I feel so ashamed of myself. I had a termination after an unplanned pregnancy last year. I felt guilty even though I knew it was the right thing to do. It was an early one as I was only 4 weeks. For months after I wanted to get pregnant again. To ease the guilt I suppose.
As months went on I realised that I had made the right decision and had my prescription ready to start the pill once I got my period. I was a day late and took a test to be on the safe side. Pregnant again. I feel like an idiot. What have I done? Both my husband and I said I can't go through with another termination so we just have to deal with this pregnancy. For a day or two I was ok. Forward thinking and planning. Now reality has set in. We have two children. 8 and 12. They like their after school activities and it's great but they are expensive. We are planning to renovate or move house as we don't have enough room as it is.
I am scared what another child will do to our family unit. All the reasons we had to terminate last time are still very valid. Financially we would really struggle. I keep hoping I'll miscarry and I know that's a horrible thing to say as so many women go through that and I can imagine it's horrendous when a child is so wanted. I think my kids would be mortified if I told them we were pregnant.
I am 37. There would be a high gap too.
I can think of so many reasons to terminate. But how can I avoid the guilt? I am so ashamed of myself and my husband. How did we let this happen again.