Is it all about fun?

[MrsEms]

Do your children do activities just for fun or if they are good at something or have a bit of a talent do you want them to succeed and go as far as they would like to go with the activity?
DD does a number of activities, some are clearly just for exercise and fun and others she seemed/seems to be doing well at so naturally I've been happy when she's moved up groups but today during a conversation got the feeling that all activities should just be for fun?
We don't force DD to go to any activites apart from swimming which its been agreed a certain level (for safety purposes) before she can quit.

For me, it is all about fun - but not necessarily in the moment fun. There'll be times when one of the DC are moaning about not wanting to go to something, and I largely ignore that, because it's nearly always temporary, and they still have the long term enjoyment of the activity. Couple of times that the loss of interest is sustained, then I have let them drop the activity or switch to a different way of doing it, once we've used up what has already been paid for.

I think it should always be fun - and if you're really good at something then that's a bonus- I still wouldn't make them do activities related to the thing they were good at though if they didn't enjoy it. Ds spends a lot of time on music activities- which develop what he's good at but recently on the whole he still has to enjoy them if he's going to devote a lot of time to them. I never give in straight away if they seem to have gone off something- but it often becomes quite clear if they really aren't enjoying something anymore

Hi, thanks both.
I suppose I didn't describe it too well.
DD enjoys the activity that we were discussing but her friends just joined but is in a lower class to DD so I said I might see if DD could join her friend which is where I was told I wouldn't do that because everythings all about how far DD will go. I didn't realise I came across like this, yes DD has been good at some of the activities she done and so progressed quickly but others she not been so good at but we have continued whilst she is enjoying and are actually considering ballet lessons again even though this is a purely fun activity and something DD will probably get bored of again after 3-6 months.

Purely about fun, however I'd say there are few activities where being with a peer group who are significantly below your ability will allow fun.

An orchestra where you have to play simplistic things.
A trampoline lesson where only bouncing is taught when you can do triple flips.
etc. etc.
They'll rapidly lose fun - so I don't think it would necessarily be appropriate to join her friend in an easier group, but only if the gap is large and it may also be a in an activity where the difference matters list.

If the child is genuinely good such that how far they can go is even relevant, part of their own enjoyment will have to be about pursuing excellence, if they are not personally engaged in that, they'll not get that far anyway.

my girls do dancing, they live for dancing (unfortunately, in lots of ways i would like to cut down) and they love it. There are others in their classes who are very good but who plainly don't want to be there and their parents insist they go. these children haven't been happy for a long time, not just a phase and I think it is a shame that they are being made to go because they are good at it. There is so much more to activities than being good. one of my girls struggled a lot when she started, she was older, she has coordination problems as well but she has developed an amazing work ethic because she wanted to be good and she has now made herself one of the best in her class through sheer hard work.

What you are saying though is a hard work. If things are too easy then they can become less fun and exciting, but if it is something quite social then it would potentially be more fun with her friend. but what about the friends she already has in that activity? I like my daughters having their dance friends, and then their school friends and keeping the two pretty separate I personally think is a good thing. What would happen if you put her in an easier session to be with this friend who then dropped out or they argued. your child could then really lose interest.

Hours and hours of conditioning over several days a week isn't deemed fun, but they know is necessary. So, it isn't always fun. A once a week or hobby class should probably be enjoyable mpst of the time, though?

Fun is a big part of it, but I am very keen for my dds to find a physical activity they enjoy because of the link to having a more positive body image in later life, and to at least try something musical because of the way it stimulates brain development.

Both.

We started doing a MT class at the weekend when DD was 4 just as something to do. She seemed to be rather good at it - as much as one can be at 4 anyway.

At almost 9, she now goes to an audition-entry high level MT group, ballet classes, modern dance classes and singing - which she really enjoys but are considered 'work'. There was the odd moan about the ballet in the second year, but she knows it's not optional and now she's in a higher grade she doesn't complain.

She's now aiming for vocational school at 11 and is consistently doing well in professional auditions, so she's happy to put a lot of effort in. If she suddenly decided she hated it and wanted to stop I'm not sure what we would do - if it seemed a definite decision and for valid reasons then fair enough. Currently she lives for her singing and MT classes so hopefully it won't happen!

Other things like gymnastics and swimming are purely for fun.

I would add that sometimes a change of teacher or training establishment can make a huge difference.

DD was originally with an MT group where half the kids were there because their parents wanted a few hours peace and quiet at the weekend. A huge amount of time was spent each week coaxing reluctant children to participate, or practicing simple dance routines to the point of boredom or just getting them all to be quiet and listen.

A switch to a group where all the children are at a certain level, all of them come to class ready to learn and where they are all signed up to a behaviour contract that means they are out the door if they mess around has made a massive difference to her enjoyment and to her progress.

We've also had teachers who haven't been quite the right fit - fine if it's a group lesson once a week, but I took a lot of care choosing individual teachers as the emotional support and guidance is just as important as their skills in a particular field; especially with young children who may not appreciate that Mr X is a genius in his field and thus worth putting up with the bad temper in the way that an adult might.

My 7yo DS summed it up pretty well (I think) talking about his sport. He said 'it's not always fun because sometimes it hurts or I'd rather play ipad, but it's about learning to enjoy challenges'.