipping tea and looking on lovingly as our DH does the ironing. No one tells you how relentless and stressful it can be and how long the days can be. We all love our DC's but it can be hard. Please don't think you are the only one that cannot cope. You are definitely not alone.

Original poster
memoo · 28/09/2010 11:48

I have got her up, she sat here happily playing with the headphones.

I really cannot go out today, really truely

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 28/09/2010 11:51

Right, she's up and happy. Take her into the kitchen, sit her on the floor with the headphones and make lunch.

Original poster
memoo · 28/09/2010 11:52

Ok, will do that

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 28/09/2010 11:54

If she whinges, bribe her with a snack.

my wisest, most capable-mother friend said to me at the start of my parenting career "you WILL bribe your child with chocolate"

Iwishiwasasleep · 28/09/2010 11:56

Maybe you could do a list like ksld said. Like lunch, nap etc and tick it off. It gives you a sense of accomplishment and will take your mind off of things. Your DD is happy so you are doing something right. I have to go but I hope you feel better. Keep posting. There is always someone here to help.

jonicomelately · 28/09/2010 11:59

We've all been where you are. The good news is you will get through it and feel capable again x.

SoupDragon · 28/09/2010 12:30

Next time you see all these mythical Coping Mothers, think of a swan.... They glide serenely down the river but you can be sure they're paddling Iike mad underneath to keep afloat.

Original poster
memoo · 28/09/2010 13:11

We've had lunch, feeling a lot calmer now.

I think I am going to do a list to tick off, might help focus my mind a bit better as at the moment its just whirling with everything I need to do.

It will get chaotic when the older DC are home from school, have to supervise homework, do dinner etc

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 28/09/2010 14:16

how old are your other children? Can you give them small tasks to do.. Eg read a story to the baby earns them X, entertaining her for 30 minutes earns Y. This gives you chance to focus on something/one else.

I find a list helpful. This means I can see life as a series of small jobs rather than one big thing I can't face. Rather sadly, my list is currently on a silly iPhone app which gives me points for completing jobs and the points lead me on a quest for loot Blush. on a practical side, it means that regular jobs can be set up to poop up on the list at regular intervals, like daily or weekly etc. It means I don't forget things so they don't build up into monsters which threaten to swallow me whole.