DD wants dance career but not sure she’s good enough!

[Notcool1984]

DD 10 has her heart set on dance as a career (like many girls at this age) but I feel worried she’s going to keep facing disappointment as (without sounding harsh!) she’s quite average....

She takes dance classes in ballet, tap, contemporary and acro. She does well in exams (high merit for ballet) but not top of the class / distinctions etc. Some of her friends have been picked for competition squads and she’s been disappointed to not get into associate schemes some of her friends do.

she’s talking about wanting to apply for a local dance high school that a lot of the older girls at her dance school go to.

no doubt she loves dance and it’s her passion, she practices all the time, but I’m guessing that’s just not going to be enough when it comes to associate schemes / school dance programmes / competition teams.

I don’t want to put her off but I want to set some realistic expectations without dampening her enthusiasm.

does anyone have this experience?

I don't have any experience! But would say that she's only 10 so her interests may yet change.
It will be disappointing if she doesn't get the breaks, but personally I would keep encouraging her whilst also keeping an eye on developing her resilience to setbacks.
I would imagine puberty will have a significant effect on dancers too and it's also possible that some of the keener girls may drop away over time.
I would just have her back for now.

Don't nuke her dreams at 10!

She might change her mind as pp says, but in life its the people who are committed and persist who have greater success than those who don't have to work so hard - have a little faith!!

Also, don't teach your child that you shouldn't try just because you think / someone thinks you're not good enough- support her.

Can you get her extra tuition to improve on weak points? Would she be willing and able to hustle and travel for auditions? Can she fall back on family between jobs and travel if necessary?

Those would be my questions. It’s not a life-long career but would make for some amazing experiences and memories! I was a dancer myself, but never as good as the best. My own answers to those questions would have been “no”, unfortunately! I still watch backing dancers and think “Ah, in another life that could have been me..”

Be careful about indulging this, make sure she knows that she needs an education. Point out that dancers, like footballers, don’t always make it and they need something to fall back on.
A woman I know had a DD that wanted to be a doctor, and we all knew about it ! She paid for a private education from year 5, and so had to do the same for her DS. The DD went off to do A levels at college, realised very quickly she couldn’t do it, and dropped out of college.

Hard work and dedication are what matters most. Unless she really isn't flexible or has no musicality she's as good a chance as any of fulfilling her dreams. I can think of quite a few girls that did festivals with mine aged 10 who mine would usually place higher than, but this all changed as they got older and for mine it was more a hobby and the others took it more seriously.

I thought you were going to say DD was at least 16. That's so young to have any idea of the future. Definitely let her pursue it but also make sure she's aware how important it is she gets as good grades in GSCEs, A-Levels etc so she has that as back up. Even if she does make it, an injury could end all that so easily.

Is the school a good one generally?

I wouldn’t discourage her but I would talk (in an age appropriate way) about the importance of her education generally as well as dance. Most girls who are keen on dance don’t go on to be professional dancers and that’s something you can talk about (without putting it in terms of “I don’t think you’re good enough”). There are also plenty of ways to have a career in dance without being a professional dancer, from set design to arts administration to teaching to physiotherapy and nutrition etc etc.

She's 10 years old dancers train for years why are you writing her off at 10.give her and you a break and let her develop her interest and see where it takes her.

Hard work and dedication are what matters most. Unless she really isn't flexible or has no musicality she's as good a chance as any of fulfilling her dreams.

If we were talking about someone wanting to be, say, a medic with average grades, then I’d absolutely agree with you. But dance is different. My DD is a very good dancer. She loves it and works very hard. But she’s never going to be a ballerina - she doesn’t have the right body shape for it. So while I encourage her to pursue it as a lovely, positive and healthy hobby, I’d never encourage her to go down that track as a career.

At this age, focus on the fact that she's doing regular exercise that improves her confidence and core strength. Levels of teenage girls doing regular exercise drop away, so keep it going whilst you can. Maybe help her to look at options around dancing - can she sing as well, would she like to work on a liner etc. rathe than just be a ballerina

You can work in dance in many ways, so she can follow her passion but perhaps focus on longevity of a career, so look at teaching, production, choreography, anything theatre related. I have a cousin who went through football youth academies for very good teams and although never quiet the best, had a little success as a youth player, however it was not to be so in his early 20s. He loved football so much he took all the coaching, psychology courses etc. alongside recognised international qualifications and ended up managing a very successful club and is still in the profession, in his late 60s as a scout! You can follow your dreams in many ways and often those with the greatest passion make the best teachers. Just broaden the conversation about how to make dance a career.

I agree with this.
And by 10 you do know who is good enough

I want to set some realistic expectations without dampening her enthusiasm No no no. Just support her without making rash promises and let her learn for herself. Also ask yourself why you want a child of ten to approach life with the cynical realism of a 30+ adult? What are you trying to achieve by being a naysayer? She is currently 10, next she will be 11, soon enough she will be a realistic 15yo.

The reality is that most serious professionals have to work very very hard. There is a major myth about 'natural talent'. Practice practice practice.

It is absolutely awful of you to judge whether she can do it or not - you have no idea. It will depend on her level of commitment as much as 'talent'.

There are professional dancers working today who did not start until secondary age.

she’s talking about wanting to apply for a local dance high school that a lot of the older girls at her dance school go to Good idea of hers. Your job is to support her with the outcome.

The ones getting into associate schemes at this age are quite likely to be hyper mobile and therefore have exceptional flexibility. This often leads to over training and injury at quite young ages, especially during puberty. So at the moment tbh I'd be thankful that she's not being seen as one of the 'chosen ones'. Instead, concentrate on supporting her enjoyment, eg doing as much as is enjoyable of various styles, and building her strength. She'll find her niche over time if she loves dance - it could be contemporary, acro, Broadway, or going into teaching or chorey. There's absolutely no reason to conclude that she 'won't make it' at 10 - there are a lot of different versions of 'making it', and if she's really passionate about it she'll find the right one for her

I'd stay quite neutral on her abilities- congratulate her successes but don't either bull her up too much or let her know you don't think she's the best. I like the stance of pointing out that dancing is a great career but an uncertain one for anyone so she needs to ensure it's not the only thing she's aiming for. School needs to be encouraged too. If she's doing her best but not at the standard of the best girls in the group or getting the same opportunities then I expect she will start to either realise that herself soon and ease off the idea or her hard work will begin to compensate.

I have experience. First, does she have the build and muscle structure for it? That was evaluated for potential at the auditions we went to. Second, if she isn't competitive, she'll fall down at the dance school auditions. My daughter had to audition three years running before she got into elite training. Third, is she resilient? The dance world is harsh. Fourth, if I could do it again, I would never have allowed my daughter to start danc , but that's just me.

This is it exactly. I have two DDs and one wanted to be an astronaut and the other with wildlife (like David Attenborough). They are unlikely to end up doing exactly that. However, I encourage them to study for their dreams but mention often that no one can predict what the job market will be like in 10 or 20 years. They'll be able to find something related to their passion. For your DD, it could be a dance related career. There is so much you can do with dance or the wider performing arts.

No experience with dancing but I have experience with swimming and another sport.

At that age, they have loads of dreams. Let her follow them if you can. She’ll learn to be resilient, to make some efforts to reach her goals etc… she will learn to deal with disappointment and bounce back. It’s all ok and will help her become a rounded child.

Will she become a professional dancer? Who knows!!
Having seen 4 dcs (between mine and their cousins) doing that, by the time they sat their A levels, they knew what was or wasn’t possible. So carrer in their chosen sport was a NO. They started Uni and actually all bar one stopped that sport….. A mixture of reality of the time needed for their course, not being selected ‘for the squad’ even though they all assume it would happen and discovering other sports/interest/people.

Don’t think too far ahead. Let her go for it. Let her enjoy her passion. Just remind her that regardless of her profession, she needs to do well at school (and explain why! Plus expectations if course). Whether this would become her profession isn’t a question to ask for another 10 years or so!

Wow what an amazing number of responses thank you.

re- does she have the build for dancing. I have no idea. She’s very tall and slim (maybe height went against her at audition!?).

there is a good amount of reality checking going on here. You are all right to say who am I to know if she’s good enough anyway, I have no clue. I was a cross country runner at school so no idea about dance.

I guess my clues about her talent come in the fact no competition invite / rejections for things she had auditioned for, and she’s very upset each time, but never wants to stop dance or give up auditions.

Also a reminder you can really enjoy a sport, spend a hell of time in it but not want to make it a job.

She doesn’t have to find a sideway entrance to still be involved in dancing even if she isn’t good enough to do ballet or whatever.

Maybe with reminding her at that stage that’s it’s about enjoying herself! And that most people change their minds between 10yo and 20yo.
Hell having all the dcs in my family at Uni now, I’ve seen many students changing their mind during their Uni course too!

Dont close the doors for her at this stage but encourage her to enjoy what she does. I think it’s you there that needs to not take what your dd says to Seriously. Support her. Don’t make it who she will be for the rest if her life.

I guess my clues about her talent come in the fact no competition invite / rejections for things she had auditioned for, and she’s very upset each time, but never wants to stop dance or give up auditions.

My dc did the same.
Its ok.
They learnt to bounce back. They still enjoyed the sport. Often, they got enthusiastic about the same thing than their friends - who were better. Friends got selected, dc didn’t.
dc still enjoyed the sport.

The fact she is getting upset isn’t a sign that she should stop.

And even if she manages a career in dance, it tends to be a short one, so will need to have stuff in the bag for later. An older friend of mine had a good career in classical ballet (soloist with some big companies), had her career cut short by a catastrophic onstage accident, and aged 35 had to go back to a tutorial school and do GCSEs and then A-levels, because she had no qualifications at all (I don't imagine that would happen now, but my friend is in her 70s).

I offer this in case it helps you talk with your DD about the necessity of also focusing on the academic side of her education while she is serious about dance.

Having the 'right build' is also about muscle structure and other things. That's just the genetic lottery and getting lucky.

We were told at the time that they must be in a full time training program by the time they are 15, but there are exceptions out there.

If your daughter is thinking of auditioning for one of the pre-professional ballet schools for high school she'll soon find out just how competitive it is.

Just let her do what makes her happy and encourage her.
dont try to give her a reality check, you’re only saving yourself not her and that’s selfish.
you can tell her you’re proud of her, tell her you’re proud of how well she’s doing, how hard she’s working etc. You can help her confidence and self esteem so that if / when she gets rejections she can bounce back easier.
and you can also tell her she needs to get GCSEs because that’s also important because any job, including any dance related job will likely expect them.
you don’t really need to worry past that point for a while.
the worst case is she enjoys exercise, learns to work hard and be dedicated to something
and maybe she’ll find a career in dance but just not what she’s planning right now. Or maybe it’ll just be lifelong hobby and exercise that she enjoys.
or maybe she’s 10 and she’ll get bored and find a new hobby
but at least she’s doing what makes her happy and working hard at it, that seems admirable to me

Keep up the dancing at hobby level and make it clear that it's a competitive industry with even great dancers not getting jobs.

There is a difference between being realistic and crushing hopes and dreams.