DD wants dance career but not sure she’s good enough!

[Notcool1984]

DD 10 has her heart set on dance as a career (like many girls at this age) but I feel worried she’s going to keep facing disappointment as (without sounding harsh!) she’s quite average....

She takes dance classes in ballet, tap, contemporary and acro. She does well in exams (high merit for ballet) but not top of the class / distinctions etc. Some of her friends have been picked for competition squads and she’s been disappointed to not get into associate schemes some of her friends do.

she’s talking about wanting to apply for a local dance high school that a lot of the older girls at her dance school go to.

no doubt she loves dance and it’s her passion, she practices all the time, but I’m guessing that’s just not going to be enough when it comes to associate schemes / school dance programmes / competition teams.

I don’t want to put her off but I want to set some realistic expectations without dampening her enthusiasm.

does anyone have this experience?

The dance high school is okay, not as good as our local one academically.

At ten I was convinced I was going to be an Olympian competing for Judo lol, at 25 however I’ve got two degrees and work in recruitment. My sister on the other hand wanted to be a lawyer at 10 but is now studying musical theatre at a prestigious arts school. My point being, don’t dampen her dreams so young, she will work things out as she gets older! I’m grateful my parents endorsed my Olympian dreams while I had them and let me realise on my own that perhaps it wasn’t quite the right path for me 😂

Thank you! I suppose this is just the age where suddenly it’s becoming noticeable who the better dancers are. With auditions / comp team invites etc and it’s crushing me a bit to see her disappointment again and again. As someone said though, it’s just me being selfish to stop her

Has she thought of another dance genre like latin or ballroom?

Can you emphasise to her that dance is one facet of sport/ athleticism ; and there are many possible futures for athletic powerful persons. Dance, yoga, sports, teaching any of them , health and well being careers , personal trainer. Physiotherapy, medicine, nutrition. Anything is possible and the best path at age 10 is to keep all options open as long as possible. This includes, her school studies; sciences, human biology, health and nutrition, psychology. The world is her oyster, don't specialise too soon.

Yeh of course. She’s also into art and music. She used to do a different sport but dropped it sadly so dance is the main form of exercise. She’s quite severely dyslexic so struggles at school

She just 10 years old. Reality will hit home soon enough that she will not be a professional dancer when she grows up.

That’s what I’m afraid of @Aquamarine1029 but I suppose that’s life!

I think she's a bit young to be dampening her enthusiasm and expecting her to be realistic. Dance is fantastic exercise, so I'd be encouraging her to continue.

There are plenty of careers connected to dance that she could explore later if she's interested - the obvious ones are dance teacher (running her own dance school), choreographer. Then there's a host of careers in theatre / production manager / tour manager or music including engineering, costumes, sets, working on music videos, talent agent or manager, PR etc etc etc none of which involve performing.

Horrendously badly paid sadly. Even Carlos what’s his face, the ballerina, said dance should be your side hustle.

I don't see why you're afraid, op. Disappointment and handling rejection are a huge part of life. You will be there is help her deal with it.

She may not become a professional ballerina but it may lead onto other things - cheoreography, teaching, theatre production, etc.

I became a professional dancer even though I wasn't ever really the "best" in any of my classes. Once you reach a certain level it's more about if your face/body fits. You need to the skills to keep auditioning, work out what they are looking for, keep your technique up. The "stars" from my MT college dropped out as soon as they hit the real world.

I was hyper focused from a young age too, tbh with hindsight I should have become a lawyer or something 🤣 it's an amazing experience for when you are young - but it's constant hustle and uncertainty and the pay is shit! I also once arrived for rehearsals in a different country and was immediately (along with all the other girls) put on laxatives for weight loss (despite being a size 8!) Some very problematic stuff goes on. The highs are incredibly high, but I want DD to dance recreationally only

By the age of 15 I realised my musical ambitions were just pipe dreams because I didn’t have the talent/resources to “make it” (I would have needed better tuition and that was unaffordable) . Im still not really over it 30 years on, but I’m glad that no one tried to completely put me off.

I remember my mum from time to time gently telling me that my grades were good and a sensible career would be the best thing. She was so kind and mild about it.

So yeah, just go gently and keep her grounded. You sound like a good mum.

I think at 10 many kids want to be something they prob won't end up being. Footballer, astronaut, dancer, actor etc etc
And that's fine.
The rejections and her determination to carry on are brilliant resilience builders and she is showing great dedication here.
I have what everyone says are 3 'very talented DC' in different areas. And it mostly comes down to a huge amount of hard work. Yes some talent or aptitude but mostly hard work. A lot of kids reach teen years and can't be bothered with the work..the ones that can be bothered and remain dedicated then shine.
My DD wanted to be a footballer since aged 5. She's still playing and on the verge of exciting things. We have supported her all the way but education has always been non negotiable.
She has had multiple knock backs and injuries and these have all helped build her resilience.
The ones that have sailed through academies from 8 and never been injured can really struggle when a set back does happen.
I have always said to her that if she stops enjoying the football then it's time to give up. That has never happened in 11 seasons!
Let her carry on. There's no point crushing her dreams!!!

If she’s been turned down for associate programmes then she’s probably not ready for a specialist dance school just yet - do you mean a vocational school? I have 2 dc at vocational schools and every member of both their classes was an associate at at least one of the pre-11 programmes. However, children do develop at different rates and if she has the facility (body proportions, turnout, flexibility etc) and musicality then she should keep trying if she wants to. Competitions don’t matter so much, some children like mine have never done a single one, some have done lots.

So long as she’s enjoying it, let her continue and have lots of fun along the way.

Thanks all for bringing me back down to earth. I really don't want to dampen her enthusiasm at age 10. It's probably me just panicking about the rejection! I'll try to just remain really positive and not discourage her.

Yes a vocational school for dancers. A fair few at her dance school go to it, but tbh, they are the ones doing competitions / associates programmes if I am honest.

The vocational schools are looking at a really narrow set of criteria at 11 and there are very few (funded) spaces, so it’s incredibly competitive. Much more choice of school and more spaces at 16+ if she still wants to go for it then.

I'm afraid that is completely untrue. My sibling won a highly contested place to a professional dance school and still was told she was never going to make it as a pro.

Dance is brutal. If she isn't top flight at 10, she isn't going to make it as a adult.

It’s such a difficult one. I don’t know much about dance, but I do know a bit about football. My friend’s son was passionate about the game, and determined to become a pro. His touch & ball skills were outstanding, he worked hard and his vision & passing marked him out. Unfortunately, anyone who watched him run could see that he was never, ever going to become a professional athlete.
His parents continued to support him until he was around 13/14 and when puberty kicked in he started to realise himself that he just couldn’t compete with the faster, stronger more athletic lads & didn’t get picked.

Even if she's never a top, top dancer there are often am dram shows and such that call for dancers. It can still be in her life. My niece at 10 was a decidedly average dancer but she stuck with it and in her early twenties has been in a few local shows and actually is a lot better than we thought she might be as a child - because nobody told her she couldn't do it and she stuck with it and plugged away at it. She also worked hard at school and has good academic qualifications to fall back on.

That's nice @AmyandPhilipfan tbh it's more musical theatre than ballet in her dream career mind

And my post was not to say that you should discourage her because she's still so young. She can still pursue it as a happy amateur or even professionally in the arts more generally.

But at 10 that's the age where children still think they can be the next Taylor Swift or Leah Williamson (or Darcey Bussell). The reality is that very few will ever make it but 10 is too young to rain on her parade. She is also learning some great transferable skills - team work, drive, determination, resilience. All will be enormously useful to her in whatever career she pursues.

Yes very true @Clymene