Best long term contraception?

[bakingtins]

I'm about to be 40, 3 DC, still BF the youngest who is 6m. Have got pregnant easily 4 times in the last 2 yrs (recurrent miscarriages) so obv still pretty fertile. We are crystal clear that our family is complete. Whenever this has been discussed previously in the last 15 yrs we've agreed DH will have the snip once we're done with babies but now we've come to it he's got cold feet. I'm quietly furious that it's down to me yet a-bloody-gain, but there it is.
I'm not good with progesterone, (no libido, very flat emotionally) have taken mini pill whilst BF and progesterone during pregnancy and not keen as a long term option which I guess rules out implant/injection. I was ok on combined pill.
I guess GP is going to suggest a coil, I have read a lot of bad reviews. Does anyone know where I can get stats on side effects, as I guess women are less likely to post positive experiences?
Other suggestions welcome.

I had the mirena coil fitted four weeks ago. I've got to be honest Ive felt quite emotional and not 100% myself. I'm wondering if I'd be better on a combined bill.

I will give the coil my best shot and see if things settle as GP said people don't give it long enough to settle down ?

I would take a long look at the risks of any surgery for contraception. I certainly can't recommend a vasectomy. Long term pain and we now find out Im not producing testosterone due to the surgery which now means HRT for life to prevent other complications. Lets say the vet could have done a better castration.

Research the risks first.

67% reported rate of heavy or painful periods with copper coil not great either though and I have nickel sensitivity which may rule it out.

Back to the drawing board. Thanks both for replying.

I had a copper coil for 10 years. Periods certainly heavier than they would have been on the pill, but nothing a couple of paracetamol and a day of super plus tampons couldn't cope with. It was great - I never worried about hormones affecting me and I barely thought about it on a day to day basis. Insertion was a bit uncomfortable but I had not had children. Removal was a piece of cake. Thoroughly recommend it. NB this was not the Mirena, just the plain old coil.

Surgery is a big thing for either sex. But you could consider it yourself, or keep talking to your DH to see if it is temporary cold feet or if he really does not want the operation (there is little that can be done to treat the severe side effects, so if he has researched it and does not want to risk a procedure with a 10% complications rate you will have to respect his choice for his body).

If you think his reluctance is just cold feet, you could consider going back on the pill to buy time for him to think it through again - and as it can often take over 6 months for a man to be 'clear' post-operatively you'd need to cover that amount of time reliably anyhow, and a couple of extra months thinking time is neither here nor there in the bigger picture.

There are quite a few threads in this topic about mirenas, and it might be worth a browse to see if anything posted on them helps your thinking about that as an option. If you had a mirena, got on with it, and kept it for a few years, you might find your DH sees the risk/benefit equation differently once out of the baby years.

I was depressed with no libido on the pill and bled for 10 days a month with the copper coil. DH realised we would have sex much more often if he had the snip. He did and it has been wonderful for us.

He did not at all enjoy the experience but after watching me have a miscarriage, ERPC, one vaginal birth with tearing and one EMCS, he considered it "his turn" to do something unpleasant.

I offered to be sterilised but I told him he'd need to take a week off work to look after the DCs while I recovered. A vasectomy really is much more minor (local not general anaesthetic for a start).

Sorry if I'm not being very helpful!

Could do mini pill again ( let's call that the devil you know) since being permanently flat, moody and having no libido is excellent contraception.... Can't do combined pill whilst BF as it affects supply.

Sterilisation for me is an option I'll look into. Think in the meantime I'll acquire a copper bracelet and see if I react. Would I be right in thinking mirena is plastic so no issues with metal sensitivity, just potentially with the hormones?

photo would he like to talk to my DH?
I've racked up 3 vaginal births, 4 miscarriages, one of which landed me in hospital, one lot of post birth emergency surgery, one uterine biopsy, lost count of the number of internal scans and general messing about I've endured and none of my options at the moment seem appealing. Up until now it's been a fact of biology that it's been me who shouldered all the burden. I think it being "his turn" is exactly how I feel.
We've agreed for so long that he'd have a vasectomy that I feel like he's been stringing me along. Actually he was happy with it only as a vague future concept.

It really isn't about 'taking turns'

Just because it can be done under local, does not mean it is a minor procedure. It has a 10% risk of the serious complications, for which treatment options are few (other than reversal, which might not work to alleviate the chronic pain).

You/he do need to research the risks properly (look at the NHS choices pages, and also various threads on MN where posters share their experiences).

No need to research vasectomy since he's not going to have one.

What I need to research is which of the other options is least shit for me.

How would he feel about an accidental pregnancy?

I have three friends who got pregnant while using the coil. For us as a couple, a third child would have been a disaster, we both shuddered at the thought of another child (hope that doesn't sound really bad!) but basically a vasectomy was less bad than an accidental pregnancy. Or abstinence!

I was terrified of falling pregnant again - neither of us wanted a third child but equally I hated the idea of a termination. Vasectomy was really the only course of action.

DH did lots of reading and was worried about complications, of course, but look at how risky childbirth, miscarriages, etc are, they are not risk-free either. He's had no complications btw.

We're both v clear there are to be no more babies. It's v unlikely I would carry a pregnancy beyond about 10 weeks without treatment (was on lots of Meds for Dd) but really don't want another miscarriage or a termination. So failure rates are a problem.

I tried to make an appt to discuss with Gp today, but due to their stupid system I can't make a routine appt in advance so will have to phone every day for an 'urgent' appointment. Sigh.

I would just like to post a positive experience of the copper coil. I have no side effects, normal periods, monster libido. I couldn't be happier with it. My periods changed a bit and that took a few months to get used to, but now they've settled down and definitely no heavier than before, possibly slightly lighter.
My DH did exactly the same as yours, he was going to get the snip, that was the plan, and than went off the idea. Grr.

So now I have a "today" GP appointment to discuss contraception and I still don't know what I want Had a look at various sites - official failure rates for IUS 0.2%in the first year, but another site says 3%. Higher risk of uterine perforation in BF women but can't find it quantified anywhere (1 in 1000 overall risk) Wikipedia has a completely unnecessary repeating video of coil removal that has made me feel a bit sick.

Coil removal (and insertion) was not a big deal (for me).

The very long heavy periods with copper coil were pretty annoying. Haven't tried Mirena but have bad track record with various pills (low libido, depression, weight gain) so didn't want to try Mirena.

Good luck, what did GP say btw?

How did you get on? The combined pill isn't completely contraindicated when bfing btw. My GP is happy to prescribe post one year.

I am on the mini pill at the moment and in a very similar situation overall - except not minding the pill save for the small windows to take it.

I have an appointment next week for Mirena coil and am completely bricking it and still feeling pissed off with DH. I am trying not to be childish and resentful about it but not really succeeding. I am having horrible dreams and flashbacks about having cervix cranked open during first miscarriage. He's not even read the leaflet, doesn't seem to care about any potential side effects as long as it's me putting up with them.

So against my better judgement I had a Mirena fitted yesterday. It was painful but quick to insert but I've had horrendous cramps, so bad they made me vomit, and bleeding since. At the moment I think most of the contraceptive effect will be from me resenting H.

So I've had the Mirena for 6 months of totally random spotting, occasional discharge, been really moody and emotionally low, put on weight all sited round my middle. Libido is non existent and sex is painful. It's very effective as a contraceptive method but not so good for my marriage.
It's hard to tell how much of this is the Mirena as we've had 6 very stressful months of DD being ill and intermittently in hospital. Both of us feeling it has taken a toll.
I need to make an appointment to get it removed, but then we are back to square one.

I didn't get on with the copper coil at all. But its still worth a try because you can have it removed wherever you like

I'm 'allergic' ( severe contact irritation) to copper so that's a no go! at the moment I'm feeling like the abstinence is pretty effective in itself, I could be not feeling crap and still be safe. Maybe I'll put bromide in DH's tea!