DD wants dance career but not sure she’s good enough!

[Notcool1984]

DD 10 has her heart set on dance as a career (like many girls at this age) but I feel worried she’s going to keep facing disappointment as (without sounding harsh!) she’s quite average....

She takes dance classes in ballet, tap, contemporary and acro. She does well in exams (high merit for ballet) but not top of the class / distinctions etc. Some of her friends have been picked for competition squads and she’s been disappointed to not get into associate schemes some of her friends do.

she’s talking about wanting to apply for a local dance high school that a lot of the older girls at her dance school go to.

no doubt she loves dance and it’s her passion, she practices all the time, but I’m guessing that’s just not going to be enough when it comes to associate schemes / school dance programmes / competition teams.

I don’t want to put her off but I want to set some realistic expectations without dampening her enthusiasm.

does anyone have this experience?

As an aside I'd rather send my child to a school owned by a 'mediocre' dancer as I'd expect them to be more understanding and supportive...

All depends whether you end up paying for mediocre teaching...

Whether she succeeds or fails is somewhat irrelevant. What she will remember is whether or not you supported her.

My parents didn’t support my goals of going to study art because my dad was in an arts based career - he didn’t do badly at all but he has struggled at times. They pushed me to do history or English at uni which I did (joint hons)… I still resent them for it now. I now work in a creative industry and do freelance artwork.

I can only dream of what I could be doing had a done the courses/gone to the uni I wanted to go to as I have no qualifications to apply for the graphic design roles I’d really love and I’ll never get that chance again - and whilst I have a good relationship with both parents, I resent them a great deal for this.

She might fail, but if you support her no matter what, and let her know that you’ll figure it out even if things don’t work out then you’re doing your job right.

Whether she succeeds or fails is somewhat irrelevant. What she will remember is whether or not you supported her.

I’m not so sure. I get where you’re coming from with your art career - but I know plenty of people on the other side of it who’d say that they wished their parents had given them a firmer steer away from something which turned out to be a poor/badly paid choice in the end. So it’s some and some. That’s why I think the key is to be realistic with kids about their chances of success.

You can be realistic AND support her. Part of being supportive is making sure she understands what will happen or is in place for her if it doesn’t pan out but supporting her to try her damndest to get what she wants out of life. Helping her choose a backup plan that she’s happy with and making sure she works towards that in tandem is part of that. It would be irresponsible to promise her it will all work out but so is assuming it won’t.

Yes, mine had to stop when they developed a severe medical condition. I think she was getting to the stage where she was discovering there was a lot more to the world than dance too though. She was in her pre-professional year.
At her dance school they didn't reaudition each year. They would talk to you if they didn't think you were going to make it and advise you leave though. They were very realistic about the prospects even if you were good enough. A tiny percentage would get a place in a big company, a moderate percentage a smaller company. Others went on to other things. And their body would probably not go much beyond 30. It's a crazy world really.

IMO (and that of my former pre-professional dancer), it is an off putting environment. But some love it.

When children have dreams which it turns out aren’t going to be realised, it does dawn on them over time. Just keep on supporting her in her dreams. She might make it, she might not, but you won’t have to break the news to her.

Yes it's hard and intense DD is currently rehearsing for her year 1 degree showcase and still doing her training so 8am to 8pm days are the norm at the moment.
But I am a vet at uni we were on 1 in 2 night duties regularly so worked all day 8am to 6pm and then every other night did the 2 hourly checks and medications for a yard of 40 sick horses.
So I think many careers required very intense training.
They need to be your passion for you to do it and succeed.
I love my job and accept that I get bitten and scratched. DD loves what she does and accepts the friction burns on the top her feet from a particular floor slide that she is doing in one number.

Loads of children have unrealistic dreams at thst age. Professional football player, gymnast, dancer, supermodel, the next Oasis, Indiana Jones, or whatever.

IMO, so long as they love the journey, it doesnt cause them harm, (and the fees are affordable!) then there is no need to sit them down and say "its not going to happen because youre not ...the right body shape / clever enough / musical enough / whatever"

So I have a slightly different perspective on this. I had a small number of dance classes as a kid, but my mum absolutely hated me dancing. So I never trained or got to really develop my dancing skills. I feel sad about that today - I wish my parents had supported me.

As an adult, I rediscovered dance a few years ago and actually joined a dance company in the city I live in. I also train at another studio in a specific style of dance and have performed on stage through both dance organizations. I’ve also met quite a few dancers who trained as children and had a shot at a professional career in their youth. (None of the dancers, except one I believe, ever danced professionally)

Here are my thoughts. You can do so much with a dance background - set up your own dance company like the one I joined; open a dance studio, run a channel on a social media platform. A dance career doesn’t necessarily have to mean working in a company. Having said that, I never got the support to train properly, and even those that did, didn’t make it. But we all still love performing as adults and all found a way to make that happen.

Just let her follow her interests, support her training, but make sure she stays realistic about it - she should have a “safe” career to focus on too. I doubt I would have made it professionally, but as pp have said, it’s my parents’ lack of support that I remember the most.

I also think that you can gain some really healthy habits from dance - it makes you very disciplined, you have to put in long hours of training, for example - this will help in so many different ways as your child grows and matures. And she can transfer that skill to other things too. So let her pursue it but also ensure she is aware of the many other options and choices that are available to her as well.

When I was 10, I got a book free with a tween magazine about careers. One of the pages was ‘supermodel’ (I kid you not), and I was convinced this was the role for me. I vividly remember asking my mum if I’d hit 6ft, because the book said this was ideal!

As an adult, I’m a 5ft 1, slightly chubby data analyst. 😅

Obviously your DD’s dream has a bit more substance but at that age they dream BIG! Let her persue dance, but make it clear she also needs to focus on her GCSEs and college/sixth form. By the time she’s ready to sit her exams, she’ll have matured a few years and may have new, more open minded ideas about her future after that. She’ll also learn a lot about ways to be involved with dance but not necessarily as a performer which could also inspire her.