Poolside-Chat-parents-of-competitive-swimmers

[Glittertwins]

Hopefully this will work as we’re at 999 on the other!

I've had to physically separate two male parents that were squaring up to each other in the car park at a meet -their DDs swam in the same squad and loathed each other, and it rubbed off on the parents (I actually quite liked both parents, the girls were ... difficult).

We've just had an email re land training groups. Moved 3 groups into 4.

They've taken 4 swimmers from the usual groups that do 2 or 3 weekly sessions (younger juniors do 2 and older juniors, seniors and national squad do 3) And they are doing 5 land training sessions.

Ds is one of the 4!!! Luckily it seems in place of 2 hours swimming as is half of 2 morning training sessions rather than extra.

So looks like he'll do 16 and 5 rather than 18 and 3.

He's more exited than I expected him to be 🤣🤣

Our training sessions aren't that exciting @Dreikanter !!

Oh the dads kept their distance at training sessions - this was at a meet with lots of parents and swimmers milling around (and they were both big macho blokes).

But, God yes to the competitive parents - especially the ones with the good swimmers that did nothing at all to help with the club or officiating at meets (and we’d get fined for not supplying officials at big meets).

Luckily we've not had parents square up to each other!

We've had a few who you know could clash if the opportunity arises! And yes to it being those with good swimmers who don't help either.

The parents I find hardest are the ones that berate their own children for not doing as well as their pb, getting a pb or performing to their parents standard. I've seen parents reduce their kids to years or kids in years afraid of what their parents will say

We do have a pair of very pushy parents who were so rude on inappropriate channels that they are basically pariahs because everyone saw what they did. I don't want anything to do with that kind of person and many think the same.

Agree.

I'm ds smaller club we had a real alpha mum.

One who types things (SM) in a way you know it's not 100% true but it isn't a lie so can't be challenged.

And then blatant lies!

Things like "morning trains again for me and x. Her swimming - me gym"

Me and the other parents used to egg each other other to reply "don't want to worry you but X hasn't turned up poolside yet".

None of us had the guts. But basically her dd was never at the session and she wasn't at the gym.

In the end I felt sad for her - but mostly her DD.

Help please, what do I do with a disappointed swimmer there is only so many times I can tell him his time will come especially when it might not.

DS is small in stature and muscle still very much has a little boy body at 12. One of his peers who he used to be faster than at 8/9 years old is tall and muscular despite being the same age. He has as a result (and obviously his natural talent and commitment to the sport) very much overtaken DS in terms of times and achievements. At the start of this season this boy is now on Regional and County development pathways.

DS is happy for him but disappointed as he can only the gap growing with this boy getting extra and different training etc.

How do you explain to a 12 year old that it doesn't matter how much they want it and train hard and do extra outside of training they might not achieve what they want to achieve?

Tell him my ds story.

At 12yo ds looked 8!!! He was built like an 8 yo. He also had an unknown disability although we knew the symptoms he didn't have a diagnosis.

He watched kids his age getting into county squad and county times. This was a small club where few did achieve that anyway.

He kept at it.

He got classified last year after receiving a diagnosis not long before lockdown 1! So 2 further years of waiting to hit the top of the list.

He moved to a bigger club.

He's now in the national squad, a British champion, in the youth England team and in a small elite group of swimmers in his club doing a personalised programme.

His coach has told him all swimmers worldwide follow the same training programmes, sets etc as everything can be got from the internet nowadays! And that every body follows a route through puberty but that's not set in stone at which age it'll happen.

The difference between those who can and those who do is mental and psychological mindset. It's those who are resilient and often those are the swimmers who've had to work hardest to get where they are and have had to work at age group level to keep up with the programme (like ds) who come out top in the end. Ds understands how to train to achieve as it's never been a given he'll win the race at age group level whether he trains hard or not.

And Ben proud was never on any swim England programme through his development. Look what he's achieved!

If he wants it he can develop his mental resilience and training ethic whilst he waits for his body to catch up with his mind!

Also coaches should be helping them set realistic short and medium term goals to work towards their long term goals.

I've never said to ds he'll not make it at the level he wants to. I've just made sure he's developed the resilience he'll need to deal with that if (when 🤣) it happens.

His current pathway may be different to others his age.

But eventually they all go through puberty and all swim in an open age group category.

Thank you @itsgettingweird I will most certainly tell him.abiut your DS as he is hugely inspirational I'm.so proud of him and I dont even know him!

I think the thing that DS is confused about is at school if you are struggling you get extra help whereas in swimming it seems like the extra help is given to those that are already doing well.

The coaches seem particularly bad at helping them set goals. They get given a form to fill in at the start of the season with their short, medium and long term goals but are given no guidance and DS was told he lacked ambition as he didn't put being in the Olympics as his long term goal!

Would your be able to see it as it is?

They aren't getting extra help. Their bodies are more developed so they cope with extra training. And soooooo many age groupers who excel at 13/14 due to early puberty are dropping out by 16.

Those who started to achieve and increase training at a later age are still going at college age.

I've seen it sooooo many times. 13/14 yo with stubble and who look 18 breaking county and regional records - winning national medals burn out. They don't get the same gains the age groupers are still getting because they hit the times the older age groupers are aiming for by 17/18 at 14! You cannot swim a 0 time. You can't always just keep getting faster and faster and getting those marginal gains requires more than squad swimming can offer lower club level.

Ds club offer those opportunities once you are performance squad and especially to those in national performance squad. These are the swimmers who have now got the mental resilience to cope with the training required to make marginal gains. They've got the engine - they've done the years of aerobic training you need. And just swimming set after set is no longer enough for them. It is enough for young age groupers who don't know what adult physicality they'll have and what type of swimmer they'll be.

His club have said their younger swimmers are no longer being allowed to pick their favourite and best strokes to race. They'll be told what they are racing and it won't be what they think (or maybe even want!). They need to be all rounders so when they are at the stage of specialising they have the foundation.

Ds is now specialising in 50 and 100 free. But he's 18. Even then he's changed his second stroke. 10 months ago it was back and now it's fly. Coach made him work at fly saying he thought ultimately he'd be stronger at it. It took 8 months for it to be better then his back!!!

The fact your ds cares and wants this is his biggest attribute.

And if his coach wants more ambitious goals encourage ds to go for it. I'd certainly say a medium term goal for him is a top 5 finish at OW nationals. He's proved he has the training ethic and ability to do that!

@itsgettingweird everything you say is 100% right its the kind of thing I would say to someone with a child in DS"s position. Sometimes it's hard when it's your own child to see the bigger picture.

We are going for a dog walk later which is when DS seems to be able to have the most constructive conversations so I will be sure to explain it to him like you have here.

This chart may help to explain something for your DS.

It may help him to keep going while waiting for his body and physical strength and build to catch up too.

I'd say it's really important for him to keep having fun while swimming at 12, having a good group of friends and a squad around him will help him with motivation (even if the motivation is turning up for sessions to see friends)

@Porseb thats a very interesting chart, thank you. Yes I regularly check in with him that he is still having fun, if it isnt fun whats the point? H

@Hellocatshome - at 12, DS was very much smaller than his peers. They grew even more during lockdown to the extent one was nearly a foot taller than him.

During the Level X stuff, DS was somewhat slower than those peers he could beat before.
He has now grown more, definitely hit puberty and with the training along side that growth he has been dominating his events.

Some kids are early developers, some are later. Your DS will probably be a later one but if he works on the technical aspect now, when the strength arrives he will see those times drop.

And yes, if he's still enjoying it, that's the biggest win!

I have the opposite HelloCat DD was a tall strong 12 year old, looked 16 easily and won everything. But everyone else has grown and she's now gone from being the tallest child to the smallest in the squad age 15 and a bit. They'll all get their growth spurt and later seems better than earlier DD feels. But she still loves to swim.

So ds been out of pool since Thursday mornings session with an ear infection.

Did LT Saturday and did extra 2.5 hrs as few also have ear infections!

First morning back in. Test set. Lc training. 2.5k swim. Ds did it all pull!

Luckily for him no college/ uni until next week and no work today

@Hellocatshome I think that it’sgettingweird is completely right - peaking early is massive drop out potential.

The important thing is he’s enjoying it. Just one thing from your previous posts it sounds to me like there are lots of very very fast swimmers at your club re your (I think I remember it was you) reference to everyone else getting regional times etc. It may help him to keep that in perspective. Or there are other clubs that the balance of swimmers is different and they may have most of their swimmers competing more at club level only.

Ultimately it’s about his improvement and there will always be people faster than you, unless you are Adam Peaty. I’m sure some of the kids truly are super humans 😂😂

I think the other thing is most kids aren’t in top 100 at any time and that’s fine. Dd definitely isn’t top 100 for anything and probably never will be.

Yes - that's so true. I think it's understanding why you choose to swim.

Is it to have friends and be part of a squad, going for competitions, trips and training together?

Very very few swimmers have the focus and desire to make it to the absolute top so the rest are in it for the ride (and it might as well be an enjoyable ride, which keeps you fit, develops your social skills etc)

When you're done swimming and look back, you won't remember the times you swam but you'll remember the bus trips with team mates, the fun sitting and cheering at a gala, the training or competition trips away.

I still remember the fun on team buses, swim camps and until relatively recently was still in touch with swimmers from other clubs too

Adam peaty didn't arrive on the scene until late. When he joined the current club he was so bad at freestyle they out him with the younger girls. They then spotted his talent for breastroke.

He's actually a great story for those who didn't develop until late. I'd forgotten that!

So DS and I have had a chat. I have made all the excellent points you have all made here and he is feeling much more positive.