December Music Thread

[Wafflenose]

Hi all, sorry it's late. I didn't get a moment yesterday.

Please feel free to jump right into December's discussion. We talk about music lessons, practice, exams, concerts, auditions, repertoire, instrument hire/ purchase, reeds, strings and more. There is no minimum or maximum age or standard. Beginners are always welcome.

Our thoughts are with one of our members, Tabby, at this sad and difficult time for our family. Her situation has reminded me of all the things that are really important in life - mainly our loved ones - and that while music is something which can enhance all of our lives, I shouldn't waste time stressing over small stuff like exam results.

I am mum to Goo (13) and Rara (10).

🍷 for Waffle! Do you think in a way her very advanced ability may be working against her a bit at the moment? We had the same but earlier in the ‘tween’ years. It can be really difficult for them to find a peer group or ensemble with the same level of ability/interest as them. Playing classical music can all start to feel a bit niche or as my DD who went to a state school with no music in year 6 put it ‘weird and embarrassing’. She’s now at a fairly musical state grammar school, so it’s no longer embarrassing but she has to be very self directed about it as there are only a small number of pupils who are serious about their music. No doubt about it it’s a tricky age!

6 days and 7 pages in - I’m a bit late to the party!

Congratulations on the exam results coming in , and of course to NBB!

Waffle we are having a bit of a rebellion here too with DD2. She was on a bit of a treadmill last year with the NCO residential, then the NCO audition, then auditions for school scholarships, festivals, SATs, the NCO residential with prep beforehand etc. She felt she had o down time. Add in the start of secondary school with accompanying homework after long days and it can all be a bit of a nightmare. Being tired doesn’t help. There is only so much longer that I can accept the “You can’ Expect me to do that because it’s reallyhard starting secondary” excuse; it’s wearing a bit thin!

Had to split our loyalties last night as both DDs had school concerts. I went to DD2s one which went on for 3 hours! We couldn’t even leave early as DD was in the orchestra which was closing the concert. We got home at 11pm with DD upset as she has a Spanish speaking test today and she hadn’t been able to do any revision. I ended up having to write a note to her teacher before Dd would go to bed.

Lurker mostly. But reading about Goo reminded me of someone who at Goo's age was top in her sport, winning national competitions. Then one day she had enough of it and stopped completely.
Difficult balance between encouraging/nagging/pushing too hard.

Doubleup, DS felt the same way last year and the start of this (year 8). When I listed all the things he'd done - exams, auditions, concerts etc - it brought it home and I realised he was heading for overload. Secondary school days are so much more demanding than primary, even without homework, extra curricular stuff etc. I fought it initially, but it's become obvious it isn't sustainable if we want a happy, productive child.
This half term, I've let him prioritise what he thinks is more important, and if that means dropping a grade or 2 in some subjscts, or only practising one instrument a night, so be it. We spoke to his deputy head of academics, who was very much on the side of not doing too much - when I suggested DS could do anything he out his mind to, his response was, "But he can't do EVERYTHING". He suggested that DS drops a subject, just so he can do precisely nothing for an hour or 2 a week.

DS2 is very overloaded at the moment. His choir responsibilities in choir are increasing, as the year 6s start getting solos (although he never volunteers!), and they have a particularly packed schedule this year for some reason.

We have taken his 11 plus preparation time off his music practice, so he is doing 15 minutes less practice a day. He is also only practising four days a week, as he cannot manage late night, early practice, late night, which rules out Fridays and Saturdays. Wednesday is a sacred music-free day. Interestingly, he is now making better progress on the violin and piano because he is not having discouragingly bad sessions because of tiredness. He is using the extra time for x box and youtube! His choice...

It. Will be interesting to see what happens in a couple of years when the choristership stops. He says now that he wants to use the time for two hours a day of violin, but he might feel quite differently when he is a teenager!

I’d be happy with an instrument a night piccolo, or rather alternating bassoon with guitar and piano on the other night. She doesn’t practice on bassoon lesson day or band night anyway. I’m not demanding an hour a night either - just some decent focussed practice would be nice! Academically she is doing very well and I think spending longer than required on her homework is her way of trying to avoid practice.

Ah yes, it's interesting to see what suddenly become vitally important to do when practice is mentioned, double!
I've tried to enforce ' little and often', so as long as he's got his cello out and done something decent for 15 minutes, I'll take it. With DS, just starting is often the issue, so if he thinks it'll be over quickly, he's more inclined to start...and then he generally carries on for longer than the minimum.I
I think they want to make a good impression on teachers and peers when they start year 7, which is another reason they over-egg homework. By year 8, they've learnt how to do the bare minimum... 😂

www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/articles/2MkVJkRV3DSbQMRdsjSBwBV/seven-essential-pieces-of-advice-for-young-musicians?ns_mchannel=social&ns_campaign=bbc_radio_3&ns_linkname=radio_and_music&ns_source=facebook&fbclid=IwAR2PJn6KX9sOROQTssruaL-frEXnK8Yu8h-lPZMrrfY--bpjVtzWSWuKT88

Interesting advice from Sir Simon Rattle, on being a musician. Waffle, take heart from what he says about taking a year off completely.

But reading about Goo reminded me of someone who at Goo's age was top in her sport, winning national competitions. Then one day she had enough of it and stopped completely.

This was nearly my DD1 - at 14 she got back from her first senior international event and she was exhausted and she’d had to miss a holiday her friend had invited her on, so another friend got to go. She still loved the sport but she also said she craved being a normal teenager and just doing nothing. Cutting down the training hours wasn’t really negotiable with coaches but her passion definitely lagged for 1/2 years, and I’d say she was close to packing it all in at one point. She cut down on competitions in an effort to make it all more relaxed and give her a bit more time, and we made sure to just take the pressure off completely and let her miss sessions when needed. She’s back now and more obsessed than ever but I think she 13-15 most kids do just want to potter around, see friends, do their own thing. In that year we worked really hard to make home a total chill out zone - she watched way too much tv and hundreds of films, read way too many books and never revised for tests (revision only began in year 11).

It feels desperate now but I think making music a non productive hobby might make it more appealing in the short term, and in a few years she might be more ready to pick it up seriously. Also if she isn’t keen on taking up a new hobby then what about something more chilled like Guides or a youth group? And I definitely wouldn’t worry about not revising age 13 - I promise you neither of mine ever did more than half an hour before a test at that age and I doubt my DD3 will.

Or if she likes doodling - our local community centre holds a monthly “doodle club” and fortnightly drawing groups for 12+ year olds. A less structured activity might really suit her at this stage.

As evidence that all 13 year olds are the same, I've just picked up sent by DS from his school email account, giving me a step by step guide to updating Fortnite, which apparently is vitally important I do before he gets home tonight! 😂😂😂
Glad to see he's doing something useful in his computer science lessons.

As always, your posts are totally echoing my life!!

Double - "There is only so much longer that I can accept the “You can’t Expect me to do that because it’s really hard starting secondary” excuse"; check!

"Academically she is doing very well and I think spending longer than required on her homework is her way of trying to avoid practice"; also check!

Taggie - "interestingly, he is now making better progress on the violin and piano because he is not having discouragingly bad sessions because of tiredness." We have started having Sunday's music free. What a difference!!

Piccolo - "I think they want to make a good impression on teachers and peers when they start year 7, which is another reason they over-egg homework." Absolutely the case for Noo.

In other news, life in house Folk is pretty hectic (as for all of you by the sounds of it!!). Moll starts her run in the Christmas production at a local theatre on Saturday, I have been chaperoning some rehearsals and am absolutely blown away by her. Definitely her time to step out of big sister's shadow.

Noo technically finished her first term at JD last week, although we are back in this weekend for a choir concert and extra lesson, then again next weekend for her teacher's concert. By which time she is meant to have learnt the piece off-copy and mastered something technically very challenging that isn't clicking in to place naturally at the moment. Stressed, me? Never.....

Its really interesting to read, as I have dd 12 and I hope its not all coming to me soon!

I figured that this term would be quiet due to "starting secondary" but its been quite the opposite. DD has become very involved in a sport and does two practices and one or two matches a week including Saturday mornings. She's absolutely loving both her instruments at the moment and is stepping up that next term by doing grade 5, joining a clarinet ensemble and concert band. She also insists on doing homework whatever time she gets home. I ask her to write her own practice schedule and then stick to it. She doesn't practice on band night and usually misses a day at the weekend but will do both instruments on the other weekend day.

This is not meant to be bragging or whatever, she school refused for about three years, and had a really hard time for some of primary. Kids were scared of her, she was banned from games etc so I'm just enjoying it while it lasts, and putting up with the four hour plus autistic meltdowns occasionally at home.

I found the first term of year 7 absolutely exhausting both times we've been through it. Don't underestimate the effect it might be having on you, Folk - behind every great kid is a social secretary/ PA/taxi driver/ practice supervisor/UN negotiator.... No wonder you're feeling the pressure! He kind to yourself and treat the JD stuff as a learning curve (from what I've seen, Noo is doing brilliantly!)

Piccolo love the instructions for updating fortnite
What I’m trying to do this year is encourage ds but also impress upon him that if he feels it’s too much he just has to say !! He’s fairly driven about school ( well very self competitive) which he can find hard when he has a lot of music on.
For now music is still top of his priorities and luckily with him I don’t have to nag him to practise ( unlike his sister) but I’m also telling myself that just because he wants it now - doesn’t mean he will want to do it in 6 months or 12 months time and that that’s fine too ( even if it would be a waste of a real talent I think)
It’s up to him and it’s given him some amazing experiences along the way however the next few years pan out . Plus his trumpet / musical skills will always be there now whatever .
I am going to put my foot down about the amount he takes on extra in year 11 though - he will either have to sacrifice grades or extra musical activities for a bit ( and I’m not sure which he will choose ...) I think he should choose school but ultimately I think we will all have to reach some kind of decision together

Thanks @Alsoplayspiccolo. Still chuckling over the fortnite instructions 😂😂😂

Alsoplayspiccolo that’s so funny. I’m greatful mine never got into gaming as I wouldn’t have understood a word of it. I find Mariokart on the wii is enough for our family (and still gets used, along with Wii Sports and Mario and Sonic at the Olympic Games!)

Trumpetboy similar happened here - DD was doing her elite sport schedule AND insisting on keeping up triathlon which took up the only non-elite sport day. I told her if she wanted decent GCSEs something was going to have to give, or she’d have to accept a drop in grades. She dropped triathlon at Christmas and her GCSEs were great, and she still fitted in a few medals/international competitions that year because she had just 2 points of focus.

Will read all of this properly in a minute and also the link.

Goo does not want a year off, and if she had one, I know it would be the end.

She also insists she wants to continue at the highest level, but she doesn't like any of our suggestions regarding how to go about it. We also need funding, and she doesn't like the choices available for that either. She won't play solo, or do competitions, festivals or auditions - so I suggested giving up. Yesterday she said she was thinking it through, that's all. We're also not pushing - it's partly our fault that she never practises. We've been too soft on her, and that combined with her 13 year old energy conserving attitude means she is going nowhere fast.

Thans to everyone for the congratulations!

I l;aughed at druidsong's comment about sleeping well...sleep is for January. December is about concerts (for him and me), carol services, the remaining auditions, his school show, my school show, 2 more weeks of JD, birthdays (3 out of the 4 of us have birthdays in December), DD's normal 10 hours of dance and a school term that doesn't end until the 21st!

Can’tkeep I agree sleep certainly doesn’t happen here until at least December 19th when term ends ( and both myself and ds have concerts after that !!)
Ds enjoyed the link !!

Just read it and texted it to Goo.

Phew! I finally have some news! Ds3 (recorder player) is one of the 6 finalists for Junior Musician of the Year in our borough! 60 entrants aged 8-12 (he is 10) and 6 finalists. He was over the moon excited! With an older brother who is a really really accomplished musician, it was so lovely for him to take spotlight today.

That's fantastic news wiifit! Very well done to your DS! What piece will be playing for the final?