One child and done?

[pinkflower223]

I’m stuck in a predicament one one child and done and wanted to hear peoples experiences, currently we still are I would say in the trenches out son is (15 month) and still quite challenging and doesn’t sleep great, in my head before I had my son I always planned to have two, but pregnancy and raising a full human is something you can just not fully 100% prepare for, I love him so much I love the life we’ve created we’ve got a beautiful home in a nice area and we are financially stable raising him, I did grow up with two bothers and although we aren’t majorly close now growing up with them and sharing those experiences were nice, my partner on the other hand had one sister and they don’t speak and when his mum died who was a single mum he was still left solo to solve selling the house and all the nitty gritty things that come with parent loss, so I do know there are two sides to every story and my thing is I always wanted him to have a sibling, and I’m not saying children need siblings to thrive but it is something I wanted for him, but it’s hard, it’s hard planning for the future and being emotionally available in the way I want to show up for him I’m not sure yet I could do that with two if ever. I just wanted other people’s advice or experiences.?

I have 2 boys. Fairly new in to it - they’re 1 and 3. At the start it was hard - they’d both need me at once and I was relieved when the baby was asleep.
When they cuddle or interact (nicely), it truly melts my heart. I’m a lonely only and so knew I always wanted two. 1 is easier in some ways - one parent can look after child while other is off. We do a bit of that but with one parent looking after two is tougher so sometimes have one each.
overall I am glad I have two - can’t really imagine not having the youngest now.

If I was you, I’d do some soul searching about what you want family life to look like for you. Would you value more family life and spending time with children or the family life you currently have with some time for yourself? How they’ll divide up your money when you’re dead or whether they’ll be close or not as adults (I get it would be nice if they got on!) isn’t as important as you (and their) daily home life over the next 18ish years.

also mine are 2.5 yrs apart. Friends who had 3/3.5 years between DC have found it a bit easier as older DC have been more independent. Eg. Can put their own shoes on.

I appreciate that response I think because I struggled quite a lot with the baby stage it’s hard to imagine doing that again sometimes, and I am just heading back to uni so if our life looked slightly different time wise maybe I wouldn’t feel as stressed about it! I think for us it would be a longer age gap of between 4-5 years if we do decide to do it in the future!

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Weve got two, they are in their teens now and love them to bits. But the first 6 years with two was hell - the first two was literally torture as my youngest did not sleep more than 2 hours and was up at 4 every day, he also has horrible reflux so had to held all the time. It felt like a ruined my youngests life.

Obviously no regrets as they are both brilliant. But it had known what I know now I would have stuck with one.

Also in terms of money and career would have been in a much better place.

Also to add - I’m really close with my siblings. But my DH barely sees his. They are civil but have nothing in common. I find it weird but it’s taught me that being friends and close with your siblings is not a given.

I was one and done.

I had an absolutely awful pregnancy with physically and mentally. I was hideously sick from 4 weeks until about an hour after I had my dd. I was in and out of hospital for drips and even after a cocktail of medication the best I ever achieved was only feeling sick.

There was no way i could have physically put myself through that again

Mentally, I had been told for 17 years that I was medically unable to conceive so finding out I was pregnant, having not long left my abusive husband (not her dad) and started a fling with someone else (her dad) was a massive mind fuck. We had used protection, had probably slept together 4 times, a condoms must have split at the exact moment the stars aligned because years of being forced to have sex without condoms with ny exh had never resulted in anything.

Dd is amazing, she is 13 and my whole world. I absolutely wouldn't be without hwr but I would also never choose to go theough that again.

She has half siblings but there is a decade between them. She worships them but they havent grown up together so their relationship is far more of favourite aunt and uncle than her brother and sister.

She is happy, I ended up a single mum. Her dad and inwere never destined to last and had I not ended up pregnant it would have fizzled out long before I walked out. We make great mates, we were shit as partners.

I was loved alone with just dd til my now dh moved in. We have a lovely life. We are comfortable. We get a decent UK holiday every year, a nice weekend away and are regulars at our local theatre. A second child would have made things very hard financially. We wouldn't have the comfy life we have and inhave zero regrets.