Shit, really wish somebody couldy help me I can't do it today, feel sick with anxiety

[memoo]

DH is back at work full time so isn't getting in til 7pm. He had been finishing early since I had my stay in hospital so I had been finding it easier.

He also got up with the baby this morning so I had a good nights sleep.

I have no excuse to feel like this, beyond being a bit pathetic.

I can hear DD on the monitor waking from her nap and I feel sick to the core at the thought of having to cope with her.

She is a little angel but by the very nature of being a 12 month old she is hard work too.

I love her so much but find it so hard be alone with her all day.

Feel like waking out the door, running away.

Feel consumed with panic

My other DC are 11 and 9 and are really fab with the baby. My 11yo DD will sit and play with her while I'm sorting dinner out. Just them being around keeps her entertained too as she just adores them.

I'm loving the sound of your ipod list! Maybe I'll reward myself tonight with one biscuit for every thing on my list I get done

So far this afternoon I've managed to get DC's uniforms ironed for tomorrow and peeled potatoes for dinner so not doing too bad at all.

How's it going with you?

I dont want to sound patronising - but you really are doing so well.

You have been so poorly - but your DH has been able to go back to work. Youve done the ironing, got the dinner sorted. Dd is ok etc etc .

Honestly - please dont beat yourself up. And if you couldnt go out today thats fine - the weathers terrible here anyway.

This is just another step towards you getting fully fully better. x

I'm ok I think, still have that horrible anxious feeling but DC are home ok and we've done homework.

Hi Kizzie, you don't sound patronising, really need to hear that today. DH being able to go to work all day is a huge step and have to keep reminding myself how well I am compared to a few months ago.

I'm really going to try and go out tomorrow, just pop down to the shops or something as I do know it does help to get out, just need to push myself that little bit.

Really appreciate you all being here today

There you are, one day ticked off and successful. Just take one day at a time and don't worry too much if some jobs get left till another time. :)

Hi memoo sorry you've had such a tough day, it really is so hard when DH goes back to work and you feel like you ought to be "better".

After I came out of hospital after a 3 month stay with severe PND, I felt very wobbly indeed and lacking in confidence. Just because they discharge you, in no way means you are "cured" just another step along the road to getting better.

I have been where you are and honestly, really, truly, it gets better. Little by little. It does. I'm not saying it won't be rocky (blimey if you read my posts on here you will know my journey has not been smooth) But life is just so much more "liveable" now.

Remember you have been through a serious illness - requiring hospitalisation - you wouldn't expect to just "bounce back" if yuo'd been in for a major operation or something.

Thinking of you.. Good to see you seem a bit more positive this evening.

xxx