December Music Thread

[Wafflenose]

Hi all, sorry it's late. I didn't get a moment yesterday.

Please feel free to jump right into December's discussion. We talk about music lessons, practice, exams, concerts, auditions, repertoire, instrument hire/ purchase, reeds, strings and more. There is no minimum or maximum age or standard. Beginners are always welcome.

Our thoughts are with one of our members, Tabby, at this sad and difficult time for our family. Her situation has reminded me of all the things that are really important in life - mainly our loved ones - and that while music is something which can enhance all of our lives, I shouldn't waste time stressing over small stuff like exam results.

I am mum to Goo (13) and Rara (10).

Thank you! His teacher was originally talking about starting him on cornet but because he is quite big, he said he could just start on trumpet (bit of a bonus as mine was in my mum's loft).

My daughter and I went to Stringers today to pick up her (hired) violin. She is very excited and keeps wanting to get it out. I am going to need to learn how to look after it (putting resin on the bow? I am not a strong player).

Can I join? I’m so impressed with how busy and talented all your children sound, and their amazing exam results. for all!

Instruments wise DD1, 17, plays flute (started age 9, grade 8 completed age 14 and lessons stopped age 15) and piano (started age 12, grade 8 completed in the summer 2018 series and lessons stopped at the same time).
DD2, 14, plays cello (started age 8, grade 8 completed December 2017, lessons still going) and piano (started age 10, grade 6 completed in the summer 2017 series - grade 8 is projected for spring 2019).
DD3, 12, plays piano (started age 7, grade 6 also completed in the summer 2017 series, grade 8 also projected for spring 2019) and flute (started age 9, grade 5 completed in summer 2018 series, aiming for grade 7 summer 2019). She started singing lessons at school last year but isn’t doing grades.

Ensembles wise:
DD1 is year 13 and goes to senior orchestra and woodwind group because they’re both at lunch at school. Her sport trains after school every day usually starting at 4 so she can’t do other after school clubs.
DD2 is in year 10 and plays cello in school senior orchestra, runs a “pop and musicals choir” for years 7-9 and sings in school chamber choir. Out of school she does CLYO (which I excitingly saw someone mentioning upthread!) and ONYC (recently moved up from ONYV).
DD3 is year 8 and sings in her sister’s choir and school chamber choir, and plays flute in orchestra and senior concert band. Out of school she does CLYTO, and sings in ONYV (recently moved up from ONCC!).

Phew! Listing it all makes it feel like a lot.

Gosh, your kids sound impressive pandasandpeas.

Another long conversation tonight. Goo the Energy Conserver is veering towards giving up music, because it's less hassle for her than any of the alternatives now that we have given her teacher a term's notice. She doesn't practise properly, doesn't revise for school tests, only does a bit of homework when completely necessary, and never ever contributes in class. Give me strength.

It sounds like the teenage yrs have set in Waffle?
I would keep the music going if possible though- I think she’ll regret it when she’s older otherwise?

Hang on in there waffle !! Goo will come out of the other side and even if she does step back from music for a bit I bet she doesn’t give it up forever

What do her teachers at school say, Waffle?
DS is also in year 8 and a few weeks agk, I would have been saying the same things, but his teachers told us at parents' evening that he's doing well and they're happy with him. I guess the important thing is that they're both doing enough to be "good enough". (There seems to be a suggestion in some quarters that that approach is actually pretty shrewd - why work harder than you need to?)
Obviously, if there are concerns at school, that's a different story, but otherwise, I think what you've described is pretty typical for this age group, so don't despair.

Definitely sounds like teenagehood is commencing in your house waffle... after DD1 gave up lessons she did start playing more because it was all on her own terms and just for fun, no pressure. Maybe Goo will appreciate the instrument more once lessons are over - and it’s a skill she can always pick up again in a few years even if she does have a bit of time out.

And I know mine rarely do extra to minimal homework (DDs are 12 and 14, so either side in age!) and are more interested in time with friends than pretty much anything else - they often phone in “sick” to orchestra at least once a term because they have social events that they don’t want to miss...

It’ll be a tough few years but you’ll come out the other side! 13-15 is such a tricky age to navigate.

Hi crucru, exciting to get her violin. Yes rosin on the bow, and wipe the dust off the strings and wood after playing with a dry cloth. And learn how to tune it between the two of you - an electronic tuner or app is a big help if you're unsure. I have a little piano & violinist too, classic combination

Exciting about pancake's littlest's one handed violin too, look forward to hearing how they both get on!

Hi pandas and wow that sounds like a musical household. Do they ever play together?

Waffle do you think she will carry on some ensembles for the social side? A lesson break will give her some thinking time at least.

If it is any consolation i seem to constantly be repeating "its a difficult age"..... mainly to myself and dh. Parents of teens i salute you all

Hello to all the thread newcomers!

waffle - would Goo have lessons from you as her teacher do you think? Or do you think Goo might be interested in getting more involved in your teaching - perhaps mentoring some of your beginner students? Either as individuals or she could set up a new ensemble group of her own? When I was her age I used to go busking with a group of friends, we would make enough money to pay for going out (to cinema or something) on a Saturday evening. It might be a fresh challenge she needs to hold her interest during the tricky teen years.

On the rare occasion when they’re all home at the same time for more than half an hour they do sometimes play together, yes. DD1 always helps when they need to practise with an accompaniest, and they do like to do funny piano duets and things. They sing together a LOT too - especially in the car, spontaneous harmonies and all - sometimes life feels like a musical. They also like performing funny versions of musicals at home actually - over summer I saw 3-man (or up to maybe 6 man if friends got involved) abridged kitchen productions of Waitress, Heathers, Hamilton, Dear Evan Hansen, Fun Home, Singin’ in the Rain, Annie... it’s very funny to witness.

I can't teach her any more!!

I've said that if she gives up, it won't be to spend more time playing computer games or doodling in her room. She seemed taken aback. I told her she could do more sport or take up a different instrument instead. Hopefully she will ponder on that.

Waffle, do you think backing off a bit might help her to come to her own conclusion about what she wants to do, musically?
My mantra is " There are many things that are non-negotiable in a child's life, but music isn't one of them". I know from experience that forcing things can be disastrous - my twin sister felt forced to continue music long after she would have chosen to stop, and it didn't end well.
Perhaps if you let Goo find her own way now, she'll choose to continue, or come back to it later, whereas if you coerce her with threats about what will happen if she stops, she might always resent it.

I hope that doesn't come across as harsh, but I just can't see what will be achieved by forcing the issue. If she is a reluctant musician, you won't change that with pressure.

She's had a difficult time recently and may need time to regroup. She's already further on than lots of children the same age, so you don't need to panic that she'll miss the boat, should she decide to come back to it in the near future.

It's a tough time for parents and children alike - I really do feel for you.

Piccolo I think you’re right - though I have said the same to ds as waffle has said to Goo ( though mainly about homework) that ultimately it’s up to him to make choices about what he does/ how he spends his time - but whilst he’s living here I won’t sanction him wasting his life playing computer games !! He will need to find something else to do ( as well as getting at least the minimum amount of homework done !!) So far it’s working - but with teenagers I don’t take anything for granted

Definitely not a reluctant musician - just lazy and resting on her not inconsiderable laurels at the moment. She doesn't put any effort into anything at all at the moment. If we backed off any more than we already have, I don't think she would even get up in the morning! She doesn't want anything to change and would happily plod along with her current teacher. But her funding ends in February so that's not an option.

Oh, I totally agree about the gaming point - it's not good for any child!
The point that is stated over and over again by DS's ( high performing and really quite demanding) school is that children need complete downtime - time when they do precisely nothing, to allow their brains to reboot. Absolutely nothing can be just that, or reading, hanging out with mates, kicking a football around etc but it has to be their choice. DS's school has actually bought outdoor table tennis equipment to encourage it!

It's so easy to over-schedule every waking moment of our children's lives, for fear that they'll do nothing if we don't, isn't it? I know I'm guilty of it, so it's something I'm working on. ☺

Our problem is that Goo gets in at 4, does precisely nothing until 9, then realises that she has a test the next day. She also expects to spend the whole of Saturday in pyjamas doing nothing. I think there needs to be a balance. School hasn't said anything, but she isn't doing as well as last year, and is probably destined for a crap set of effort grades this term.

But is she doing ok on the bare minimum, Waffle? Unless her teachers are expressing concern, I would leave her to it for now. She needs to find self-motivation, otherwise you will always be dragging her, kicking and screaming. It's ok for her to rest on her laurels and take her time - let her lessons with the current teacher come to an end and see what she wants to do then. She has time, don't panic.

It's not the same as DS is nowhere near as advanced as Goo but when he has made noises about giving up the piano, I have also made it clear that that does not equate to spending even more time on the iPad.

I don't think I would mind so much about the doodling though. Am sure many professional artists spent their teens doodling (and probably driving their parents spare with it). What we might see as doodling might be their drawing equivalent of practising scales .

Crap effort grades might be what's needed to focus her mind, and at least they'll be coming from someone other than you.
Or forget about the music side but focus on getting her to do an hour a night homework/ revision.

An hour a night?! Never going to happen! Well hopefully by year 11! No idea how she is doing, and she doesn't care. She has labelled year 8 The Year Of Rebellion. Just for her though I reckon... her friends are very studious!

Then all the better for getting it out her system in a low risk year than later

Love teenagers.

Thanks catkind!

I have a friend whose daughter plays so she is going to give me a lesson on how to look after it. I might ask to sit in on a lesson so her teacher can talk to us about tuning.

That sounds difficult Wafflenose.