Just had a vasectomy - very surprising attitudes

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Hi

This is my first post, so please don't be too harsh! And as you can guess, I am a dad not a mum, but have been lurking here for a while getting tips etc :)

Anyway, it's the day after the snip and it seemed the obvious choice for me and my DW - we have done our bit for continuing the human race and all the other contraceptive options are much less pleasant. But several nurses were really surprised I was happy to go through with it. They kept saying things like "Oh your wife is so lucky - I wish my husband would have one". One even called me a saint.

Is this just them trying to make me feel better, maybe trying to calm my nerves? Or is it really as uncommon as they make out? How many mums out there would dearly love their DPs to have the snip, but they won't do it?

I think they were just trying to make conversation like in a hairdressers

Hope you're not too sore. Top tip from dh; try and remember if your stitches are dissolvable or not

My DH just had a vasectomy, he was thinking about it anyway, but there was a conversation over lunch with his work mates ( don't ask me how they got on to the topic ) where it transpired that most of the men over 40 who had had kids had also had the snip. I think this helped him make up his mind. I think there is a perception that very few men do it, but in reality, loads do, they just don't tell anyone.

Speaking as a woman, I can honestly say it is a fantastic & wonderful thing! I've been responsible for contraception since I was 17, have mainly used hormonal methods which have made me miserable and I genuinely feel like a different woman now I'm not taking anything.

I'm pretty young and have only been using contraception for 6yrs but it's all an absolute nightmare so I'm really, really pleased my husband has agreed to get the snip once we're done breeding. I did tiptoe around the subject and ask very, very nicely though as it was the kind of thing I assumed men would be touchy about? like you're TAKING AWAY THEIR MANHOOD! y'know?

DH has hd the snip and pre op and post op conversation with his workmates suggests that a fairly high percentage have had it done too.

I think they were being nice , (they couldn't really cal;l you a breve little soldier now could they )

DH has hd the snip and pre op and post op conversation with his workmates suggests that a fairly high percentage have had it done too.

I think they were being nice , (they couldn't really call you a brave little soldier now could they )

We have several friends that fall into the 'won't do it' camp. The blokes react to the idea like it's castration! In fact, one even said he wouldn't feel like a man afterwards!

We also have 4 or 5 mates that, like my dh, have had it done and think it's bloody great!

DH has had the snip - he volunteered after DD2 was born as we needed a permanent solution due to health reasons. I offered to have it done but much more hassle for me. Most of our male friends have had it done once they have finished having kids.

My DP doesn't want it done and I don't want him to either.
I was surprised to find out someone I knew had had it done very young - I suspect more people have it done than go on to talk about it.
I also know of one or two people who have really regretted having it done usually where they have split with a partner and then met someone else and wanted to have more kids, having though they had finished.

I have at least 3 friends who have said their dh/dp won't have a vasectomy even though they don't want any more children. Then there are a few more who just cba at the moment...

My dh is unusual amongst his friends but then he was 37 when he had his which I think is fairly young. It is more "normal" amongst our older friends.

yup, i do know quite a few men who've had it done, but i also know a couple of outwardly quite modern men who absolutely won't consider it as they find the idea of it emasculating. and i do find it an odd choice of dinner party conversation, it does seem to come up (heh heh) quite a bit, whereas i don't generally advertise the fact that DH has had it done. apart from saying it on a widely read internet forum

Well DP was all set to have it after ds2 was born but I talked him out of it as it just felt too permanent and I guess I wasn't completely certain I was finished having children. I am now 39+4 with our 4th and I am now completely certain that I never want to go through this again! And we both feel that 4 children is more than enough for us.

But he is now unsure about having the snip. I think he has had some people telling him horror stories and thats making him nervous. His brother will be having it done soon I think so hopefully he will be nice and tell dp its not that bad! I feel that I've done enough suffering for this family with hyperemesis, PGP, labour and so on and its his turn to do something now! And I don't want to risk relying on the pill or anything else for contraceptive as I know they'll come a point where we'll get a bit more relaxed about it all and not worry too much if I forget a pill or whatever.

I'm sure he will do it, he's as certain as me, if not more so, that we don't any more dc, I think hes just building himself up to it!

Actually the age thing hadn't occured to me as being an issue. I am 32 and dp is 31 so I suppose he is quite young but 4 children is a lot!

I do think it depends how important not getting pregnant is to you both! We talked about all the what ifs, (what if we split, what if I die etc) but dh's opinion is that he has 2 kids, they are all he needs, he is happy with two & he wouldn't want any more even if (god forbid ) we were to lose either of them.

But then I nearly died giving birth to dd2 and have been strongly advised not to have any more children, so it is pretty important to me not to get pregnant again. If I'd have known that was the case when dd2 was born I'd have got them to tie my tubes during the c-section, but it wasn't clear until later. So I'm very grateful to dh for stepping up to the plate (so to speak!)